Forced Feminization and Gender Role Reversal

I’ve been receiving quite a few e-mails from women lately thanking me for my blog. This does my heart good. Apparently my blog is giving these ladies new ideas on ways they can dominate their men. Glad I can be of service.

Thinking of ways to dominate your man, I had a wild hair up my butt the other day and did something to James I hadn’t done in years. It was Saturday morning and James was still in bed. I don’t why I remembered this. Maybe I had a dream but I awoke and recalled the time I went into his bedroom, tied him to his bed, forced feminized him and took him with my strap-on. That was years ago but it was so much fun. Therefore I decided to do it again.

I went into his bedroom early Saturday morning and undressed him, put wrist cuffs on him and tied them to his bed post. I also made him take several swigs of strong mouth wash and spit it into a cup as I didn’t want to deal with morning breath. Then I went and fetched some old lingerie, all white lace and silk. I began the process of feminizing him, sliding stockings over his legs, putting a garter belt on him and attaching the stockings to the garter. I also put a bra on him.

Then I retrieved the fun stuff: lipstick, foundation, blush, eye shadow and mascara. With hubby totally helpless and perplexed, I pulled a chair up next to his bed and slowly and patiently transformed him into a girl. It was Saturday morning so he was still wearing the DL 2000 so he knew better than to complain. He took it like a good sport as I had to keep wiping some off and reapplying his make-up to get it to look right. James doesn’t have the features to make a pretty woman but I must say I had him looking very feminine.

I held up a mirror to show him how beautiful he looked (which embarrassed him) and I had fun teasing him about it. Now it was time for my strap-on but I wanted to do something different. The last time we did this I was also looking very feminine as I too was wearing lingerie. If I recall correctly, James had a big hard-on the last time as I teased him that he was my lesbian lover, my lipstick lesbian lover.

But this time I had the wild idea of a total gender reversal. So I excused myself and returned to my bedroom to look around my closet. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for but then I spotted one of his sports jackets. That gave me a crazy idea. I went back to his room and fumbled around his closet. He couldn’t see what I was doing. I grabbed a white dress shirt and one of his ties. I returned to my room and put on his dress shirt, his tie and the sports jacket. Then I went into my bathroom and wetted my hair and slicked it straight back, kind of like Michael Douglass as Gordon Gekko in “Wall Street”. I had no make-up on and I kind of looked like a man. Well, maybe not a man but definitely a very masculine woman.

To put the final touches, I put on my strap-on harness and a flesh tone dildo, complete with balls. I wanted to also put on some pants but I knew that would be difficult with my erect dildo around my waist. Plus I didn’t want to waste any more time.

I returned to James and you should have seen the look on his face. He was totally shocked by my masculine appearance. I teased him about what a pretty girl he made as I lubed his anus and the dildo. Then I threw his legs up over my shoulders and I penetrated him with the strap-on. In a total gender reversal, I was the man and he was woman. I took off the jacket but I fucked him wearing his dress shirt and tie. He did not get to see my breasts, not even my cleavage. I kissed him and took him with the strap-on as if he were a virgin bride, all decked out in white lingerie. It was so freaking hot.

I took him with the dildo for at least ten minutes. I might have gone longer but I hadn’t had breakfast yet so I became weak. But after I withdrew the dildo and removed the harness, I sat on his face and had him lick my pussy until I climaxed. It didn’t take long. Then I collapsed next to him on the bed, undid the wrist cuffs and ordered him to cook me a nice breakfast. I napped until it was ready. It was a crazy Saturday morning but a heck of a lot of fun.

Catch 22: D&S play vs. orgasm denial. Strap-on session causes unauthorized orgasm

I’ve got to make some changes to how I dominate James. Here’s the problem. I’m a dominant women married to a submissive man with lots of BDSM toys at my disposal. I have accumulated over the years an assortment of leather clothing, boots, gloves, corsets, etc. I have whips, crops, canes, paddles, restraints, gags, blindfolds, enema equipment, harnesses, dildos, etc.

All I usually have to do is open my toy chest and it doesn’t take long for me to get in the mood for a session. I mean we have all this stuff so it would be a waste not to take advantage of it. But on top of that, I have hubby in chastity with the goal of denying him for longer and longer periods. The two can be in conflict with each other.

Last night is a perfect example. James has been denied since July 6th and my goal was to keep him that way until September 8^th. I could tell he has been very aroused lately, and that’s a good thing as it keeps him focused on me and my needs. James gave me a wonderful full-body massage Thursday night and Friday evening I allowed him to bathe me and dress me before I went out on a night on the town with a girlfriend. James was straining inside his chastity device as his hands touched and fondled my body as he bathed and dressed me.

So last night I decided to have a session with him. I wore a pair of leather thigh-high boots and allowed James to perform boot worship. Then I gave him an over the lap spanking with my hairbrush and the wooden Spencer paddle.

James was leaking pre-cum from inside his CB6000 but he was also flinching and twisting in discomfort as his bottom had not yet fully recovered from the caning he endured last Saturday night. I took it rather easy on him but I paddled him hard enough so that he went totally limp.

Then I decided to take him with a strap-on. Big mistake! I should have known better but James rarely climaxes from strap-on play and he knows to inform me if he thinks he can’t hold back. I bent him over the massage table and made sure his caged cock was not rubbing against the table. I was feeling extra dominant by this time so after I did the latex glove warm-up and penetrated him with the dildo that was snuggly attached to my strap-on harness, I was a little animated and I was slamming him hard, fast and forceful.

