Sunday, July 29, 2012

Is my hubby a masochist?

I went away this weekend to visit Thomas. Building on the July 4th weekend, I wanted to include James as much as possible in this arrangement. I had him apply my tanning lotion and moisturizer cream to my skin all week long. James seemed to really bask in the humiliation of having to prepare his wife for her new lover. I also had him pack my overnight bag for my trip which included new lingerie I had purchased.

I left Friday morning so we had our discipline session Thursday night. I was not in the mood for a marathon session so I planned to keep it brief with an OTK spanking. It was during this spanking that I informed James of the chores I wanted completed before I came home Sunday afternoon. I also reminded James that he would of course remain in chastity while I’m gone and hewould wear a pair of my panties as he did his chores. And I reminded him how excited I was to be seeing Thomas again.

The spanking was moderate at best and rather brief. After I warmed his bottom with my hairbrush and went over my little list, I dismissed him. However, James knelt before me and began kissing my thighs. I could tell he wanted to go down on me and worship me but I wanted to save my orgasms for Friday night when I would be with Thomas. Had this been Tuesday or even Wednesday night, I probably would have allowed James to orally pleasure me but I was saving myself for my new lover.

I ran my fingers through his hair as my hubby continued to kiss my thighs and I told him how much I loved him and appreciated him. I could sense James wanted to tell me something but was holding back. I ordered him to share with me what was on his mind. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed with me and he told me that he felt we needed to take things up a notch. I asked him what he meant and he explained that now that he knows there is no turning back from our current arrangement, he can’t remain in what he called ‘ this straddling the fence area between husband and slave’. He said he wants to submit to me but he struggles with my relationship with Thomas yet he doesn’t want to deny me the pleasure I deserve.  

I appreciated his candor and I asked him if he had any suggestions that could make this easier for him. James told me he wants me to take him deeper into submission. He said he wants me to be crueler towards him. He wants me to whip him more frequently and more severly. And he asked my permission if he could build a confinement room in our basement, a place where I could place him in bondage and lock him up when Thomas comes to visit me. He suggested that instead of him listening to us through open doors, he would like to install an intercom system so when he is in the confinement room he would be forced to listen to me having sex with Thomas (and any other future lovers).

This is classic masochism and I am not sure how to handle this. Perhaps this is only a fantasy stage he is going through and once he experiences these things he will want to go back to how our relationship is today. I want to focus on the fundamentals of a successful femdom marriage but what James is asking is rather hardcore.

I am a dominant woman but I do not think I am capable of being cruel, maybe slightly sadistic within D&S play but that is on rare occasions when the energy and chemistry is there. My mild sadism is more fantasy exploration than lifestyle. At heart, I am a very compassionate woman and I do deeply love my husband. I will not allow myself to be manipulated the way Leopold von Sacher-Masoch manipulated his wife to treat him cruelly (read the books 'Searching for Wanda' and 'Confessions of Wanda von Sacher-Masoch' for details). That is not a healthy Femdom marriage.

However, if this is what my husband needs to help him to embrace where we are at in our growth as a femdom couple, I would be selfish to deny him at least the exploration of this. I don’t think my hubby is a masochist and I believe he will grow tired of being treated like one in short order. But I’ve decided to grant him permission to build his little prison in the basement. We have a small storage room with no windows that he wants to convert into his confinement room. His inspiration for this is a series he read in ‘Predominant’ where a femdom couple, Ashley and Jack, had built a rubber room/deprivation chamber in their basement. Jack used rubber interlocking mats, the kind health clubs and gyms use for their floors, to encase the floor, walls and ceiling of his little prison. James intends to do the same thing in our basement.

So I gave him my blessing and he has gotten started on it this weekend. I gave him permission to scale back my list of chores because I knew he was chomping at the bit to do this and he is highly motivated. So far he has cleaned out the room and has begun putting up plywood against the cement walls. Tomorrow he is going to head to the local Sporting-Goods store to get those rubber interconnecting mats. He said he called up there yesterday and they have them in stock. So we shall see where this takes us. 

As far as my weekend goes, I had a wonderful time with Thomas. I plan on having a D&S session with James tonight to fill him in on the erotic details. I think I will most definitely wield the strap-on but not the whip. I want this session to be more of a mind-fuck with lots of teasing and denial. That is still my favorite way to dominate my hubby. Can I be cruel? I can be strict and I can be harsh and I most certainly can be selfish. But can I be cruel? We shall see.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

The four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage

I am so behind on my reading. I just now, here in July, got around to reading this first issue of Predominant 2012 and the excellent interview with Monica. She talked about the four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage and in a lot of ways it was like reading about my own marriage (with the exception that Monica is totally monogamous to her husband and does not incorporate cuckolding as that is not one of the four cornerstones).

