The importance of legally protecting yourself in this lifestyle

I received an e-mail from a woman who asked a most important question. “Do you ever fear that your husband might have a change of heart about being a cuckold and in the process suing you for divorce on the grounds of adultery?”

I probably should have covered this before now but thanks to the wise advice of my mentors many years ago, James and I took some steps in order to provide me with legal protection should an unforeseen or unfortunate accident occur during a D&S session, or should my hubby choose to divorce me (which he would tell you will never happen because he is madly in love with me).

I have in my possession (and my attorney has copies in sealed envelopes) three signed handwritten letters from James. In the first letter, he confesses that our D&S lifestyle is a mutually agreed upon lifestyle. James makes it perfectly clear that he introduced this lifestyle to me, that I was a reluctant partner at first, but he persuaded me that he needed this in order to obtain sexual and emotional fulfillment. He says that in his eyes, I do this for him.

In the letter he admits that he encourages me to spank him, whip him, engage in sadomasochistic practices and adhere to a dominance and submission lifestyle where he willfully submits to me. The letter makes it perfectly clear that James not only consents to all that we do, but he emboldens me. The letter also mentions how we have tried our best to become educated about all health and safety issues but we both understand that some of these activities are physical by nature with some risks, yet James still consents to these activities and encourages me to practice them on him.

We did this letter prior to us embracing cuckolding. Once James became my cuckold, I had him write a second letter where he made it clear that he consents to and encourages my sexual affairs with others as a part of our D&S lifestyle. James confesses that he gains sexual arousal from me being with other partners, and as a result he encourages me to be with other partners. Once again, it is all consensual and in his eyes, I do this for him.

The third letter involves our finances. Right now, James’ paychecks are direct-deposited into an account that only I have access. I keep James on an allowance and he must gain my permission if he needs any extra funds. There are other financial dynamics to our marriage that I do not wish to share on this blog but they involve our other possessions, our house, bank accounts and investments. In the letter James consents to our financial arrangement and what he is entitled to should we ever separate or get divorced. All I will say is that our financial arrangement heavily favors me, and at the same time affords him some protection. We also have a Will. James has consented to all of this.

With all three letters, I had a witness present when James signed them. And as an added layer of protection, it was a different witness each time. In other words, the person who witnessed James sign the cuckolding confession was different than the person who witnessed him signing the first letter, who was different than the person who witnessed him signing the financial letter. So nobody could ever accuse me of colluding with another person. The financial letter was accompanied with a legal document drawn up by our attorney involving our finances. My attorney is a woman that knows we practice an alternative lifestyle but as far as I know, she is not involved with the lifestyle. She does not know all the details of our lifestyle but she has enough knowledge to provide legal counsel and she has in her possession copies of James’ letters of consent.

Is this all necessary? Definitely for the finances. The other letters are not so much legal documents but are there to protect me should something unfortunate happen. Say, God forbid, James had a heart attack during an intense D&S session, or say something went wrong and he ended up in an emergency room. Another e-mail I received was a man who warned me against spanking James’ balls too hard because I might severely injure one of his testicles. He said the hospital might inform law enforcement. That’s why I have the letters. Even in 2014, where there are all kinds of alternative lifestyles, some people might not understand. I have a friend who works at a hospital in San Francisco and you should hear about some of the patients who come in.

One guy came in with a wine bottle stuck up his ass. Another guy came in with nails that were hammered into his cock and balls and when the Mistress tried to pull them out, one of them caused a bad injury. You can just imagine what goes on out there.

We try our best to practice safe, sane and consensual but accidents do happen. So if you practice this lifestyle, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have your sub handwrite a consent letter. Even if you don’t want to have someone witness him signing the letter or even if you don’t want to involve an attorney, it’s not a bad idea to have a letter from your submissive in your possession so you can prove that this lifestyle is consensual. And if you are married and practice cuckolding, I would definitely recommend a letter where your husband admits that he has consented to you having sex with others.

Most submissive husbands will find the exercise of writing the letter and signing the letter in your presence to be very exciting. James had a noticeable hard-on when he wrote the first letter. It is in a way an exercise in humiliation, to confess to society, if need be, about his willful submission to his wife. Slave contracts have always been popular within the worlds of BDSM and D&S. Consent letters are kind of like a slave contract only more official.

Update on Her Majesty’s Treasury

I received an e-mail from a wife asking how things have been going since I implemented Her Majesty’s Treasury. She wants to do the same thing starting January 2013 in her marriage. I haven’t written much about this because it has become routine for us but I must say I highly recommend it.

Last January I had my hubby set-up through his place of employment for his paycheck to be direct deposited into an account that is only accessible by me. I now have him on a strict allowance and when he needs extra funds, he must come to his Queen and make a formal request. I either approve or decline his request. Sometimes a denial is also met with a punishment for wasting my time.

Now I must be perfectly honest here. Not all requests turn into a D&S session. Not all involve him humbling himself before me as I sit on my throne (a chair in my bedroom). Sometimes we do this but you will find in the reality of life that it is not practical as I am a busy woman. However, the spirit of Her Majesty’s Treasury is always at work. James must live off of his allowance while I am free to spend as I please. And if he needs additional funds, he must come to me and get my permission.