I was just starting to really get into it when he warned me that he thought he might climax if I didn’t stop. I was having too much fun so I ordered him to hold back a little longer. Well, no dice. He climaxed which really pissed me off. I kept slamming him and I spanked his ass with my hands very hard at the same time to let him know my displeasure.

James was no good to me the rest of the night. Once he cums like that, he loses his passion. I ordered him to orally pleasure me but it was no good. He was going through the motions and I had lost my edge. He licked me for about five minutes and then I just pushed him away. As a punishment I locked him away in the confinement room for the rest of the night as I watched television all by myself.

He apologized today and begged for forgiveness. Of course I forgive him but I told him that I was going to have to rethink how we do some things. I might have to keep our weekly sessions to discipline and humiliation and eliminate the more intimate acts such as strap-on play. I suppose I could do strap-on in the early weeks of his denial but once he gets to the one month mark, I need to be more careful. Maybe allowing him to give me massages and bathe me is too much for him, yet if I take that away I am denying myself pleasure. Maybe it’s time for a better chastity device, something more permanent. Or maybe I need to break out the Kali’s teeth when he gives me massages and baths. I’m just thinking out loud here.

The horrid LFA Paddle

It has been well documented on this blog how I’ve reconnected with my friend Ginger from my ClubFEM days. One of the nice things about having a blog is that on occasion it reconnects me with people from my past. It is always nice to hear from former phone clients, fans of my movie reviews, femdom couples I’ve met and perhaps “played” with in the past, and people from my days in ClubFEM.

Take the other day. I received the following e-mail:

“Ms Kathleen, I was researching Dr. Jane Foxx and came across your wonderful Blog. I came across the many books of Dr. Foxx who it turned out lived not far from me. I have had some familiarity with people in the Columbus area: Miss Erica Kent, Domina Alexandra Snow and Her lovely ladies at Wicked Eden, but had never come across the mysterious Dr. Foxx. Your blog post cleared some of that up.  I continued to read Your blog, fascinated and perhaps even a bit envious of James. And then I came across the picture of the paddle with the holes and the LFA inscription.  

 

You may not remember me but I am the gentleman who made that paddle for you and I'm glad to see it being used. And "yes" I agree with your assessment that it can be a most horrid implement. I've also sent similar implements to Akasha, Club FEM Houston, Ms. Elise Sutton, Miss Erica Kent and Domina Alexandra Snow. The items are not made for sale, simply a creation of love and as gifts for select Ladies. As I look across the living room I see a similar wood paddle in a brass umbrella stand with other such 'tools' (the stand conveniently moved when we have guests).” 
 

Of course I remember this gentleman. It’s been what, ten … eleven years? But I remember him because not only did he inscribe “LFA” on the paddle for “Loving Female Authority” (Elise Sutton’s famous adage) but he also inscribed my name on the paddle.
 

 

And it is indeed a most horrid paddle. In fact, I’ve always used it more as a visual tool. It looks great hanging in the confinement room, perhaps the last thing James sees before I enclose him in total darkness or a constant reminder to him if I happen to discipline him inside the confinement room, the paddle being illuminated with the light of the basement shining through the narrow doorway. It is rare that I actually use that paddle because it packs such a nasty wallop. But I have used it on him so the possibility is always there in his mind, as the paddle just hangs there on one of the hooks.

 

Receiving this e-mail brought the paddle front and center to my mind. So last night, as I was disciplining hubby inside the confinement room (nothing too intense at first, just a little ole attitude adjustment session), after I had dished out some “loving female authority” with a flogger and my short handle riding crop, the paddle caught my attention. I told James about the e-mail I received and we reminisced about the first time I ever used that paddle on him (after all, I had to use it since this gentleman put so much work into making it) and the awful bruises it left on poor hubby’s bottom. I didn’t even hit him very hard with it but I must have given him ten or more smacks that night and it is a heavy paddle and those awful holes had hubby dancing and begging for mercy. It was a lovely memory for me but not so much for James.

Anywho, getting back to last night, after my verbal walk down memory lane, I grabbed the LFA paddle, James was bound against the rubber matted wall, and I told him that I wanted him to take five moderate to hard smacks for me, you know for old time’s sake. He counted them out as I did them very slowly and deliberate. After number five, his very red bottom was quivering a little. I soothed his very warm flesh with some aloe which got me in the mood for some strap-on play. There is something about touching a man’s reddened and warmed ass that makes me want to take him with a strap-on.

 

I chose the purple one and strapped it around my waist.

It was getting very humid inside the confinement room so we retired to my bedroom and did the strap-on session on a comfy bed in a nice, air-conditioned bedroom. The night ended with James orally pleasuring me as he remained denied.

Thanks again to the gentleman who made me the horrid LFA paddle.

Being fitted for custom made leather outfits

I just got back from Louisville this past Monday and now I am heading to Las Vegas with my friend Ginger. It’s a long story but Ginger wrote me and she is going out there for her job and she invited me to go with her. We will be staying at the Cosmopolitan. While we are there, Ginger is going to be measured for custom fit fetish wear. And she has arranged it so I will also be measured. Not sure what all I will end up buying but if I go through the time-consuming task of being measured from neck to foot, I’m sure I will come away with at least a pair of new leather pants and/or boots.

