Punishing Hubby

I returned home this morning from my Holiday weekend with my sisters. My hubby did all of his chores like a good boy. Had he not, a punishment would have been in order. I know what you’re thinking. If you are a submissive male and you were in my hubby’s shoes, you would screw up something on purpose just so you could be punished, am I right?

That is one of the challenges to this lifestyle. If a man is submissive or a masochist, how does a woman punish him if he likes to be spanked and whipped and scolded. I struggled with this in my early FemDom years. I swear James always left one or two chores unfinished on purpose just so I would punish him. It was pretty obvious and I didn’t mind because in those early years I enjoyed punishing him almost as much as he liked being punished. However, later on I became annoyed at his willful disobedience. That’s where having mentors like Elise and Hillary or a support group like ClubFEM proves to be invaluable. Sharing ideas with other dominant women and learning from their experience is how you overcome these obstacles.

Elise had a great passage in her first book, “Female Domination”, about the difference between discipline and punishment. I could not say it any better so I’m going to quote her.

“In the FemDom lifestyle, the woman disciplines the man so he becomes a better servant to her. The man is disciplined in order to be corrected so that he becomes that better husband and that better servant. A weekly discipline session is so the Mistress or Dominant Wife can grade the man's performance in his assigned goals and tasks. He is given correction via discipline so that his performance will improve and so that he is properly trained in how to better serve his Mistress or Dominant wife.

A punishment is a judgment or a sentence for the violation of the law that the Dominant woman has laid down. The man that knowingly has violated one of his Queen's commands is punished to pay her retribution for his unlawful behavior. An example would be, say the Dominant Wife forbids her husband to masturbate. If he violates her known rules, he then would be punished to learn his lesson and to pay her retribution for his infraction.

Contrary, the submissive husband is regularly disciplined, whether he has violated any rules or not. He is discipline because his Dominant Wife is training him. A D&S activity like a whipping or a spanking can be either a discipline or a punishment. But the purpose and the severity will vary depending if it is for training or for rebuke. A punishment would be more severe than a discipline.

Discipline is a good thing and the submissive man can be taken to subspace by the loving yet authoritative hand of correction from his Mistress. Discipline is necessary for the Dominant Female to properly train her husband. A man without regular discipline is usually a disobedient husband who becomes self-centered and lazy. By nature, men need to be disciplined by a woman. The more a man is disciplined, the less he will need to be punished because he will be more obedient.

Punishment is a negative and is not intended to be submissively fulfilling. It is intended to punish wrong doings in a manner so that the wrong doings do not happen again. A punishment is also an act of love but its purpose is to rebuke and reprimand. The terms discipline and punishment are easily intermingled and sometimes people refer to a punishment as discipline and vice versa. However, the terminology is not as important as the purpose of the correction. If it is to train, guide and alter a male's behavior and attitude, then it is Discipline. If it is to reprove, penalize and chastise a male for disobedience, then it is Punishment. “

Say what you will about Elise and her philosophy but there is no denying that she is a wise woman with decades worth of experience. I could not have asked for a better mentor in those early years and the same can be said for Hillary, Lilly, Kay, Dee and Alex.

If James made honest mistakes in doing his chores, that would be addressed in his next discipline session. It doesn’t matter if he enjoys receiving discipline more than I like dishing out discipline, as long as the discipline works to adjust his attitude and to motivate him to do better. Discipline sessions usually consist of an OTK spanking, or light to medium whippings, or strap-on play. I liked our discipline sessions because they made us feel close to each other.

To a man like James a spanking or a whipping is as intimate as sex. I may not feel that way but he does. It works. James is always more eager to please me after I’ve disciplined him. It works like a charm. That’s why it was difficult for him during my wilderness time. He missed these sessions more than I did.

Punishments are different. If James purposively neglects his chores or screwed up because he was lazy while I was gone and he had to rush at the last minute to try to get them done before I got home, he needs to be punished but it must be something that he hates. It must be something he fears. That’s where my mentors and dominant friends were a big help in giving me ideas. I’ve learned what he hates and that’s what he gets when he’s been disobedient.

Here is a brief list of what works best on James:

-The cane (he hates being whipped with my cane. There is nothing erotic about it when I punish him with my cane).

