Possessing all of his coins

I’ve been enjoying exploring hubby’s masochism this past year, what with the confinement room, kali’s teeth, the spiked mats, strappado, more chastity and denial and more humiliation. I love it when hubby is willing to endure discomfort in order for me to endure pleasure. After all, that’s really the goal with all of this, be it cuckolding, spankings, discipline or S&M. Hubby gains satisfaction and fulfillment as a submissive man by sacrificing his sexual pleasure so I can have more sexual pleasure. And in that way, we both gain more emotional and mental pleasure in the process.

One of my mentors once explained it to me this way. She said to picture sexual pleasure as a bag of gold coins. In the vanilla sex world, you exchange gold coins with each other and both sexual partners pretty much end up with the same amount after the exchange. Sometimes it might be more pleasurable for one partner than the other, but even if one partner ends up with more coins one time, the discrepancy will probably balance out the next time they engage in sex.

But with femdom, the goal is for the woman to get her submissive partner to surrender his coins over to her without her giving him any of her coins. Thus she ends up with more and more coins with the ultimate goal that she will possess all the coins.

I never understood this analogy until this past year. I always viewed femdom as no different than vanilla sex when it came to pleasure. My hubby had unusual sexual needs but I was doing a lot of this for him. If he needed to be spanked or whipped or cuckolded, and if in the process I also gained pleasure, than in my mind it was an equal exchange. Even when he came to me last year and asked me to treat him more ‘cruelly’, I still viewed that as something he needed and something I was willing to explore with him.

These past few months I’ve had a revelation about the coin analogy. It really started around our anniversary in early October when I chose to spend it by going on a mini-vacation with another man. I always was focused on my husband and I was always concerned if his needs were being met by what we were doing. But for the first time I had the revelation of what my hubby really wanted. He wanted me to be selfish for my pleasure, even at the sacrifice of his pleasure. That is what drives his masochism. That is what satisfies his submission. And once I began focusing more and more on my pleasure, my pleasure became better and better. I started to possess more coins and hubby is more at peace with his world when I possess his coins.

And it doesn’t have to be advanced stuff like riding the horse or strappado. Take last night. I needed a massage so I had hubby prepare the massage table. Usually he gives me a full body massage followed by him going down on me (this pleasure combination is still my favorite femdom activity). But I added something extra to the mix last night. I put him in his kali’s teeth device to prevent him from growing an erection as he was massaging and worshipping my body. A number of times he winced in pain as he was giving me the massage, as he forgot he was wearing the device and started to grow an erection. The spiked device squashed his sexual pleasure thus hubby surrendered more coins to me as I was being pleasured.

He orally pleasured me after my massage and I retired to bed sexually satisfied. I gave him permission to remove the kali’s teeth and install his CB6000. He went to bed denied with no sexual pleasure. However, we both were mentally and emotionally fulfilled. Hubby went to bed a very happy man. So I am not really a cruel wife. I may be sexually cruel towards him but in the process I am giving him what he wants and needs. Therefore the reality is I am a very loving wife.

I don’t feel I am anywhere close to possessing all of his coins, and I have yet to have the full revelation of what the really means or how we get there, but at least I now know the direction we are headed and our course has been firmly set as we continue on our femdom journey together.