It should be a blast, with us two married women set loose on the Vegas strip, while our cuckolded hubbies stay home and tend to their chores. Technology will play a key part. I monitored hubby while I was in Kentucky and I will be doing the same from Vegas. And of course Ginger has been using technology longer than I have when it comes to domming her hubby. She can send pulses of punishment straight from her computer to his Dream Lover chastity device.

I can see it now. Us gals coming back to our room after a night of partying in Vegas. I get on my computer to monitor my hubby who is inside the confinement room, in chastity, wearing my panties. I might call him on his cell phone and wake him up, perhaps have him humiliate himself for our entertainment as we watch from my computer screen, laughing and giggling. And then Ginger gets on her computer and sends “pulses of love” to her hubby’s Dream Lover, waking him up. The 3 hour time difference will make it all the more wicked. It might be 1am Vegas time but it will be 4am eastern time.

Ginger wants to hit one of the Day Clubs, where all the young hunky guys hang out pool side. I’m not sure that’s my thing but she’ll probably drag me along with her. Ginger said she has a contact at the Encore Beach Club. It’s supposed to hit 103 on Sunday. A day in the hot sun with my fair skin, I don’t think so unless she can swing a cabana. We’ll see. Ginger acts (and looks) like she can hang with the young crowd. Ginger has the body for a Day Club. I’ve accepted and embraced my age. Personally, I think I have a better chance of snagging me a young stud at a dark night club, when I’m wearing a tight pair of leather pants, dancing up a storm with Ginger. We’ll put on a show that will make men notice. My confidence comes from my dominance.

If I get a custom made leather outfit, I’ll be sure to have my hubby take some pictures when I get home and perhaps I’ll post a few on my blog.

Hubby has been wonderful. We had a discipline session Wednesday night when I broke the news that I was heading out again. I did the session inside the confinement room. Hubby was bound to the wall and whipped with my long handle riding crop and then I took him with my strap-on. It was while I was taking him with the strap-on that I told him about Vegas. I think he was relieved that I was going with Ginger and not Thomas again. Thomas and I had a lot of fun in Louisville but I’m looking forward to a girl’s trip. 

Finding that perfect balance

I had a talk with James the other night where we discussed what each of us needs out of this femdom marriage. I am in charge and I make the decisions but in order for this lifestyle to work, both parties have to find fulfillment. Therefore open and honest communication is vitally important. In many ways, James was my first mentor when it came to this lifestyle as he introduced it to me and helped me to understand the needs and motivation of a submissive male.

During our most recent discussion, I explained to James how I was enjoying a more domesticated lifestyle where he does additional household chores and tends to my personal needs. I also reiterated how I want to utilize the confinement room more this Spring and Summer as I feel we have not fully explored its potential. James confessed to me that he is a little disappointed that I have pulled back on treating him “crueler” because he enjoys the intense stuff, such as when I make him suffer physically like when we experimented with harsher whippings, the spiked mats and strappado. I reminded James that I don’t like hurting him and when I do these things he doesn’t seem to enjoy it all that much while it is occurring (although I had to admit he does seem to drift into a much more submissive and peaceful frame of mind afterwards).

So we talked about it, I took his comments under consideration and I made the decision to add a little more intense discipline if that is what he needs to be motivated as he serves me domestically and personally. However, I reminded him that all of this is up to me and I will decide the when, what, where and how based on my mood and my sexual desires. James has to understand that I can’t fake it. I have to be excited by what we do and how we do it.

I think we’ve achieved that perfect balance thus far this weekend. Friday night James prepared a lovely dinner. After we ate, I relaxed on the couch and talked with Thomas on the phone while James kneeled on the floor and gave me a delightful foot massage. Around 9:00pm, I took James down to the confinement room where using ankle and wrist cuffs, I bound him naked (other than his chastity device) against the leftmost rubber wall and administered a whipping using my long handle riding crop. I left him bound against the wall as I locked the door and headed back upstairs. I went through my e-mail and surfed the web for about an hour, than I decided to go through my toy box to see if anything in there would spark an idea or motivate me to as to what to do next with my hubby.

 

 

Nothing really jumped out at me but my strap-on harness was hanging on a hook on the inside of the lid, along with my spiked leather bra and panties. So I changed into the fetish attire and added my pair of knee high leather boots to the outfit, strapped on the harness, attached a moderate sized dildo, grabbed some lube and a latex glove and headed back down to the confinement room.

I opened the door, pressed my body against his, tilted his head back and gave my hubby a long, passionate kiss. He could feel the spikes pushing into his skin and the dildo pressing against his backside so he knew what was coming. I lubed up his anus and the dildo, grabbed him around the waist, pulled him toward me (his hands and ankles still bound to the wall) and eased the dildo inside of him. I then gave him a rather hard fucking for 5 to 10 minutes, the spikes on my panties hitting against his buttocks every time I pushed my hips forward.

 

 

 

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” I teased. “Is this how you want me to treat you?”

After I was done with the dildo (I would have liked to have gone longer but I got tired after 5 to 10 minutes) I grabbed the riding crop again and administered another whipping, harder this time as we both were in that zone by now. One I was done disciplining him, I took off the strap-on, unlocked him from the wall, pushed him to the floor (face up), slid off my panties and sat on his face. He knew what to do. He licked and tongued me until I climaxed. Shortly thereafter, we both retired to bed.