-Corner time after the cane (he has to stand with his face to the corner for as long as I say).

-Corner time without the cane (making him spend a couple of long, boring hours with his nose to the wall is punishment enough. He hates it).

-Electric cock-ring (He hates this device. As a punishment he has to wear it around the house for a week and he gets frequent shocks when the mood strikes me).

-Taking away privileges like no television and no computer for a specified length of time (maybe a weekend, maybe an entire week).

-Early bedtime for a week (after he finishes his nightly chores he has to go to bed early).

-No discipline sessions, no D/s play for two weeks or maybe longer.

-He is denied access to my body for two weeks or maybe longer. No body worship and absolutely no licking my pussy. (He hates this one most of all).

Some of the suggestions the girls gave me didn’t work on James because he seemed to enjoy them. It is a trial and error process but once you find four or five things that he hates, you’re in control. It worked beautifully on James. He no longer screwed up his chores on purpose hoping I would punish him. He no longer wanted to be punished. He wants to be disciplined and he works hard to please me when he does his chores.

Love, American (FemDom) Style

I’m busy this 4^th of July weekend so I don’t know how much time I will have to post. I am visiting my sisters for the holiday and we went out last night and had a few drinks, danced with some cute guys and had a blast. I left my hubby at home with a list of chores I expect to be done when I return home on Tuesday. If they are not complete, he will be punished.

This has become procedural in our marriage. Prior to us becoming active in this lifestyle my hubby hated it when I would go and visit my sisters over a weekend. He didn’t want to come with me because we have pets and we like to reserve our pet-sitting costs for when we go on vacation. Not only that but he doesn’t fit in when I’m with my sisters. I am the youngest and my sisters are now divorced with their children grown. They are free to do what they want and I like to be free right with them without worrying if my husband is enjoying himself being around all women.

When we got serious with female domination, one of the changes I made to our marriage is I no longer asked him if he would mind if I went to visit my sisters for a weekend, I began to ‘tell him’ that I was going to visit my sisters. I usually brought up the subject during one of our D/s sessions or during one of his discipline sessions and I made it clear that while I was out having fun with my sisters, he would be home in his CB2000 doing chores for me. The power of FemDom is I am able to get him to verbally consent to what I want to do. We no longer fight about these things that in the past were a source of contention.

Even when I went through my wilderness years, we didn’t alter this arrangement. His training when I was actively dominating him had completely changed his attitude and our routine remained the same. When I went to visit my sisters (or friends) over a weekend, he stayed home like a good house hubby and tended to the list of chores I left him. I can’t tell you how much I love this. I am out with my sisters, eating in nice restaurants, going to concerts, hitting some clubs, dancing with other men, and my husband is home taking care of the pets, doing yard work, doing laundry and other ‘hubby do’ items. I never liked using the words ‘honey do’. I always called my list ‘hubby do’.

Now that I’m back in the saddle again, back dominating my husband, we kicked off the weekend in style Thursday night. I put on a pair of tight leather pants (a little too tight but I’m getting back in shape and I was pleased to be able to fit into them again. Yea!) I also wore a leather bra and I put on my strap-on (after fooling around with those darn buckles for way too long. I need a new harness). I used a small dildo seeing we haven’t done this for a time. I called James into the bedroom and told him to bend over. You should have seen his face. Priceless!

It was awkward at first. It reminded me of the first time I ever used the strap-on. Practice does make perfect but I figured it out and lots of lube always helps when the peg doesn’t quite line up with hole, if you know what I mean. I forgot how much I missed doing this to him. I don’t know what it is but seeing myself in the mirror with a cock makes me feel ‘Bitchy’. Taking my hubby with the cock makes me feel commanding and assertive. It was like old times and I had him right where I wanted him.

That’s when I informed him of how he was going to be spending the weekend. He already knew I was leaving him to be with my sisters but this added the icing on the cake. I told him of the chores I expected to be done and I told him I expected him to break out the CB2000 and wear it while I’m gone. I also teased him about the good-looking guys that hang around my sisters and I wanted him to have that in his mind while he’s doing his chores.