Here is a portion of Monica’s interview:
I sat down and established four cornerstones to a successful Femdom relationship. I referred to them as the 4 D’s: Discipline, Domestication, Denial and Domination. And as I shared these with others, I realized you could also bring it down to 4 actual D&S tools. I referred to them as the 4 P’s: The Paddle, the Panties, the Padlock and the Phallus.
1) Discipline (The Paddle):

A weekly discipline session between a dominant wife and her submissive husband is vital. It doesn’t have to be fancy with leather outfits and whips and bondage and all of that. It could be that from time to time in order to add some extra spice and variety but let’s keep with the fundamentals for now. Let’s keep to the paddle (or the hairbrush if you prefer). A weekly session where the woman has her hubby across her lap (or across her bed) and she disciplines him based on his weekly performance in serving her will do miracles in a marriage. If he’s been an obedient hubby, the discipline serves to remind him of his place and to keep him focused. If he has been a disobedient hubby, the discipline will be firmer in order to teach him and train him to do a better job. A weekly spanking will invade his mind, stir his submission and do wonders for a Femdom relationship. Not to mention that it will also build a strong bond of intimacy between the wife and her subby hubby.

2) Domestication (The Panties): 

One area that needs to be addressed during the weekly discipline session is hubby’s performance in doing his assigned chores each week. And let’s be perfectly frank here. In a successful Femdom marriage, the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework. I don’t care how much he works or what a great financial provider he is, that does not excuse him from being domesticated. A domesticated hubby is an obedient hubby. If you allow him to skirt his domestic responsibilities, you are opening the door for trouble in other areas. And the best tool to remind him of his domesticated role is to require him to wear panties. He doesn’t have to be a cross-dresser and the panties don’t have to be a part of forced feminization. And the wife doesn’t have to transform her hubby into a sissy. But there are powerful psychological, sociological and sexual reasons why a submissive hubby should be doing housework while he is wearing a pair of panties (preferably a pair of his wife’s panties). The panties will remind him of his submissive status as well as provide him motivation (and probably sexual excitement which will assist with the motivation.)

3) Denial (The Padlock): 

The panties are a psychological tool for training a man but an even greater tool at the woman’s disposal is the practice of keeping her man sexually denied. It’s been said that a denied male is an obedient male. I would add that an aroused male is also a motivated male. A sexually satisfied male is more likely to be a lazy and complacent male. And not only is the denial process essential in keeping a man obedient outside the bedroom, it can be vital in training a man to be a great lover.

The denial process will teach your hubby to focus his sexual energy on pleasuring the woman (especially orally). Only after the woman has been sexually satisfied will she decide whether or not her hubby is to receive any sexual relief. How often a man is allowed sexual relief will be up to the woman as she weighs his performance, his attitude and his level of servitude. This gives the woman sexual power over her man and most men love to be under the control of a woman’s sexual power. 

Denial is often accomplished with the use of a male chastity device (thus the padlock). It doesn’t have to be but if the honor system is not working, a chastity device can be an invaluable tool. And should your hubby become a bit rebellious about wearing such a device, there are devices today that incorporate additional training aides such as spiked rings to prevent erections or electric shock rings that can give off pulses of correction via a remote control (much like a shock collar used to train animals). But with keeping to the fundamentals, a basic chastity device (like the CB2000, 3000, or 6000) should do in the beginning.

4) Domination (The Phallus):

The fundamentals can be both old school and new school. Physical domination via the paddle is old school yet still very effective. Sexual domination via the strap-on harness is new school and just as effective (if not more so). If a woman wants to get inside of her man’s head and train him via sexuality, there is not a better aide than the strap-on. The man who submits to the strap-on is a man who will submit to the woman who is wielding the phallus attached to the strap-on. The strap-on is a powerful tool as it cuts to the chase; psychologically, sociologically and sexually. It lets the husband know that his wife is the boss. Much like the paddle, the strap-on should be a regular part of any FemDom regiment. And much like the paddle, the strap-on will also build intimacy.

