Being married to a dominant woman is not all fun and games

Ever since I‘ve been involved with the Femdom lifestyle, men have told me how they envy my husband. It happened all the time when I did phone calls and I still get the occasional e-mails from admirers who tell me how they would love to trade places with James. But never forget that being married to a dominant woman is not all fun and games.

Today is a perfect example. I got up early and went shopping with a girlfriend. I’ve been looking for a cutlery set for a Christmas gift. I came across one at a store but I was hesitant to buy it without doing some research, but it was on sale so I needed to make a quick decision. I called James because I wanted him to get on Amazon and check the price and the reviews before I made the purchase. I first called him on our landline but he didn’t pick up. Then I called him on his cell. Again he didn’t pick up. I waited an hour and tried him again. Still no answer. I left messages but he didn’t call me back right away. I was getting very mad.

He finally called me back but by this time me and my girlfriend had driven to a different store. James was outside doing items on his hubby-do list but he forgot to take his cell phone with him. I made him go inside and look up the information for me on the computer but I told him that he would be punished when I got home. I don’t like it when I can’t get a hold of him and he knows he is to always have his phone with him.

I will be the first to admit that I can be a real selfish bitch when things don’t go my way. I can be a patient woman but not with James. Years of dominating him has definitely effected our relationship in that I expect him to be at my beckon call. When he disappoints me, I know I have the power in the relationship to punish him. That’s just the way it is.

When I got home, he was outside putting a cover over the air conditioner unit in preparation for the winter. I ordered him to unload my car and carry my bags inside. Then I told him to go into the bedroom. I ordered him to strip naked and lay across the bed. He tried to justify his mistake, making excuses. I ordered him to silence. I told how frustrated I was at the store, unable to get a hold of him, and how mad I got when he didn’t call me back.

I opened my toy chest and got out a cane. This would not be a D&S session with a warm-up flogging. I did not change into a leather outfit. I was totally clothed in jeans and a sweater. I administered a dozen, hard and firm blows with the cane and when I was done he had a few welts on his ass. It was not fun and games. When I was done, I commanded that he resume with his chores.

Am I a prima donna? Yes, I admit I can be temperamental and selfish and not very forgiving when it comes to my husband. However, that’s what he loves about me. He wanted me to be selfish when I began to explore my dominant side. He has had to learn to take the good with the bad. I know he hates to be at my beckon call. He hates it when I interrupt him when he is in the middle of something, even if that something is doing chores for me, to go and do a different task. But such is the price to be married to a dominant woman.

Date night without the date

Last night I was in the mood for a sensual night with my hubby. I’ve learned from experience that his passion, for lack of a better word, is hotter when he is preparing me for a date with another man than when it is just the two of us spending a romantic evening alone at home. Not that the latter isn’t special when we do it but when you are married to a submissive man who is sexually wired the way my hubby is, the flame of passion definitely burns hotter in him when there is an element of humiliation or domination. It used to bother me that he had to have that element of domination in order to be intimate but now I am accustomed to it and I’ve accepted it.

There is no man in my life right now other than my hubby but I remind him as often as I can that I am a liberated wife and thus free to see whomever I want when I want. So Thursday I told him I had a date Friday night. He asked me whom I would be seeing but I strung him along and told him he would find out in due course. The truth was I had no date but I knew my little white lie would enhance our time together.

My hubby was under the impression that I would be going out late, around 9:00, so we began around 7:00. I had him put on his chastity device and a pair of my panties. I had him bathe me, dry my hair, brush my hair and put moisturizing lotion all over my body to prepare me for my date. The hair brushing is especially special for me because when we were dating, long before we ever became involved in the Femdom lifestyle, my hubby used to love to brush my long red hair. It was one of the earliest signs of male submission I noticed in him. We were in love and he wanted to pamper me.