After our strap-on session I had him orally pleasure me but he got nothing in return. That will help to keep his mind on me while he does his chores. Am I being mean? No, he loves it. He would much rather be home doing chores for me than having to hang around me and my sisters all weekend. He has plans for the 4^th with his family but Saturday and Sunday he will spend serving me, while I am 200 miles away having fun. Let me tell you, this makes for a great marriage.

Female Supremacy

In addition to the D/s and sexual changes in my marriage, the dynamics outside the bedroom were just as profound. The first time I heard “female supremacy” was from Mistress Morgan (I found a few pictures of Morgan from when she had her site).

The following is more about our visit to see Morgan (from Elise Sutton’s book, “Female Domination”);

“We arrived at the restored Victorian residence which was located minutes from downtown Pittsburgh in a safe, upscale neighborhood. We made our way up the long staircase, rang the bell and Morgan's friendly face appeared around a half open door. She was stunningly beautiful with long black hair and big brown eyes. The inside of her place was clean, bright and spotless. Morgan wore a gorgeous one-piece black leather corset with buckles down the center. She also wore thigh-high black leather boots. This was the perfect outfit for my husband as he has an enormous leather fetish.

                   

Morgan had told me to bring along an outfit. I brought a short, sexy, black dress that exposed major cleavage. James had told me that I looked very dominant in this dress. Morgan showed me to her bathroom to change while she entertained James in her living room. Morgan had my husband strip totally naked and she placed some wrist and ankle cuffs on him. She made him sit on the floor of her living room awaiting my entrance. When I emerged in my tight dress, Morgan complimented me on how beautiful I looked. She invited me to sit on her couch and she asked me if I wanted James to sit next to me or did I prefer that he remain on the floor. This totally shocked me but I must say that the sight of my husband naked at the feet of two women did turn me on.

I made the decision that James had to remain on the floor. Morgan sat across from us and she took her time as she interviewed us about our past experiences and our future goals in the female domination lifestyle. After answering a series of her questions, I took another look at my husband. I loved seeing him in such a vulnerable state.”

It was during this conversation that Morgan told me that she was a female supremacist and that her boyfriend was not allowed to sit on the furniture without her permission. She got me to think in terms of me ‘owning’ James. She got me to think in terms of owning everything from James’ body to his time to his/our possessions. A simple act like sitting on the furniture was not to be taken for granted by my husband. This was a radical way of thinking to me but I liked it.

Morgan was the one who told me about Elise Sutton’s site. In those days Elise’s site was called “Elise Sutton’s Female Superiority Page”. Female Superiority? Female Supremacy? Did these women really believe they were superior to men?

Truth be told, I didn’t really believe I was superior to my husband or that women were superior to men. But the more I read Elise’s site, it made sense. She wasn’t advocating that women were inherently or genetically better than men. She was saying that women should be in authority over men because males needed female guidance in order to lead fulfilling lives.  She was saying it was her observation that men are happier when they are under female control. ‘Authority’ is a synonym of the word ‘superiority’ and ‘control’ is a synonym of the word ‘supremacy’. When you say ‘female authority’ and ‘female control’ that doesn’t sound as radical as ‘female superiority’ or ‘female supremacy’.

I began to institute this new way of thinking into my marriage. James was all for it because he had been fantasizing about being dominated by a woman since he was a boy. However, he soon found out that living this way was not all fun and games and orgasms. I never implemented the furniture restrictions but I began to require that he get my permission before he did almost anything. I also slowly required that he do more housework. He loved it at first but it became mundane. He found out that I could not dress up in fetish outfits every night and threaten him with a whip. That was totally unrealistic. James had to learn to do chores for me out of his devotion to me. He didn’t always respond to this way of thinking and that was a source of contention between us.

It’s like most things in life, on paper Elise’s philosophy was impeccable, but in practice it was not that easy. I equate it to learning a theory in college. Theory is just that. Realism is much different. That’s not a knock on Morgan or Elise or anyone else. I embraced most of what these women shared with me, and I will admit that the loving female authority philosophy improved my marriage and to a large extent improved my life, but there were pitfalls and I had to learn to adjust.