On Saturday, James attended to his long list of indoor chores while I fiddled outside in my flower garden. I had a dinner date with Thomas so around 5pm, I had James draw me a bath and he tended to my personal needs by bathing me, washing my hair, drying me off, and brushing and drying my hair. As I was applying my cosmetics, James ironed the clothes I picked out to wear for my date. Then he helped dress me. Afterward, I locked James into the confinement room (with his cell phone). Thomas picked me up at 7pm.

We got home at around 9:15, where I let James out of his prison for a bathroom break. I inserted a butt plug and locked him back into the confinement room. Thomas and I watched a little television but what we mostly did was make out on the couch. Then we retired to my bedroom. I turned on the intercom so James could listen in. Thomas stayed the night and I let James out of the confinement room around midnight.

Today, Thomas is taking me to lunch and shopping whereas James has lots of yard work to do, including mowing the lawn. He is tending to it as I write this. Thomas is still sleeping so I have to get him up so we can get going.

Overall, I think we’ve had a well-balanced femdom weekend. I dominated James in a manner that he says he needs, and he tended to my domestic and personal needs. I’m not saying this is how it’s going to be every weekend (that is improbable) but it sure did work out nicely this weekend.

Strap-on Marathon

Not much to report femdom wise the past couple of weeks as our lives have been rather vanilla. However, last night I felt James needed to be dominated. Whenever we go several weeks without ‘playing’ hubby’s level of servitude definitely slips. I don’t think he is mindful of this but it happens. Some dominant wives stress the importance of a weekly discipline session and I tend to agree with this philosophy. Nonetheless, it is not always easy to incorporate a D&S session when other life situations arise. That is the reality.

Anywho, last night I was in the mood to dominate hubby but I wasn’t in the mood to administer a spanking or corporal punishment. It’s been awhile since we engaged in strap-on play and as I was going through my “toy box”, fooling around with my harness, I was pondering which dildo to use. I laid out several of them and that’s when I had an epiphany. Why not use them all?

Hubby got home from work and I was waiting on him. I was fully clothed, wearing jeans but I had my strap-on harness firmly in place. His eyes lit up when he saw what I had in store for him.
 

I marched him upstairs to the office where I had the massage table set up with the wrist and ankle restraints tied to the legs of the table. I ordered James to undress and I bound him over the table.

I lubed him up with KY Jelly (I always use lots of lube) and I carefully guided the dildo into his waiting rectum. I was still totally clothed and I began to dominate him by thrusting my hips. As I was doing this I lectured him about his slippage in doing his chores and I added plenty of verbal humiliation as I reminded him of his place in our marriage. When I talk like this it gets us both excited. After a good ten minutes of pounding his ass, I began to get over heated. I took off the harness and stripped out of my jeans. I placed the next larger in size dildo into the harness and I took up where I left off by taking my hubby with my strap-on.

 

 

I dominated him in this manner for another ten to fifteen minutes and his body language and his deep moans and sighs told me that he had slipped into subspace. I made him repeat back to me all that I had lectured him about. By this time hubby was most compliant.

I withdrew the dildo and I sat down in a chair to take a much deserved break. I eyed up James and he was a sight to behold, draped over the table with his hands and ankles bound, his well fucked ass sticking up in the air.

I contemplated releasing him but I wanted to dominate him some more. I put an even larger dildo into my harness, one he usually fears due to its size, and I walked behind him and slowly eased it inside of him. I teased him, “You gonna take it for me, slut?”

And with that I continued on with the marathon session as I administered a long, slow, methodical fucking with the large dildo. Hubby’s gasps and heavy breathing signaled to me that it was both painful and pleasurable for him. I could sense he was on the edge of climaxing from the dildo hitting his prostrate but I forbade him to orgasm and ordered him to let me know if he couldn’t hold back. He did his best but finally he admitted he was about to cum. Therefore I withdrew the dildo to prevent him from climaxing.

I untied James from the massage table and I took off my harness. I climbed onto the table and ordered him to orally pleasure me. It didn’t take me long as I was very turned on from our marathon strap-on session. After I was satisfied, I dismissed James and ordered him to prepare dinner. I denied him an orgasm and he had to go about his nightly duties sexually frustrated. Nonetheless, he was very loving toward me and he was eager to please. The tone for the weekend had been set.

Loving the new room

The confinement/sensory deprivation room is complete (outside of installing an intercom system) and the room got plenty of use the past few days. One advantage of the room for me is now I can banish my hubby to the room whenever he gets on my nerves or I simply want some alone time in the house or when I want to entertain a friend but I don’t want hubby around. I love having this option. It is so much more controlling than simply sending him to his bedroom.

When he is locked in the confinement room I have total power and I decide when he gets to come out.  I also get to decide how he is to be confined. I can simply lock him in there as if it were a prison. Or I can make it into a deprivation chamber by placing a blindfold over his eyes and plugs in his ears. Or I can make him suffer in there by utilizing any one of several tortures (he was the one who said he wanted me to become a little more cruel toward him). For example we have these mats with plastic spikes that are made to keep pets off the furniture. Thursday night I laid those mats on the floor and made hubby lie on them the whole time he was locked in the confinement room. It really is empowering to have this much control over my husband. 

There are hooks on the walls for bondage but I wanted more bondage options so he installed a thin rubber mat on the floor with hooks bolted to the floor. That makes for a great bondage mat so I can tie him face up or face down to the floor. 