Last night I had my hubby pamper me to the umpth degree. When it got close to 9:00, I came clean and told him I had no date. By then he was so aroused that it didn’t matter. He was full of passion so I told him that I was in need of a full body massage. We have a massage table so he prepared the table and gave me a wonderful 90 minute massage. I was nice and relaxed but I wanted to be more relaxed so I ordered him to orally service me right there while I was still on the massage table. It was wonderful.

After I was sexually satisfied, I went to bed. I told my hubby I wanted him to remain in chastity for the weekend, even while he did his chores. As I write this on Saturday afternoon, he is out raking leaves while he has multiple loads of laundry going. It is a beautiful day here and I am off to take the dog for a walk. My hubby has been instructed to prepare a nice dinner for me tonight. Afterwards, who knows? Last night I was in the mood for the sensual. Tonight I think I’m in the mood to discipline.

Who is Gloria Brame and why does it matter?

Forgive me for getting on my soapbox, and I promise not to make this a habit, but two people have sent me the link to Gloria Brame’s article “Who is Elise Sutton and why does it matter?” My initial answer to this was ‘Who is Gloria Brame?’ I wasn’t trying to be a smart aleck. I had no idea who Gloria Brame was. I looked her up and learned that she is the co-author of the popular BDSM book “Different Loving”.

I find it interesting that Gloria Brame took some subtle shots at Elise about her site appealing to male fantasies when the cover of Ms. Brame’s “Different Loving” features thigh-high leather boots and a bullwhip. I guess she wasn’t pandering to male fantasies to increase sales. And she had the audacity to take a jab at Elise for selling books on her site. Imagine that. What is Gloria selling on her site? Looks like books to me.

Capitalism is alive and well in the worlds of BDSM and FemDom. Some might even say that 90% of FemDom these days is a commercial enterprise, be it professional Dommes, paid websites, videos, books, etc. Not that I can talk. I didn’t do phone calls or live sessions for free. Why would I? Seems to me Elise and Gloria are more similar than they are different.

I agree with some of the premise of Gloria Brame’s article. Why does it matter? Only a darn fool would blindly follow an anonymous person that writes articles and blogs on the internet. I never blindly followed anyone, including Elise. I learned a lot from her but we disagree on many issues.

And that brings me to one of my pet peeves and it has to do with the BDSM community. Just because Elise or Kathleen or whomever is not active in the BDSM community, that does not mean we are any less knowledgeable about D/s or FemDom. According to Elise, she was active in the BDSM community back in the late 80’s and early 90’s under a different scene name but she had her reasons for becoming publically anonymous. The internet provided her the perfect opportunity to share all that she had learned without being ‘out there’. You have people in the BDSM community who will trash anyone that writes a blog or has a website unless they are active members in a BDSM group. I say Hogwash.

I’ve only been to one BDSM event in my life and I was a wallflower. They didn’t know I existed. So if they don’t know me because I refuse to join the BDSM community, does that make me any less real? Are my experiences any less genuine? Is my opinion of any less value?

Some might say it comes down to who is the most educated. I confess that while I have multiple degrees none of mine are in Psychology or Sociology (Elise has degrees in both). But does knowledge about D/s boil down to a person’s educational credentials? Really, are we going to go there? Have you ever been to a BDSM event, the kind where Gloria Brame gives lectures? Do I really care what college degrees the person giving the lecture has when the subject is ‘How to take a piss on your partner’. I don’t think you need a Ph. D. to give that lecture.

In my opinion, Elise and Gloria are just two women trying to sell books and share their personal knowledge about an alternative sex life. Some like Elise’s approach, some like Gloria’s approach. More power to them. Maybe I’ll write a book and then Gloria Brame can say “Who is Ms Kathleen and why does it matter?” In the big picture, it doesn’t matter. It’s not worth a hill of beans. So why am I involved in the Femdom lifestyle?  To quote the Rolling Stones, “It’s only Rock ‘n Roll … but I like it”.

Embarrassing my hubby

My weekend did not go quite as planned due to the unexpected snow storm. I was unable to attend the Halloween Fetish party in DC but I did hit a few local bars Saturday night with a girlfriend. My costume? A Dominatrix of course. It’s the one day of the year when a woman can dress as a Dominatrix in a conservative town. And the beauty of it is my going out in public around here dressed in leather makes James very, very uncomfortable because he is afraid people that know us will discover our little secret.