As much as I would have loved for my husband to do most of the household chores and the cooking, it was unrealistic to expect that out of a man who worked a job fifty to sixty hours a week. However, I was able to get him to help out more around the house, and that in itself was a major improvement, and I was able to get him programmed to ask my permission for what he used to take for granted. If he wanted to stop somewhere on his way home from work, he had to call and get my permission, and if I denied his request, he learned to obey me, even when he didn’t want to obey me. This was a major change in our marriage and I loved controlling my husband. I didn’t want to micromanage his life but I liked being in charge.

Did we have a female supremacy marriage? I think we did but only in that we viewed the wife as having the final say. I was never a dictator. I was more of an even-tempered boss of the marriage. In a future post I’ll talk about how I disciplined and punished my husband when he displeased me. We are slowly getting back to that place of female authority and female control within our marriage but we’re not there yet.

Live sessions

The first phone client who came to session with me in person was from Chicago. He was about my age, maybe a few years younger. He flew into Pittsburgh and drove to a resort about an hour from where I lived. I broke the news to my husband that I was going to be spending the entire day with this gentleman. All of my preparation and training were put to the test, and although I could tell he was hesitant, to his credit my husband submitted to my wishes.

I drove to the resort and met my client. We had exchanged photos and he was even better looking in person. He was very tall and handsome. I should also point out that he was single. We had lunch and established a comfort level. I had my husband call me every hour on my phone as an extra safety precaution. After lunch, my client and I went to his room where I changed into a leather outfit and he stripped naked.

My session with him mostly consisted of boot worship, ass worship/face sitting (with me being totally clothed), some c/b play and me spanking him. It lasted two hours, maybe a little longer. Afterwards, we hung out and went to dinner. I drove home that night and he flew home the next day. That one session cost him a pretty penny between airfare, renting a car, the hotel room, buying me lunch and dinner, and of course my financial tribute for the session.

But the best part of the session was this new power I had over my husband. I teased him for days, making him wonder whether or not I had sex with this guy (which I didn’t). When he asked, my answer was ‘what if I did, what business is it of yours?’ This was all part of getting my husband to become less jealous and to accept that I can do whatever I want, within limits naturally, and that he could trust me to always keep his best interests in mind while I was exploring my dominance. After a few days of teasing him I finally told my husband the truth.

The next client I met for an in-person session flew into Baltimore and got a hotel next to the airport. I had my husband drive me to this appointment and he had to wait in the car outside the hotel while I dommed this older gentleman. I don’t recall the exact details of that session but I remember that he was a little bit too frisky at first so I handcuffed his hands behind his back. But other than his initial enthusiasm when he first caught sight of me dressed in my fetish outfit, he was very sweet and we had a good session.

The next phone client that I agreed to meet in person was ten years younger and very good looking. He claimed he was well-endowed and had been used by a DC professional Mistress to cuckold her husband (while he watched). This client gave me the woman’s website address and I contacted her to verify if whether or not this was true. She told me it was.

Prior to meeting him, I got a lot of mileage out of this by teasing my husband during our personal FemDom sessions. I had my husband to the place where he was ready to accept being my cuckold, and I played it up for all it was worth, but the truth was I wasn’t ready yet. I loved playing the cuckolding mind games with my hubby and I loved how he was no longer jealous when I interacted with other men, be they submissive men over the phone, or be they live FemDom sessions, or be they men I met out at clubs when I went dancing with my sisters. I had even kissed a few men I had met at the clubs but I wasn’t yet comfortable doing anything beyond that. However, I knew agreeing to meet this particular phone client was going to be tempting.

This client wanted to be dominated and he wanted me to whip and punish his cock because, according to him, he had slept with too many women in his past. We talked about it during our phone calls and this is what he wanted. We met for dinner and there was instant and mutual attraction. Then he got a hotel room. I brought the outfit he wanted me to wear; my leather corset, a pair of tight leather shorts and my knee length leather boots. I also brought my light deerskin flogger.