Friday night we had our first D&S session in the confinement room. It is a very tight fit when we are both in there with little room to maneuver. But I love the echo in there when I was administering a whipping. It makes the whipping sound absolutely brutal when in fact it was moderate at best. And I must say that strap-on play was a real blast in there. He was totally helpless and it was so tight in there that my full weight was bearing down on him which made the strap-on that much more intense.

There are some additional enhancements I want to see made to the room. I want him to install a bar on the wall so I can balance myself when I trample his body. Having him bound to the floor makes him all so enticing to trample with my boots. But I need something to hold onto so I don’t lose my balance.

Hey, he wanted more cruelty and I am having a lot of fun with this new little room. I had a girlfriend over last night and we watched “The Change Up” on HBO. She asked me where my husband was at. I smiled and said he was out. Of course he was in his little prison, blindfolded, wearing ear plugs, locked in his chastity device and wearing my panties.

The four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage

I am so behind on my reading. I just now, here in July, got around to reading this first issue of Predominant 2012 and the excellent interview with Monica. She talked about the four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage and in a lot of ways it was like reading about my own marriage (with the exception that Monica is totally monogamous to her husband and does not incorporate cuckolding as that is not one of the four cornerstones).

Here is a portion of Monica’s interview:

“I sat down and established four cornerstones to a successful Femdom relationship. I referred to them as the 4 D’s: Discipline, Domestication, Denial and Domination. And as I shared these with others, I realized you could also bring it down to 4 actual D&S tools. I referred to them as the 4 P’s: The Paddle, the Panties, the Padlock and the Phallus.

1) Discipline (The Paddle):

A weekly discipline session between a dominant wife and her submissive husband is vital. It doesn’t have to be fancy with leather outfits and whips and bondage and all of that. It could be that from time to time in order to add some extra spice and variety but let’s keep with the fundamentals for now. Let’s keep to the paddle (or the hairbrush if you prefer). A weekly session where the woman has her hubby across her lap (or across her bed) and she disciplines him based on his weekly performance in serving her will do miracles in a marriage. If he’s been an obedient hubby, the discipline serves to remind him of his place and to keep him focused. If he has been a disobedient hubby, the discipline will be firmer in order to teach him and train him to do a better job. A weekly spanking will invade his mind, stir his submission and do wonders for a Femdom relationship. Not to mention that it will also build a strong bond of intimacy between the wife and her subby hubby.

2) Domestication (The Panties): 

One area that needs to be addressed during the weekly discipline session is hubby’s performance in doing his assigned chores each week. And let’s be perfectly frank here. In a successful Femdom marriage, the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework. I don’t care how much he works or what a great financial provider he is, that does not excuse him from being domesticated. A domesticated hubby is an obedient hubby. If you allow him to skirt his domestic responsibilities, you are opening the door for trouble in other areas. And the best tool to remind him of his domesticated role is to require him to wear panties. He doesn’t have to be a cross-dresser and the panties don’t have to be a part of forced feminization. And the wife doesn’t have to transform her hubby into a sissy. But there are powerful psychological, sociological and sexual reasons why a submissive hubby should be doing housework while he is wearing a pair of panties (preferably a pair of his wife’s panties). The panties will remind him of his submissive status as well as provide him motivation (and probably sexual excitement which will assist with the motivation.)

3) Denial (The Padlock): 

The panties are a psychological tool for training a man but an even greater tool at the woman’s disposal is the practice of keeping her man sexually denied. It’s been said that a denied male is an obedient male. I would add that an aroused male is also a motivated male. A sexually satisfied male is more likely to be a lazy and complacent male. And not only is the denial process essential in keeping a man obedient outside the bedroom, it can be vital in training a man to be a great lover.

The denial process will teach your hubby to focus his sexual energy on pleasuring the woman (especially orally). Only after the woman has been sexually satisfied will she decide whether or not her hubby is to receive any sexual relief. How often a man is allowed sexual relief will be up to the woman as she weighs his performance, his attitude and his level of servitude. This gives the woman sexual power over her man and most men love to be under the control of a woman’s sexual power. 

Denial is often accomplished with the use of a male chastity device (thus the padlock). It doesn’t have to be but if the honor system is not working, a chastity device can be an invaluable tool. And should your hubby become a bit rebellious about wearing such a device, there are devices today that incorporate additional training aides such as spiked rings to prevent erections or electric shock rings that can give off pulses of correction via a remote control (much like a shock collar used to train animals). But with keeping to the fundamentals, a basic chastity device (like the CB2000, 3000, or 6000) should do in the beginning.

4) Domination (The Phallus):

The fundamentals can be both old school and new school. Physical domination via the paddle is old school yet still very effective. Sexual domination via the strap-on harness is new school and just as effective (if not more so). If a woman wants to get inside of her man’s head and train him via sexuality, there is not a better aide than the strap-on. The man who submits to the strap-on is a man who will submit to the woman who is wielding the phallus attached to the strap-on. The strap-on is a powerful tool as it cuts to the chase; psychologically, sociologically and sexually. It lets the husband know that his wife is the boss. Much like the paddle, the strap-on should be a regular part of any FemDom regiment. And much like the paddle, the strap-on will also build intimacy.