That reminds me of a great story. It was early last decade, 2002, 2003 maybe, and I was really getting into the lifestyle. I was so into it that one day I decided to publically humiliate my husband. I would never openly humiliate him in front of his family or friends but I had this wild idea of playing on his fears of us being outed here in this conservative community.

James was at work and I called him and told him I needed to switch cars with him. He was working at his desk that day so I told him to expect me around 2:00 and I would come to his desk and exchange car keys. I decided to dress head to toe in leather. I wore leather pants, ankle boots, and a leather jacket which I zipped up. I was black leather from neck to spiked heel boots. I even wore leather gloves.

I waltzed into his office and you should have seen his face. He turned soooo red. I think he was afraid that I was going to order him to drop to his knees and grovel before me in front of his co-workers. I didn’t but I swear his hands were shaking as he handed me his keys. I then slowly strolled out of his office, getting lots of admiring stares from the men he works with and some judgmental looks from the older women. I didn’t care. James was extremely embarrassed and I loved it.

When he got home, I asked him if any of his co-workers said anything to him. He said one of the younger women came up to him and remarked on how good his wife looked. Oh, and she also asked him if I drove a motorcycle. I guess she figured if I was wearing all that leather I must be a biker babe. I bet his face turned two shades of red when she asked him about the motorcycle. I’m just sorry I didn’t stay around longer to see it for myself.

And to top it off, I stopped at the local market on my way home to fetch a few items and I ran into his aunt. We talked and she looked at me as if I had two heads. She’s always liked me and thought me to be such a sweet girl and a wonderful spouse for her nephew. However, seeing me in all that leather obviously was perplexing to her but she didn’t say a word to me. When I conveyed this to James, he about had the big one. He was scared that his aunt would call his father or tell members of his immediate family about seeing sweet Kathleen wearing all that wicked leather in public. As far as we know, she didn’t say a thing, or if she did it never got back to us. Anywho I sure did play on my husband’s insecurities that day and I teased him about it for weeks.

Getting back to Saturday night, I went out with my friend in my black leather carrying one of my riding crops while James stayed home, in chastity, worrying about what his wild and crazy wife might do. We went bar hopping and I got lots of nice comments about my costume but nothing happened. I danced with one guy at this one bar but overall I was on my best behavior. It wasn’t nearly as fun as it would have been had I gone to the DC party but I had a good time nonetheless. I hope to talk with Ginger later this week to find out how her night went at the Fetish party.

Invite to a Halloween Party

People are starting to find my blog. In the past week I’ve received e-mails from two former phone clients and I’ve been contacted by a woman who used to attend my ClubFEM group. I’ll refer to her as Ginger because she is tall and slender with red hair and she always reminded me a little bit of Tina Louise who played Ginger on “Gilligan’s Island”. She e-mailed me and we talked briefly on the phone. I remember how uncertain she was when she came to her first ClubFEM social with her husband. But my how she’s grown in the lifestyle.

She’s invited me to a fetish themed Halloween party next Saturday night that some friends of hers are throwing in the DC area. Her invite couldn’t have come at a better time. I was planning to attend a Halloween party with Chase but we went out this past Saturday night and we’ve mutually decided to take a break from each other. My relationship with Chase has been an off again, on again friendship for many years. It was exciting seeing him again but I’m ready to move on to other experiences, hopefully with new people.

I asked Ginger if I could bring James to the party. She’s undecided about whether she is going to bring her husband or not. She’ll let me know this week and I’ll follow her lead. Now I’ll have to decide what costume to wear but the great thing about a fetish themed party is I have plenty of leather. I can probably construct a sexy outfit from what I already own. I have leather boots, a leather corset, leather gloves, leather pants, and a leather trench coat.

I also have masks from the Dominatrix type to the Phantom of the Opera masquerade party type.