I got dressed in my outfit and he stripped naked for me. I tied him face up on the bed and when he gained his full erection I saw that he was being truthful when he said he was well-endowed. I did some teasing and denial with him, getting him very excited, than I took my soft flogger and began to whip his cock. The session was so freaking hot. I whipped his cock with a rhythm that had him on the edge of orgasm. A few times I accidently got his balls squarely which hurt him enough that it broke the mood, but he bounced back immediately. He asked me to whip him faster and harder, which I did and he couldn’t hold back so he finally climaxed, shooting his ‘load’ way up in the air and it landed all over his chest. I was very, very aroused from this session.

I didn’t want to have sex with him but I needed sexual relief. I took off my leather shorts and I climbed on his face and had him orally pleasure me. He was very good at it and I came quickly.

The next time I dominated my husband, I was taking him with my strap-on when I broke the news to him that another man had eaten his wife’s pussy. He climaxed almost instantly. I knew then and there that I had my hubby trained to accept whatever I wanted to do with whomever I wanted to do it with, and deep down I knew he was enjoying this dynamic of our marriage.

So did I ever take a lover and make my hubby into a cuckold? I’ll let you know the answer to that question in a future post.

Cuckolding

When you become involved in a FemDom marriage, it’s almost inevitable that the topic of cuckolding will come up. The majority of the women I encountered in this lifestyle did not practice cuckolding, nor did they seem all that interested in doing so. But the men were a different story. A lot of my clients wanted to discuss it and a lot of the women in my chapter of ClubFEM said their husbands had brought up the subject with them.

I could relate because my husband was the first person I ever heard use the word cuckolding. The idea of cuckolding excited my husband and we would joke around about me dating other men. He had this fetish for cuckoldry but it was only a fantasy, so I would play along and tease him about it. The phone calls allowed me an opportunity to explore this fetish more as I increased the level of teasing.  Although I wasn’t dating my clients, I figured this would be appealing to my hubby because I was talking with other men about very intimate issues.

But to my surprise my husband became jealous of me doing phone calls, especially if I liked a particular client. That just goes to show that men sometimes just don’t know what they want. Some clients would send me gifts and cards. It was a real challenge for my husband to go to the mailbox and see cards and packages addressed to me with the words “For Kathleen’s eyes only!” He wanted to read the cards, but I wouldn’t let him. I suppose the possibility of dating another man was there, should I happen to find a client in whom I was interested, but I wasn’t looking. There were arguments over this and he received disciplinarian measures to deal with his jealousy. But all of that soon became a thing of the past. 

The next time cuckolding seriously entered into our conversation was when I was starting ClubFEM. I had to communicate with the Head Mistress of the national ClubFEM, Mistress Dee, and one night I called her on the phone to ask her a question and her husband answered and told me she was getting ready for her date. He put Dee on the phone and I said something like “I won’t keep you since you and your husband are getting ready to go out on a date.” Her reply to me was, “Gene can better answer your questions about ClubFEM because he handles the administration stuff. He’ll be here all night. I’m getting ready for a date with my boyfriend, not my husband.”

That proclamation made Dee late for her date because we spent the next 30 minutes on the phone talking about cuckolding and how it worked within her marriage. I was totally captivated. Naturally I told my husband and teased him mercilessly about it. For the first time I was interested in cuckolding. I thought to myself, “to kiss another man, to be intimate with another man while still being married to a faithful spouse, I could see me enjoying that kind of arrangement.”

I still kept it as fantasy talk between me and my husband, but the topic seemed to become more prevalent during our playtime. And my husband could tell there was a change in me when we discussed it. I was actually serious about it (if a perfect situation would present itself).

James had a hard time dealing with jealousy but there are ways of dealing with jealousy in the FemDom lifestyle that make it a moot point. I began to train him to accept whatever I wanted to do with whomever I wanted to do it with. I figured if we were going to truly have a FemDom marriage, jealousy could have no part in it.

The next training opportunity when it came to cuckolding was when a new couple joined my chapter of ClubFEM. They were a very attractive couple, she was tall and curvy and he was big and muscular. They both were really into fitness. I’ll call them Staci and Joe. Staci and I became friends and one night we were talking on the phone and she told me that her husband wanted her to cuckold him. She said it seemed as if that’s all he wanted to talk about during sex.