I keep it as simple as possible and it becomes habit and second nature for me. First, once a week, preferably on Friday night, I discipline my husband with an OTK (over the knee) spanking. I might dress up in a leather outfit but more times than not I’ll keep it simple and wear lingerie or something that makes me feel dominant or sexy.  

I will spank him as I grade his weekly performance. Did he do all of his chores? Did he put lots of thought and creativity in preparing my dinners? Was his attitude humble and obedient toward me? I also go over with him what I expect out of him in the week to come. Our weekly discipline session will often lead to sex. If I get excited, I will have him worship my body and orally pleasure me.  

Secondly, my husband gets home before I do each day so before I leave for work, I lay out a pair of panties on my bed. When he gets home, he knows he is to put them on and get to his chores, which includes preparing my dinner. My hubby is always pantied around the house.  

Thirdly, my hubby is in chastity all of the time. We did the CB2000 but have evolved. He now wears a Carrara belt. It is big and bulky and expensive but it is the best we found at making sure he is safe and secure and 100% unable to touch himself in any way.  

Finally, I use the strap-on, usually on our discipline night, every other week. So when you boil it down, we usually only have a D&S session once a week and rarely more than that. Every Friday night (or Saturday if we have plans on Friday) I discipline him and at the same time I grade his weekly performance and depending on the week and my mood, I will take him with the strap-on. These nights almost always lead to sex and sex is about the woman’s pleasure so I get pleasured and most times he stays denied. The other six nights we function in our D&S roles but I don’t have to dominate him because he is focused, so we can interact just like any other couple and we have the intellectual companionship and the friendship to make for a healthy marriage. It takes a little work but not as much as you’d think as long as I stay committed to that weekly discipline session."

Bravo, Monica. This is excellent advice and it reaffirms to me that I am on the right track with what I am doing in my marriage. I need to fine tune a few things and get back to some basics that I have allowed to slip but overall I am utilizing these four cornerstones with wonderful results.

Strap-on session

Last night I had a serious discussion with my hubby about what transpired Saturday night. He confessed to me that he found it to be an erotic experience as he listened to me “getting it on” with my date in the guest bedroom. However, he also admitted to me that he has struggled with it a little this week. It was a very constructive discussion and I saw his point about his fear of someone seeing Chase's car in our driveway and noticing me going out with him for breakfast the next day. I also see his point about my spontaneous actions of giving James the false impression that I was going to allow him the honor of orally pleasuring me but instead I left him hanging and went to be with my date. This caused James some anxiety about the situation.

Nevertheless, I pointed out to my husband that it was my decision and I enjoy having the freedom to be spontaneous when the mood strikes me. Negotiating limits is important within a FemDom marriage but in my mind those limits have long ago been established. James has consented to my right to be with other men so I don’t have to get his “blessing” each and every time a situation presents itself. If I were to do that, then he would be the dominant partner. He agreed with me as I explained this to him but I still felt he needed a reminder of his place in this marriage.

I was going through old e-mails and I recently came across one that Hillary had sent me many years ago about how she loved to change things up when she dominated her husband by using different rooms in the house, different furniture, different scenarios and so on and so forth. I felt like my husband needed a healthy dose of my strap-on but I didn’t want to do it on the bed. I wanted something different and something special.

I took him to the computer room and after he was naked, I had him bend over the desk. I tied his hands so they were spread out on top of the desk, running the rope under the desk and tying it to the legs of the desk. His ass was nice and accessible. The A/C was on full blast so it was cold in the room. I went and put on a pair of tight leather pants and strapped my harness around my waist. I selected a dildo a little bigger than the one I used on him the last time.

I carefully lubricated his anus using a latex glove and some KY jelly. Then I grabbed his shoulders and eased the dildo into him gently. Once it was in there, I began to take him forcefully, very forcefully, grabbing the sides of the desk to give me more leverage.

As I was “taking” my hubby I explained to him again, in no uncertain terms, how I make the decisions on what happens when I’m on a date. I reminded James that he can trust me to keep his interests in the forefront of my mind and that I have never abused that trust. I was then able to get him to surrender his insecurities and male ego over to me by verbally consenting that I’m allowed to be intimate with other men, even if that means doing it across the hall from his bedroom and making him listen in. I reminded James that he should be happy for me when I am with someone who is giving me pleasure.

The strap-on got my points across and James became very docile and compliant to all that I was saying. I even told him he could climax if he could do it from the stimulation of my strap-on. He tried, and he said he was close, but he couldn’t do it. I gave him more than an ample chance but he couldn’t do it, so I withdrew the dildo and untied him. “Lesson learned”, I told him and I ordered him to get dress.

I changed and retired to the living room to watch television. James prepared a snack and a drink for me. I could tell he was in a happy place. We both were. 

Finding like-minded FemDom couples

Between 2001 and 2007, I advertised looking for like-minded FemDom couples. Elise had a section on her site where like-minded couples could communicate with each other. I began this search prior to starting my chapter of ClubFEM and I probably received three or four dozen replies from FemDom couples looking for like-minded people in the Mid-Atlantic area of the United States. The problem was none of the couples were close to where I lived. It seemed that everyone was spread out and it took a four, five, six hour drive (and sometimes even longer) to meet.

I guess it makes sense if you think about it. If you live in a large metropolitan area there are already avenues you can take to meet like-minded couples because most cities have BDSM and D/s groups. And there are sites like collarme.com and alt.com that provide personal ads for the D&S lifestyle.