I would say that this area was the hardest on my hubby than anything else we have done. James was accustomed to being in control of his finances since he moved out of his parent’s house at the age of nineteen. It is very difficult for a forty-something man to be placed on an allowance, and a strict allowance at that. But he has adapted and just like with cuckolding, it is now second-hand for him.

For my part I love having control over our finances. I should point out that we saved more money in 2012 than we have at any other time in recent memory. James was afraid that I would bankrupt us once I was in charge of all the finances but I think he has been amazed at my stewardship of “my” finances. James works for me and now he knows he can surrender all to me and trust me.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I still splurge but now I use what James once wasted on work week lunches and unnecessary purchases to pamper myself with facials, spa days, haircuts, manicures and pedicures. Before I used what I had earned for those but now hubby packs his lunch for work and he has made other financial sacrifices so I can be pampered. The result is that I am able to save more of what we both earn. My lifestyle hasn’t changed a bit but his lifestyle has changed significantly now that he is on an allowance. Which is how it should be in a femdom marriage.

Her Majesty’s Treasury

I’m loving controlling all the finances within my marriage. Last week was the first time my hubby’s paycheck was direct deposited into an account that is only accessible by me. I have him on a strict allowance and when he needs extra funds, he must come to me and make his request to “Her Majesty’s Treasury’. Last night was the first time.

My hubby had two requests, one for a one-time only purchase, and the other a request for an increase in his allowance. He had to strip naked and approach me while I sat on my throne (right now it’s just a chair in my bedroom but a real throne like the one Mistress Jaleen had is on my future wish list). I was wearing a bathrobe and only bra and panties underneath. James humbled himself and kissed my feet as he made his first request to his Queen.

I granted his request as it was a practical purchase. As part of our ritual, whenever I grant a request, my hubby must show his adoration and appreciation by planting kisses on my body to whichever part I point to with my finger. I made him kiss my feet, legs, thighs and both ass cheeks. He was commanded to kiss my body with fast, deep and hard kisses, moving from spot to spot as I kept directing him to different areas of my body. He was out of breath by the time I ordered him to stop.

Then he made his second request to his Queen. He gave me a pitiful verbal presentation about how his allowance wasn’t sufficient for him to eat out with his co-workers for lunch each day. He has eaten out with the same group of male co-workers for years and he looks forward to this as it breaks up his day. I listened to his request, and then I denied his request. I told him that he needs to learn to sacrifice more for his Queen and if he would pack his lunch two days a week and eat out three days a week he could make his allowance work. I then told him that I was going to be taking the money that he would have spent on those extra lunches and I would be treating myself each month to a spa day. Thus his sacrifice would be to my benefit. You should have seen his face.

As part of our new ritual, since I declined his request, he was punished for wasting my time. I had him lay across the bed and I administered a dozen strokes across his buttocks with my long handle riding crop. Then he had to kiss my feet one last time and thank his Queen for allowing him to make his petitions.

Not too early to be thinking about New Year’s resolutions

2012 is right around the corner so I sat down the other night and made out a list of personal goals for the new year. On my list were a few non-Femdom items such as joining a gym and beginning on my new diet. However, I have some Femdom goals as well. The biggest is taking more control of my husband’s finances.

This is a big step and one I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve read about dominant women who require that their husband’s paychecks be deposited into the wife’s private account. To be honest, I never thought I could get my hubby to agree to this. I know this will really be stretching his limits but I think it’s time.

Right now his check is direct deposited into a joint account. My plan is to open an account at the same bank under my name only. Using on-line banking, I will move his check from the joint account into my personal account every payday. Then I will put my hubby on a strict allowance. If he needs additional funds, he will have to come to me and gain my permission. Of course I will make it fun for him. That’s the key to a successful Femdom marriage. There has to be a motivation factor.

I recalled reading about a couple who did this in Elise Sutton’s book “Female Domination”. I went back and found the passage and I really like how they go about it. Her name is Jessica and here is the passage;

“My husband and I recently have come to a unique arrangement regarding our finances. The underlying thesis of our plan is that all of our marital assets belong to me … If hubby wants more than his allowance, I allow him to have a special hearing before the Queen, which is held in our bedroom. I wear a long black satin robe, and black garter belt with stockings, and nothing else and sit on the bed. He will knock at the door and after I say "Enter" he will come in and kneel before me totally nude. I then say "Yes" and he bends down and kisses the top of each foot and says, “My Mistress, I have come to petition your Highness to allow me to have additional funds from Her Majesty's Treasury." I will then listen to his request and grant or deny it.

 If I deny it he is stood in the corner and whipped with a riding crop for wasting my time, and then made to kneel in a corner for thirty minutes to think about why he was punished. If I grant it he is required to kiss the top and bottom of each of my feet, and say "Thank you my Queen." Sometimes I'll condition my grant upon his putting his head between Her Majesty's legs and licking her to orgasm within fifteen minutes, and failure will be punished as mentioned above.

Family budgeting can be fun, especially in a Female Supremacist Household. The last day of the year he'll be up for review to see if he deserves a raise (in his allowance), which will depend on how well he's served me over the year, which will be measured by his performance at work and at home.”

I will tweak how Jessica does it to fit my personality but overall I like her little ritual. Now I must find the perfect situation to inform my hubby of this big change that is forthcoming in 2012. I’m thinking of breaking the news to him during an intense D&S session.