Staci didn’t want to do it because they had kids at home but one of their favorite things to do as a couple was to go out to a club and she would dance and flirt with men all night while her husband watched from a distance. Staci asked me if my husband and I wanted to join them the next time they did this. It sounded like fun so I agreed.

Since they had kids and couldn’t stay out real late, we agreed to meet them at a club in Baltimore, which was close to where they lived. Staci and I both dressed daringly and we acted like we were single gals on the prowl. Our husbands sat at a rear table and watched us all night.

According to James, Staci’s husband was really into it. Staci and I danced with a lot of guys. She was amazing as she bumped and grinded against her dance partners, giving her husband quite the show.

It took me a little time to warm up to the atmosphere of the club, but I think I did myself proud for a married woman who hadn’t done this in years. I even kissed this one guy on the dance floor which really tested my husband’s ability to suppress his jealousy. On the drive home he admitted to me that he became very aroused watching me flirt with other men. It was harmless fun although another important step in training my husband.

The next challenge was when a few of my phone clients wanted to “play with me” in person and were willing to travel to me and pay me for a live session. I originally became a phone Mistress as a potential training ground to becoming a professional Dominatrix. Therefore I decided to take that next step but only with a select few clients that I had been talking with for at least a year and in whom I was totally comfortable with.

I will discuss this in more detail and elaborate on my personal experience with cuckolding in future posts.

Mentors

Elise Sutton was my main mentor throughout my early years in FemDom but I also considered a woman by the name of Hillary to be a mentor as well because she offered a different twist on the lifestyle than Elise. Whenever I was struggling to understand something or needed to comprehend an idea in a different light, I could always turn to Hillary.

Another way that Hillary was helpful was just by sharing her wild and crazy stories with me. She gave me so many bright ideas and over the years I have incorporated numerous “Hillary originals” into my own playtime.

Hillary also has a strong women’s intuition. A couple years back I was struggling with some personal issues. I never mentioned them to her but somehow she picked up on them. The words she spoke into my life helped to turn the situation around and for that I will be eternally grateful.

One of my biggest thrills was when I got to meet my mentors face to face. When Elise began her e-zine, she asked me if I wanted to contribute. I declined at first but she persuaded me to be interviewed for one of the earliest issues. My interview ran in the February 2005 edition.

Hillary knew I was a big film buff and she came up with the idea for me to do a FemDom movie review for each issue. Elise loved the idea and that is how my movie review column came to be in “Predominant”.

There were four women that put together the early issues of the e-zine. In the autumn of 2005, Elise invited us all to Las Vegas to meet face to face and discuss the future of the e-zine. I had only met Elise on one other occasion. We met for dinner in 2003 at a restaurant in Georgetown. Meeting Hillary, Lilly, and Kay, along with their spouses, face to face in Las Vegas was a big thrill for me.

It was on this trip that we all went to see the kinky show “Fashionistas” at Krave nightclub, located on the side of the Aladdin Hotel and Casino (now Planet Hollywood) on Harmon Avenue. I reviewed the show for the December 2005 issue of “Predominant”.

I had other mentors in addition to Elise and Hillary. Mistress Dee of the Houston chapter of ClubFEM was very helpful to me on more than one occasion, and of course my good friend Mistress Alex of the DC chapter of ClubFEM always had nuggets of wisdom to pass along. But the sad thing is that I haven’t kept in contact with any of these women. That’s partly on me but I’ve noticed that this lifestyle is like that. You meet people, you become friends, you share many intimate details about your sex life with each other, but these relationships don’t seem to last.

The couples I met at ClubFEM came and went. You never knew who would show up again. There were so many people I met through this lifestyle. James and I even traveled and met other couples not associated with ClubFEM, and we would “play” with these people for one night, and it would be enjoyable, and we’d write back and forth in the days and weeks afterwards, or we’d talk on the phone, but then nothing. They’d just dropped out of sight, never to be heard from again.

I guess that’s to be expected when you’re dealing with such a private area of people’s lives. Some people were really weird about it but others, like Alex and Steve, were very open about it. I’m a very open person and I have no problem sharing my innermost being with others, but my husband is the opposite. I call him ‘secret agent man’ because he doesn’t want anyone to know our business, and I’m not just talking about our sex life. He doesn’t want others to know anything about his personal life.