The couples who lived in more rural and secluded areas were the most likely to contact me because they were not looking for hardcore BDSM players but were seeking a discreet FemDom couple to share ideas with and perhaps “play” with from time to time. That’s what I was looking for.

We probably met two dozen couples in a seven year period. Sometimes we drove to meet them, sometimes they traveled to meet us, and there were a few instances where we met a couple halfway. The initial meeting was always at a restaurant or a nice bar. About half the time we never saw the couple again after that initial meeting. This was due to a variety of reasons. Either the distance was just too darn far or there just wasn’t enough chemistry to pursue future relations. Sometimes a couple kept in touch through e-mail to share ideas and ask questions but they had no interested in “playing” with us.

Then there were the couples that we did “play” with. They were definitely a mixed bag. Not every experience was fulfilling and some were downright frustrating. My husband and I met people from all economic, political and social backgrounds.

One of the lessons I learned through these experiences was that very often it was the submissive husband who made the initial contact with me, pretending to be his wife. There were men who couldn’t wait to meet another FemDom couple but their wives were not as enthused. I picked up on this almost immediately when I talked to the wife over the phone. Some of these women were literally dragged kicking and screaming by their husbands into this lifestyle.

One of the more pleasant surprises I had was when I met Lady Jane and her husband, Steve. They were from North Carolina. I suspected Steve was the one who initially corresponded with me, pretending to be his wife. And when I talked with Jane over the phone, she was a woman of few words. I figured this was going to be another situation where the wife’s heart was not into meeting another FemDom couple but she was going along to appease her husband. 

Jane and Steve drove five hours to meet us at a local restaurant. They originally said they were going to be passing through our town and wanted to know if we could meet them. We agreed but they later admitted (after dinner) they had driven the five hours for the sole purpose of meeting us. It’s astonishing what some people will do to meet like-minded FemDom couples.

What became apparent during dinner was that Jane was indeed dominant and in charge of her marriage. Jane and Steve were about ten to fifteen years older than James and I. Jane was a school teacher and Steve ran his own business (or at least that is what they told us). Jane was a full-figured lady with a very pretty and youthful face for a woman in her early fifties. Steve was tall with a slender albeit athletic build. Jane was the opposite than she was over the phone. She was very talkative at the restaurant and she conveyed a serious and strict demeanor toward Steve.

After dinner, we went to the parking lot and sat in their SUV so we could all talk more freely. That is when Jane told us that Steve was a sissy and she referred to him as Stephanie. I felt very comfortable around this couple but my husband was a little uneasy as the conversation was almost entirely about Steve’s life as Jane’s sissy. I have always enjoyed the occasional forced feminization session with James because I could tell he felt humiliated by the process.

James has never been comfortable around men dressed as sissies, for whatever reason, but I have always loved being around sissies. The first time I attended a BDSM event I thought the sissies were adorable. I wanted one. I didn’t necessarily want my husband to be one but I have always wanted a sissy to serve me domestically. It isn’t feasible right now with the location of our house, our family situation and our overall lifestyle but in the future I still wouldn’t mind adding a sissy to my household, even if it’s on a part-time basis.

A few days after our dinner with Jane and Steve, Jane wrote me and invited James and I down to spend a weekend at their place. James was against it but I overruled him. I wanted to witness this couple in the comfort of their own home setting.

We eventually made the drive down south. Jane and Steve had a lovely home in the country and they put us up in a beautifully decorated guest room. We arrived late Friday night so all we did that night was talk, and not about FemDom. We talked about their house and the place they lived and their plans to retire within the next few years. It was all very pleasant. We were weary from the drive so we went to bed a couple hours after our arrival. But the next day was a different story.

I got up first and I found out that Steve was no more.  He was Stephanie and he was wearing a sissy maid outfit and a blonde wig as he prepared our breakfast. Stephanie was adorable with smooth, shaven legs, wearing white stockings and a black and white PVC maid outfit. Stephanie was actually a prettier woman than Steve was a handsome man. I never would have thought that night at the restaurant that such a tall, athletic looking man could be so cute as a woman. But he was.

Stephanie waited on and pampered me and Jane all weekend long. He was a real Susie homemaker. We had a tea party where he served me and Jane cookies and tea. He cooked all three meals each day and they were fantastic. He gave us foot rubs, foot baths and foot massages.

The biggest challenge I had was James. What was I going to do with my husband? Jane wanted me to feminize him so he could join Stephanie in serving us. She even showed me Stephanie’s sissy wardrobe and said I could pick out an outfit for my hubby. I was tempted but I knew James would embarrass himself because he was nowhere close to being the homemaker that Stephanie was. James is a great submissive, very loyal and obedient, and I’ve domesticated him but I’ve never trained him to be on par with a sissy like Stephanie. That’s why I want my own sissy. They are different than a submissive husband. Sissies thrive at serving their Mistress in a domestic setting. A submissive husband can be trained to be a good cook, to do chores and to be a wonderful obedient servant around the house. But there is something special in a genuine sissy’s sexual DNA when it comes to domestic servitude. 

Instead of feminizing my husband that afternoon at Jane’s house, I ordered him to strip naked and I had him wear a pair of my panties. I brought along a slave collar and wrist and ankle cuffs so I made him put those on and I attached a leash to his collar. I made James knell on the floor beside me and watch as I was pampered by Stephanie. I also did some objectification by using James as my footstool or drink holder. When Stephanie gave me a foot massage, my feet were resting comfortably on my husband’s back.