If Ginger and I decide to attend without our husbands, James will have to remain at home, and I’m sure I will require that he be locked in chastity. But if we bring our husbands, I could feminize him and make him accompany me as my sissy maid. He would hate that. I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

Yet another D/s session

I had another D/s session with James last night. Lately, I’ve really been in the mood to dominate him and play with him. My sex drive has been on high and it is finding its expression in dominating my husband. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been seeing much of Chase these days. I cooled a little on him and we took a break from seeing each other. However, he’s taking me out tomorrow night so we’ll see how it goes.

Last night I was in the mood to play with my husband. He had a long day at work and he was tired. In fact, after he made dinner and cleaned the dishes, I allowed him to veg on the couch while I showered. He fell asleep and it would have been easy for me to just blow off our session but I was really in the mood. I went through my toy chest and my closet and chose an outfit that consisted of a leather bra, my leather shorts and my leather thigh high boots. I had trouble getting my shorts zipped up in the back so I woke James and had him assist me. I told him to give me five minutes and then meet me in my bedroom.

We began the session as I had him strip naked and kneel in the middle of the room. I teased him a little by rubbing my flogger over his body. I then very gently stepped on the back of his calves with my boots which caused him to lunge forward from the pain of my sharp heels. I scolded him for not being as flexible as he used to be as his hamstrings were very tight. I told him he needed to work out more and do stretching exercises.

Next I ordered him to worship me by licking the leather on my shorts, front and back. His tongue made its way to the crack of my ass and he licked the leather up and down which was very pleasurable for me. I then sat on the edge of the bed and had him lick the front of my shorts. He paid particular attention to my crotch area, which I encouraged.

However, I was disappointed when I noticed that he wasn’t completely hard. He was semi-hard to soft and when I questioned him why licking my leather shorts was not turning him on, he begged forgiveness and promised me he was very excited but perhaps because he had just gotten up from a nap, and was still tired, it was preventing him from getting a full erection. I listened to his lame excuse and then I scolded him about how I’ve noticed as he gets older he seems to have more and more of these semi-hard to soft erections. I also reminded him that is why he is a cuckold and why I like to date younger and more sexually potent men.

James wanted to lick my boots, I could tell, but I decided to deny him this and instead I told him he could hump my boots, like a dog, to see if he could get hard for me. James snapped right to it and it worked. I played with his nipples while he humped his cock against my leather boot and he became fully erect. I humiliated him by telling him how pathetic it was that he could only “get it up” this way.

By this time I was getting aroused and I was in the mood to whip him. I ordered him to get some towels out of the linen closet and place them on the bed. When I told him I was in the mood to whip him, James asked me if I could first give him an over my lap spanking. This is where communication in a session is so important. I wanted to whip him but in his submissive nature, something was triggered, perhaps from his humiliation of having to hump my boots to get an erection, but regardless he wanted to feel the more maternal discipline of an over the lap spanking.

I wanted to further explore this avenue so I went and fetched a hairbrush and my Spencer paddle from my toy chest and ordered my hubby across my lap. I warmed his ass up with my bare hands, administering maybe two dozen slaps on his buttocks. I also groped him and felt him up real good. I have always found my husband’s ass to be cute and very inviting when it comes to spanking. I love to slap, squeeze and fondle his butt.

After I enjoyed myself groping and spanking his ass with my bare hands, it was time for some serious discipline. I started with the hairbrush. I administered probably two or three dozen smacks with the hairbrush against his buttocks. They were turning a pretty shade of red right before my eyes. His cock started out rock hard when I was spanking him with my hands but I could feel it getting soft when I began to smack him hard with the hairbrush.

I then picked up the Spencer and told him to brace himself because I was going to give him ten hard whacks with the paddle. He jumped and jerked his body with each blow from my paddle. He was barely able to stay on my lap and I had to keep a firm hold of him else he would have rolled off my lap and onto the floor. By the time I was finished, he didn’t have tears in his eyes but I could tell he was close.