Nonetheless, we all need mentors. We all need knowledge. We all need someone we can go to when we have questions. The Internet is a great source but you never really know who is on the other end of that website, blog, or e-mail. It’s nice to have relationships with people you trust, even if they are cyber relationships. And it’s nice to have mentors.

ClubFEM (Females Enslaving Males)

By 2002, I was seeking to make friends within the lifestyle for support, education, friendship, etc. Try as I might to find a group that was a good fit for me, I kept turning up empty-handed. Then I remembered the woman I had met at the BR-2000. She was the one who mentioned ClubFEM.

Females Enslaving males (ClubFEM) was started in late 1992 in Houston, Texas by a FemDom couple, Mistress Dee and her husband/slave Gene. I contacted ClubFEM and they convinced me to start my own chapter as they lacked a branch in the Mid-Atlantic.

The first step was to build a website. I was fortunate in that I was able to pattern my website after the ClubFEM website from the national branch in Houston. They had already established club rules and club protocol and I was able to copy their model for my chapter. I simply posted the ClubFEM rules and protocol on my site, along with a little biographical data about myself. Elise Sutton was kind enough to post a link to my site and in a matter of weeks I began to receive e-mails from couples in southern Pennsylvania, Maryland, Washington DC and Northern Virginia who were interested in joining a group like ClubFEM. It was heartening to see that so many other people were interested in the female domination lifestyle.

I began to set up meetings with each couple that were interested in joining ClubFEM. Initially, my husband and I met each couple separately for dinner at an agreed upon restaurant so we could verify that they were compatible with my vision for a female domination support group. This proved to be slow going as it was difficult to work all of these interview meetings into my schedule. The other major challenge that I faced was finding a place to host the ClubFEM socials.

I had contacted a few Pro Dommes in the Baltimore and DC metro areas and I inquired about using their dungeons to hold a monthly social. Unfortunately most Pro Dommes need their place on the weekend so that did not materialize. Next, I contacted a couple of commercial dungeon/play spaces about renting a place for our ClubFEM socials. This did not pan out either because of the cost and we didn’t have enough couples to make it affordable. I didn’t want ClubFEM to be a financial strain on our members.

In the course of trying to locate a suitable play space, some of the couples we had met with and who were gung-ho about joining, dropped out of sight. One couple moved away, another couple became active in the Black Rose and another couple simply developed cold feet. I began to realize why there were no female domination groups in the Maryland/DC area. But just about the time I was ready to give up I received more e-mails from couples who were interested in joining. I talked with some of the ladies on the phone and I could see that there was a real enthusiasm and a real need for a female domination group.

This time I decided that instead of meeting each couple one on one, I would hold a ‘Meet and Greet’ in the backroom of a centrally located restaurant. Anyone who wanted to join ClubFEM would have to attend this Meet and Greet.

I booked the room, set the date and crossed my fingers. To my delight, we had a packed house and every couple exceeded my expectations. I knew right away that this was going to be a great group. The women were intelligent, sharp and attractive and the men were dedicated to their women. I had never expected such an upwardly mobile group of people at a gathering for an alternative lifestyle.

The Meet and Greet went splendidly as we all shared with each other how we got involved in the female domination lifestyle and we tossed back and forth some ideas about where we could host our ClubFEM gatherings. I explained the costs involved with renting a commercial dungeon/play space or a hotel suite. The group agreed that neither setting was what they desired. Finally, toward the end of the Meet and Greet, a couple offered their home. They lived in Northern Virginia, close to Dulles Airport. It would be a lengthy drive for some of the couples but it was unanimous that everyone was willing to cover the distance once a month in order to be a part of ClubFEM.

The couple that so kindly offered to host the monthly socials was Mistress Alex and her submissive hubby, Steve. My husband and I would soon become close friends with these wonderful people. Not only did they open their home to host ClubFEM, but they also offered for my husband and I to spend the night, since we had the longest drive. It was during these times of staying over after ClubFEM, and having breakfast the following morning, that we developed a special relationship with Alex and Steve.