Saturday night Jane showed me how she disciplines her sissy. Jane and I changed into leather. We both put on leather pants and Jane added a leather halter top and leather gloves to her outfit. I had brought a leather corset but I didn’t feel like going through the ordeal of having James lace it up. Besides, it was humid, even with the AC on. So I settled on wearing a leather bra with no top.

Jane took us down to a room in their basement which had some discipline and bondage furniture such as a spanking bench and a sling. Jane had a nice collection of whips, paddles and canes. Stephanie changed into a pink sissy outfit with a frilly skirt.

Jane strapped him across the bench and began to cane her sissy while we watched. She had him crying and screaming in no time, and he did it in his most feminine sissy voice, a voice that Jane had trained him to use during his discipline sessions. I swear he sounded like a little girl with the way he squealed with each stroke of Jane’s cane. Jane handed me the cane and she watched as I continued his discipline.

Jane’s husband was the main focus of our discipline but we had a great time dominating both men and we broke out the strap-ons and did some double Domming on both husbands. After we were done dominating our husbands, Jane and I retired to the living room where our men served us snacks and drinks. It was a lovely evening.

Stephanie pampered me and Jane all day on Sunday afternoon. We left Sunday evening and James admitted to me on the ride home that he had enjoyed himself. Not that it mattered because I really had a great time with this couple. Jane and her sissy husband were wonderful hosts and I thought that weekend would be the beginning of many future trips to visit our new friends.

Unfortunately, we never made it back. We kept in touch and we were scheduled to visit them again the following summer but the plans fell through. Jane really wanted to meet another couple where the husband was also a sissy. They eventually met another couple where the husband was a sissy and they began to play with them. Jane and I stopped communicating but I will never forget that memorable weekend we spent at their place.

Maybe I will share some of my other favorite adventures with FemDom couples in future posts.

Love, American (FemDom) Style

I’m busy this 4^th of July weekend so I don’t know how much time I will have to post. I am visiting my sisters for the holiday and we went out last night and had a few drinks, danced with some cute guys and had a blast. I left my hubby at home with a list of chores I expect to be done when I return home on Tuesday. If they are not complete, he will be punished.

This has become procedural in our marriage. Prior to us becoming active in this lifestyle my hubby hated it when I would go and visit my sisters over a weekend. He didn’t want to come with me because we have pets and we like to reserve our pet-sitting costs for when we go on vacation. Not only that but he doesn’t fit in when I’m with my sisters. I am the youngest and my sisters are now divorced with their children grown. They are free to do what they want and I like to be free right with them without worrying if my husband is enjoying himself being around all women.

When we got serious with female domination, one of the changes I made to our marriage is I no longer asked him if he would mind if I went to visit my sisters for a weekend, I began to ‘tell him’ that I was going to visit my sisters. I usually brought up the subject during one of our D/s sessions or during one of his discipline sessions and I made it clear that while I was out having fun with my sisters, he would be home in his CB2000 doing chores for me. The power of FemDom is I am able to get him to verbally consent to what I want to do. We no longer fight about these things that in the past were a source of contention.

Even when I went through my wilderness years, we didn’t alter this arrangement. His training when I was actively dominating him had completely changed his attitude and our routine remained the same. When I went to visit my sisters (or friends) over a weekend, he stayed home like a good house hubby and tended to the list of chores I left him. I can’t tell you how much I love this. I am out with my sisters, eating in nice restaurants, going to concerts, hitting some clubs, dancing with other men, and my husband is home taking care of the pets, doing yard work, doing laundry and other ‘hubby do’ items. I never liked using the words ‘honey do’. I always called my list ‘hubby do’.

Now that I’m back in the saddle again, back dominating my husband, we kicked off the weekend in style Thursday night. I put on a pair of tight leather pants (a little too tight but I’m getting back in shape and I was pleased to be able to fit into them again. Yea!) I also wore a leather bra and I put on my strap-on (after fooling around with those darn buckles for way too long. I need a new harness). I used a small dildo seeing we haven’t done this for a time. I called James into the bedroom and told him to bend over. You should have seen his face. Priceless!

It was awkward at first. It reminded me of the first time I ever used the strap-on. Practice does make perfect but I figured it out and lots of lube always helps when the peg doesn’t quite line up with hole, if you know what I mean. I forgot how much I missed doing this to him. I don’t know what it is but seeing myself in the mirror with a cock makes me feel ‘Bitchy’. Taking my hubby with the cock makes me feel commanding and assertive. It was like old times and I had him right where I wanted him.

That’s when I informed him of how he was going to be spending the weekend. He already knew I was leaving him to be with my sisters but this added the icing on the cake. I told him of the chores I expected to be done and I told him I expected him to break out the CB2000 and wear it while I’m gone. I also teased him about the good-looking guys that hang around my sisters and I wanted him to have that in his mind while he’s doing his chores.

After our strap-on session I had him orally pleasure me but he got nothing in return. That will help to keep his mind on me while he does his chores. Am I being mean? No, he loves it. He would much rather be home doing chores for me than having to hang around me and my sisters all weekend. He has plans for the 4^th with his family but Saturday and Sunday he will spend serving me, while I am 200 miles away having fun. Let me tell you, this makes for a great marriage.