James went to his knees and kissed my boots and he started to lick them. I stopped him and ordered him to lay across the bed because I was still in the mood to whip him. I took it easy on him by using my soft flogger. I didn’t want to hurt hum but I was in the mood to hit him hard. I wanted to reach back and put my weight into each blow. I wanted to relieve some of my pent up dominant aggression and I knew there was no way he would have been able to handle one of my more severe whips. Therefore I used a soft flogger.

James was sprawled out on my bed and I whipped his back and his ass with the flogger. I really got into it and I was getting very, very wet. The flogger might have been soft but it still carried enough of a punch that James flinched with almost every blow. That only added to my excitement. I bet I gave him over 50 slashes from the flogger.

The flogger made his skin red but it didn’t leave any marks. However, he wasn’t going to get off completely easy. I got my riding crop and gave him ten hard cracks against each butt cheek. He let out a nice scream at about number five and by the time I got to number ten, he was very contrite. Contrite about what, you ask? Anything and everything!

I was primed by now. I took off my shorts and my boots and I took his place on the bed and I commanded him to orally pleasure me with his tongue. Wow, it didn’t take me long. I like to hold back as long as possible but I couldn’t hold back. I climaxed in a matter of seconds. James kept licking me trying to bring me to another orgasm but for some reason after my first orgasm, I became very sensitive down there so I had to push him away.

I was going to allow James an orgasm so I asked him how he wanted it, did he want to masturbate or did he want me to rub my breasts on his cock. Usually when I offer my breasts, he jumps on the chance but this time he actually made the request if he could hump my boots again. “Why not?” I thought.  

I pulled my boots back on and I crossed my right leg over the left one and ordered my hubby to hump it. He started out by getting very hard again and he was really getting into it. He went at it for at least five minutes and then I gave him the command  “do it, James, do it NOW!” but he couldn’t. I even twisted his nipples and gave him the verbal command again. He tried, I could tell he really was, and he was ever so close, but he couldn’t do it. I finally counted to twenty, telling him if he didn’t do it by the time I reached twenty, he would not only be denied an orgasm tonight but he would be denied one for at least another two weeks.

My poor hubby failed. I have no idea why as that’s not like him. Oh well, his loss. We lay down together and cuddled on the bed. I was totally fulfilled on every level, sexually satisfied and fulfilled as a dominant woman. And I was happy to hear him say that although he couldn’t cum, he felt emotionally fulfilled. James told me he felt loved and that’s really all that matters.

Last night's D/s session

I’ve been wanting to have a D/s session with James but it seems the nights have been getting away from us and we’re too tired after dinner. So last night I decided to be ready as soon as he got home from work. I called him earlier in the day and told him to come right home.  I arrived home first so I showered and dried my hair. Then I went through my toy chest to select an outfit and the implements of discipline I wanted to use on my hubby.

I put on my leather corset, leather gloves, and thigh high leather boots. James arrived and I met him in the hallway wearing my leather outfit.

But that’s not all. I was not wearing any panties and in my hands I was holding an enema bag and the attaching tube. James froze as I ordered him to strip naked and had him follow me into the bedroom. I had covered my mattress with an old blanket and towels and I laid out a series of whips and paddles that I planned to utilize. 

I ordered him to kneel in the middle of the floor as I fastened a leather dog collar around his neck. I went into the bathroom and filled the enema bag with warm water and clasped shut the tubing. I took the hook on the bag and fastened it to the inactive ceiling fan above my bed.  I then ordered James to worship me beginning with my corset. I whispered for him to smell and taste the leather and James obliged by giving the corset a deep tongue bath. He licked every inch of it from top to bottom, front and back.

Next, I ordered James to lick my boots. I was still standing but as he began, I decided to sit on the edge of the bed and raise one boot up at a time to allow him easy access. James licked the boot beginning with the point of the toe, licking around the sides, stopping to suck the heel, and finally working his way up to my thighs. After he was finished with my left boot, I lowered it and raised up the right one. James repeated his ritual of adoration on that boot as I watched with approval.