I keep it as simple as possible and it becomes habit and second nature for me. First, once a week, preferably on Friday night, I discipline my husband with an OTK (over the knee) spanking. I might dress up in a leather outfit but more times than not I’ll keep it simple and wear lingerie or something that makes me feel dominant or sexy.  

I will spank him as I grade his weekly performance. Did he do all of his chores? Did he put lots of thought and creativity in preparing my dinners? Was his attitude humble and obedient toward me? I also go over with him what I expect out of him in the week to come. Our weekly discipline session will often lead to sex. If I get excited, I will have him worship my body and orally pleasure me.  

Secondly, my husband gets home before I do each day so before I leave for work, I lay out a pair of panties on my bed. When he gets home, he knows he is to put them on and get to his chores, which includes preparing my dinner. My hubby is always pantied around the house.  

Thirdly, my hubby is in chastity all of the time. We did the CB2000 but have evolved. He now wears a Carrara belt. It is big and bulky and expensive but it is the best we found at making sure he is safe and secure and 100% unable to touch himself in any way.  

Finally, I use the strap-on, usually on our discipline night, every other week. So when you boil it down, we usually only have a D&S session once a week and rarely more than that. Every Friday night (or Saturday if we have plans on Friday) I discipline him and at the same time I grade his weekly performance and depending on the week and my mood, I will take him with the strap-on. These nights almost always lead to sex and sex is about the woman’s pleasure so I get pleasured and most times he stays denied. The other six nights we function in our D&S roles but I don’t have to dominate him because he is focused, so we can interact just like any other couple and we have the intellectual companionship and the friendship to make for a healthy marriage. It takes a little work but not as much as you’d think as long as I stay committed to that weekly discipline session."

Bravo, Monica. This is excellent advice and it reaffirms to me that I am on the right track with what I am doing in my marriage. I need to fine tune a few things and get back to some basics that I have allowed to slip but overall I am utilizing these four cornerstones with wonderful results.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

A beautiful holiday and a new arrangement

I know some of you have been anxiously awaiting the details of the 4th and my male houseguest. It went very, very well. First off I must compliment my hubby. He was wonderful. He not only interacted with Thomas and treated him respectfully but he went above and beyond my expectations. It had to be difficult on him, being in chastity and watching another man romancing his wife and listening to that man making love to her each night in a bed he (my hubby) beautifully prepared for us.

I wasn’t sure how Thomas was going to react to the situation. He was a little timid and standoffish at first, wondering if James was going to punch his lights out at any minute, but I initiated the flirting and encouraged Thomas to be true to his desires. We went on a picnic, just Thomas and I, on the 4th while James stayed home and continued cleaning up the yard from the after-effects of that horrible thunderstorm we endured on Friday, June 29. We had a couple of downed trees in the yard and James had to cut them up with a chainsaw and haul them away. He worked in some of the hottest weather of the year. I allowed him to take off the CB6000 as he did this most strenuous work but once he was done, he re-installed his chastity device and was in it when Thomas and I returned. We all watched the fireworks together and James and Thomas talked with each other as if they were best of friends. I must admit that surprised me.
Thomas eventually got over his inhibitions and was all over me when we went to bed. He shut the bedroom door but I insisted he keep it open. I know he thought I was crazy for letting my hubby hear every noise that emerged from my bedroom but he caught on pretty fast to what I was doing. James never interfered and he didn’t lurk around to watch. He kept his distance and gave us our privacy but he also had to endure listening to Thomas making love to his wife while he was locked up in his chastity device.
My favorite memory from the weekend was Friday night when we all went out to dinner together. Thomas invited James to come along and to my surprise, he accepted. We got a booth and I sat next to Thomas and flirted with him throughout dinner, right in front of my husband. I could tell James was humiliated, which not only turned me on, but I think it also turned Thomas on because when we got home, Thomas undressed me in the living room, right in front of James, and took me by the hand and led me to my bedroom where he made mad, passionate love to me, with the door open. James could have watched if he wanted, the opportunity was there, but he chose to retire to his room and listen to us instead.
Thomas and I took a day trip on Saturday and he left that evening. He wasn’t gone ten minutes before James came to me and began to worship me by kissing my feet and worked his way up my legs and to my crotch. I did not rebuff his adoration and I allowed him to perform body worship on me. James’ affection proved to me how horny he was from being so openly cuckolded by me.
I told James that I am very attracted to Thomas and he is my boyfriend and lover and will remain so for the foreseeable future. Thomas will be coming back to see me again very soon and I plan on going to visit him at the end of July.