Saturday, July 21, 2012

The four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage

I am so behind on my reading. I just now, here in July, got around to reading this first issue of Predominant 2012 and the excellent interview with Monica. She talked about the four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage and in a lot of ways it was like reading about my own marriage (with the exception that Monica is totally monogamous to her husband and does not incorporate cuckolding as that is not one of the four cornerstones).

Here is a portion of Monica’s interview:
I sat down and established four cornerstones to a successful Femdom relationship. I referred to them as the 4 D’s: Discipline, Domestication, Denial and Domination. And as I shared these with others, I realized you could also bring it down to 4 actual D&S tools. I referred to them as the 4 P’s: The Paddle, the Panties, the Padlock and the Phallus.
1) Discipline (The Paddle):

A weekly discipline session between a dominant wife and her submissive husband is vital. It doesn’t have to be fancy with leather outfits and whips and bondage and all of that. It could be that from time to time in order to add some extra spice and variety but let’s keep with the fundamentals for now. Let’s keep to the paddle (or the hairbrush if you prefer). A weekly session where the woman has her hubby across her lap (or across her bed) and she disciplines him based on his weekly performance in serving her will do miracles in a marriage. If he’s been an obedient hubby, the discipline serves to remind him of his place and to keep him focused. If he has been a disobedient hubby, the discipline will be firmer in order to teach him and train him to do a better job. A weekly spanking will invade his mind, stir his submission and do wonders for a Femdom relationship. Not to mention that it will also build a strong bond of intimacy between the wife and her subby hubby.

2) Domestication (The Panties): 

One area that needs to be addressed during the weekly discipline session is hubby’s performance in doing his assigned chores each week. And let’s be perfectly frank here. In a successful Femdom marriage, the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework. I don’t care how much he works or what a great financial provider he is, that does not excuse him from being domesticated. A domesticated hubby is an obedient hubby. If you allow him to skirt his domestic responsibilities, you are opening the door for trouble in other areas. And the best tool to remind him of his domesticated role is to require him to wear panties. He doesn’t have to be a cross-dresser and the panties don’t have to be a part of forced feminization. And the wife doesn’t have to transform her hubby into a sissy. But there are powerful psychological, sociological and sexual reasons why a submissive hubby should be doing housework while he is wearing a pair of panties (preferably a pair of his wife’s panties). The panties will remind him of his submissive status as well as provide him motivation (and probably sexual excitement which will assist with the motivation.)

3) Denial (The Padlock): 

The panties are a psychological tool for training a man but an even greater tool at the woman’s disposal is the practice of keeping her man sexually denied. It’s been said that a denied male is an obedient male. I would add that an aroused male is also a motivated male. A sexually satisfied male is more likely to be a lazy and complacent male. And not only is the denial process essential in keeping a man obedient outside the bedroom, it can be vital in training a man to be a great lover.

The denial process will teach your hubby to focus his sexual energy on pleasuring the woman (especially orally). Only after the woman has been sexually satisfied will she decide whether or not her hubby is to receive any sexual relief. How often a man is allowed sexual relief will be up to the woman as she weighs his performance, his attitude and his level of servitude. This gives the woman sexual power over her man and most men love to be under the control of a woman’s sexual power. 

Denial is often accomplished with the use of a male chastity device (thus the padlock). It doesn’t have to be but if the honor system is not working, a chastity device can be an invaluable tool. And should your hubby become a bit rebellious about wearing such a device, there are devices today that incorporate additional training aides such as spiked rings to prevent erections or electric shock rings that can give off pulses of correction via a remote control (much like a shock collar used to train animals). But with keeping to the fundamentals, a basic chastity device (like the CB2000, 3000, or 6000) should do in the beginning.

4) Domination (The Phallus):

The fundamentals can be both old school and new school. Physical domination via the paddle is old school yet still very effective. Sexual domination via the strap-on harness is new school and just as effective (if not more so). If a woman wants to get inside of her man’s head and train him via sexuality, there is not a better aide than the strap-on. The man who submits to the strap-on is a man who will submit to the woman who is wielding the phallus attached to the strap-on. The strap-on is a powerful tool as it cuts to the chase; psychologically, sociologically and sexually. It lets the husband know that his wife is the boss. Much like the paddle, the strap-on should be a regular part of any FemDom regiment. And much like the paddle, the strap-on will also build intimacy.

I keep it as simple as possible and it becomes habit and second nature for me. First, once a week, preferably on Friday night, I discipline my husband with an OTK (over the knee) spanking. I might dress up in a leather outfit but more times than not I’ll keep it simple and wear lingerie or something that makes me feel dominant or sexy.  

I will spank him as I grade his weekly performance. Did he do all of his chores? Did he put lots of thought and creativity in preparing my dinners? Was his attitude humble and obedient toward me? I also go over with him what I expect out of him in the week to come. Our weekly discipline session will often lead to sex. If I get excited, I will have him worship my body and orally pleasure me.  

Secondly, my husband gets home before I do each day so before I leave for work, I lay out a pair of panties on my bed. When he gets home, he knows he is to put them on and get to his chores, which includes preparing my dinner. My hubby is always pantied around the house.  

Thirdly, my hubby is in chastity all of the time. We did the CB2000 but have evolved. He now wears a Carrara belt. It is big and bulky and expensive but it is the best we found at making sure he is safe and secure and 100% unable to touch himself in any way.  

Finally, I use the strap-on, usually on our discipline night, every other week. So when you boil it down, we usually only have a D&S session once a week and rarely more than that. Every Friday night (or Saturday if we have plans on Friday) I discipline him and at the same time I grade his weekly performance and depending on the week and my mood, I will take him with the strap-on. These nights almost always lead to sex and sex is about the woman’s pleasure so I get pleasured and most times he stays denied. The other six nights we function in our D&S roles but I don’t have to dominate him because he is focused, so we can interact just like any other couple and we have the intellectual companionship and the friendship to make for a healthy marriage. It takes a little work but not as much as you’d think as long as I stay committed to that weekly discipline session."

Bravo, Monica. This is excellent advice and it reaffirms to me that I am on the right track with what I am doing in my marriage. I need to fine tune a few things and get back to some basics that I have allowed to slip but overall I am utilizing these four cornerstones with wonderful results.


  1. What a great summary for a D's oriented Female Led Relationship.

  2. One cornerstone down... Three to go.

  3. excellent detail on how to main the FLR with your partner.

  4. Excellent. 4 simple yet very fundamental steps to a Female-dominated relationship

  5. this is what i want. this is what i need. i just need a dominant female. i am so ready to begin my new submissive life.

  6. This makes absolute sense. Such a steady and well balanced DS relationship. Thank you

  7. Awesome. Great advice, the perfect regimen.