I then told James that I was in the mood to hurt him. I ordered him to lay face down on the bed. I began to whip his ass, first with my flogger. It is very soft and I used it for a warm-up.  Then I went to one of the first whips James had ever bought for me. He got it at Dream Dresser in DC back in the late 90’s and it has a leather handle with a dozen thin strands of rubber. I began to whip James and he jumped as the rubber strands bit into the sensitive flesh of his ass cheeks. I loved it when he tensed up from the pain as he grasped the mattress with his hands.

I knew he needed a little reprieve after I had dished out a few dozen strokes from the rubber whip so I picked up a fur mitten that is nice and soft. I began to lightly run the fur over his ass to soothe it a little. James began to relax but then when he least expected it, I grabbed a wooden paddle and gave him five hard whacks. James jumped and let out a scream. It was precious. 

Finally, I ended his whipping by dishing out a dozen hard smacks from my short riding crop. I made sure the final six strokes were something he’d remember for days to come. I’m sure the welts will stay on his ass at least for a couple of days.

Now it was time for his enema. I wasn’t originally planning on giving him an enema but when I was fumbling through my toy chest, I came across the black pumpkin enema bag and attached the metal butt-plug shaped nozzle. Seeing the enema bag brought back some wonderful memories of D/s sessions from our earlier years in the lifestyle. That’s why I decided to hold the enema bag in my hands when I greeted him in the hallway. I was saying to him “Remember this?”

James has a love, hate relationship with enemas. The reasons are private and have to do with childhood experiences. Giving James an enema makes me want to engage in age play. There is so much that can be done with an enema age play scenario. I can be the naughty nurse, the punitive Aunt, the nurturing Mommy, the dominant Governess, or some other female authority figure. How I decided to play this one must remain private between my husband and I, but I will say it had deep meaning for him and took him to a vulnerable state of being.

I put on a latex glove and lubricated his anus in a very sensual way. Then I slowly inserted the butt-plug shaped nozzle. Once it was secure, I undid the clasp which allowed the water to slowly flow inside of him. I told James to let me know when he felt full of the water. Once he expressed to me that he didn’t think he could take anymore, I clasped the tube shut and I had him carefully roll over on his back, with the nozzle still inside of him.

I then pulled my breasts out of the corset and climbed on top of my vulnerable hubby. I took his hands and placed them on me. I told him that he would have to bring me to two orgasms before I would allow him to relieve himself of the enema water. James was semi-erect, a little soft from the discomfort of the enema but still very excited from the sensuality of my naked pussy sitting on his stomach while he was fondling my naked breasts. I was getting very turned on so I inched my way up until I was sitting on his face. I directed him to lick me. As I placed my hand behind me for balance, I brushed against his penis which was now rock hard.

James began to lick me with passion and fortunately for him, I came very quickly. But that was just the first orgasm. I wanted more. He continued to eat my pussy and I took my right hand and reached behind me and pushed on his stomach which made my poor hubby very uncomfortable. Of course we were still in character so we addressed each other by our role-playing personas. This just made us all the more excited and I came for a second and then a third time as he continued to tongue me.

My goal was to give him an orgasm by rubbing my breasts against his cock while he still had the enema water trapped inside (I even contemplated releasing what remained in the bag into him while I did this) but James begged me for mercy. Once I had climbed off his face and he was no longer lost in my pussy, reality set in and he was consumed by his discomfort. Therefore, I permitted him to make the necessary trip to the bathroom. He grabbed the towel that was underneath him and held it firmly in place against his bottom, the nozzle still inside his anus, as I unhooked the bag from the ceiling fan. James then made the mad dash for the bathroom.

I was so relaxed from my many orgasms that I brushed all the toys off the bed and climbed under the covers. James was in the bathroom for a long time (he had to clean himself up as well as the enema equipment) and by the time he re- joined me in bed, I had already fallen asleep. Too bad. No orgasm for James.

When I awoke from my nap, James had prepared a late dinner for me. It was a truly wonderful night.