ClubFEM was a hit from the start as every couple that attended the Meet and Greet showed up for the first social at Alex and Steve’s home. The women socialized in the living room while the men cooked and prepared dinner. The men served the women by filling our drink glasses and once dinner was ready, the men served the women first before they were able to partake. What a wonderful social reversal this was. How many times I had attended church and community functions where the women congregated to the kitchen to prepare food while the men socialized. But at the ClubFEM socials the women did the socializing and the men were the servers.

Each week the socials followed a similar format. The first half of the social was about socializing, building relationships, sharing ideas and stories, and having the more experienced among us answer any questions that were asked by the newcomers to the female domination lifestyle. It was truly a support group. After we ate, following the tradition of the other ClubFEM chapters, I would call ‘Protocol’ and the real fun began.

During the first couple of socials, some people struggled with the second half of our ClubFEM socials because they had never been around a room full of women dressed in fetish attire while the men were practically naked with the exceptions of their slave collars, wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and only a thong or chastity device or a pair of panties. It was perfectly understandable that a few of the women were uneasy. After all, for ninety minutes you are sitting with a group of people dressed in street clothes; chatting, laughing, and behaving like any other group of friends or associates would in a domestic setting. Then in a matter of minutes, this same group of people are now sitting in the same room but the entire setting has been transformed as the women are wearing leather and the men are collared and on leashes.

For some people, it took a few socials before they totally overcame their anxiety, and sadly two couples never did return. But on the whole, the group was a smashing success. Most people came month in and month out and our membership continued to grow as new couples were joining.

For each social a theme is agreed upon ahead of time by the members such as Show and Tell, Medical Exam, Contests, Special Guest Speaker, etc. These plays times can last for a couple hours before people begin filtering out and heading home. Again, the idea was to have fun but to also learn from each other, be accountable to each other, be available for those experiencing problems or who have questions about the lifestyle, etc.

When it was possible, some people would hang around afterwards and engage in chit chat, getting to know one another better. Relationships were what my chapter of ClubFEM was all about.

I always enjoyed our Show and Tell nights the best because everyone got to participate. It was great to watch the Dommes getting excited about their toys as they described how they used them on their submissives when they were at home.

Another fantastic social was the night all the Dommes wore strap-ons around their waists and the subs took turns being used by all the women at once. One of the ladies (usually the wife or girlfriend) took the sub from behind while another Mistress made him suck her dildo and still another Mistress was verbally abusing the poor soul while striking him with whatever tool of discipline she had in her hand at the time. I think every man that night went into subspace.

But my lasting memory from that night was when Mistress Alex ‘took’ her slave husband Steve in every room in the house while the rest of us ladies followed them and watched. She ‘took’ him over the couch in the living room, she ‘took’ him over the dining room table, she ‘took’ him over the kitchen counter top, she ‘took’ him on her bed, and when they walked from room to room, the dildo never left her strap-on and it never left his rectum. They walked in perfect rhythm together.

Another great night was when we had the Pro Domme, Mistress Tyler from DC, as our guest speaker. She was awesome and spent nearly two hours speaking to us and demonstrating various techniques she uses on her clients. Each time she did a demo a different sub volunteered to be her victim, um, assistant.

Our group flourished for a couple of years but unfortunately, like all good things, nothing stays the same. Alex and Steve had to move abroad for Steve’s career so we had to find a new place to host our socials. I organized another Meet and Greet at a downtown Baltimore restaurant and during the changeover we lost some couples but we gained many new people, including a dynamic single woman named Lisa.

One of the new couples that attended the Meet and Greet offered their home for the next ClubFEM social. It was exciting to have a new venue with so many new people in attendance. That social was another great time as we did Show and Tell and some of the demonstrations included rope bondage, Queening (with the help of the host couple’s personal Queening chair), feminization and male chastity. I think everyone had a great time.

It was during this period of time that I decided to hand the reigns of the group over to someone else. I chose Lisa and she has done some wonderful new things with the group. The group became known as the DC Metro chapter of ClubFEM. There was also a Baltimore chapter, so what was once one group in the MD/DC/VA area became two groups.

We stayed members of Lisa’s group for the first year but we rarely attended because of the distance. Eventually we stopped going all together. Today there are nineteen chapters of ClubFEM in existence in the US and Canada.