Sunday, April 28, 2013

Pavlovian conditioning and the development of the sixth sense

I’m having a quiet and relaxing weekend, just James and I. He’s been on his best behavior attending to his chores and pampering and serving his Mistress. Nothing new to share as far as James and I go but I received an e-mail from an old acquaintance, a Mistress I knew from a decade ago. It’s been awhile since I shared some of my past female domination experiences and hearing from Melinda brought back memories.
I was the head Mistress of our local chapter of ClubFem when I first heard from Melinda. She resided in the Washington DC area and she contacted me about joining our group. She was in her early to mid 30’s and highly intelligent. She said she had a Masters in Anthropology and worked in the field of Environmental Anthropology. I remember that because usually when people contacted me about joining our group, they didn’t share what they did for a living. Most people are very guarded about their life away from the “scene”.
I talked with her over the phone and about a week later James and I met Melinda and her husband, Brian, at a Houston’s Restaurant in Rockville, MD. I tried to meet with new couples in person before inviting them to attend a ClubFem social. Melinda was attractive with her short platinum blonde hair and her husband was tall and muscular. You could tell he was a gym rat with the way his biceps bulged every time he moved his arms.  
I invited them to the next ClubFem social but they never showed. Then a few weeks later, Melinda called me up and asked if she could attend the next month’s social and do a “show and tell” with her hubby. I asked her what she had in mind and that is when she explained to me how she had trained her husband to become erect and to orgasm on verbal commands. Naturally I found this to be most interesting so I asked her to explain to me how she was able to accomplish this. Melinda went into Pavlovian conditioning using scientific terminology, most of which went over my head.
Ivan Pavlov was a Russian professor who taught Physiology back in the late 1800’s. Pavlov began experiments with dogs that proved their reflexes could be conditioned by external stimuli. Specifically, after they were conditioned by the ringing of a bell at feeding time, they would reflexively salivate upon hearing the bell, whether or not food was present. Melinda used a similar technique when training her husband. She could tell I was fascinated by the topic, so she sent me an e-mail explaining Pavlovian conditioning and the training techniques that she created for her husband. I saved that e-mail and still have it. Here is a portion; 
“In his later years, Pavlov wrote of the two signaling systems which differentiated the animal nervous system from that of man. The first signaling system, possessed both by humans and animals, receives stimulations and impressions of the external world through the sense organs. The second signaling system in man deals with the signals of the first system plus the involvement of words, thoughts, and abstractions. According to Pavlov, conditioned reflexes play a significant role in both signal systems.
Much like Dr. Pavlov did with his dogs when it came to their saliva, I conditioned Brian to only release semen when I say and how I say. I used a combination of stimuli and vocal commands to train him to obey me. With Pavlovian type conditioning, it's important for there to be uniform and recognizable signals given to the male. Once these are established in his mind, he will respond each time to the same stimuli in an identical manner. I was able to combine Pavlovian conditioning with a consistent ritual of prostate stimulation using an electric butt plug. And I was also able to get him to refrain from orgasm by using an electric cock ring. With a remote control, I could bring pleasure or pain to his cock and balls, and I alternated between the two in connection with my verbal commands.
In the beginning I utilized prostrate milkings to train him. I would wear a latex glove and insert my forefinger into his anus and massaged his prostate. After a couple of minutes, I would insert my thumb, joining it a long side my forefinger as I slightly squeezed his prostate. This created a pleasurable sensation at first but it also made Brian feel as if he had to urinate. After about ten minutes Brian would begin to release semen which has a sensation similar to slow urinating. After the continued massage the semen flows out freely.
In the early stages of his training, I also used additional stimulus such as sucking and biting his nipples and slightly stoking his cock with my hand. I created a ritual where he was allowed to climax for me in a pleasurable way. I slowly weaned him away from my physical touch and later I changed the ritual from masturbation to an entertaining display where Brian was only allowed sexual relief through ‘non-pleasurable emissions’ at my command.
I substituted the electric butt plug for my fingers and I put the electric cock ring around his balls and the base of his cock. He was slowly trained to have his emission when, and only when, I give him a verbal command. At the first twitch, pulsation, or other indication of approaching orgasm, I would quickly hit the remote and send a very painful pulse to his cock ring. His mind soon learned to tell his body to hold back emission until l gave him the verbal command. This was extremely frustrating for him but he had to endure this routine over and over again until his mind and body was reconditioned. Eventually I was able to eliminate the electric butt plug and cock ring and he began to respond purely from my verbal commands.”
Sounded like a lot of work to me but I had to admit that the thought of watching this intrigued me, and I knew most of the members of ClubFem would want to see it. So I invited Melinda to the next social and consented to her “show and tell”. But once again, she was a no show. I was mad so I wrote her letting her how upset I was that she canceled without any prior notice. I told her that I could only conclude that all that she had told me was a lie.
Melinda apologized and said a personal matter came up. She never made it to ClubFem but she wanted to prove to me that she was being honest about how she was able to train her husband. To prove it, she invited me to her home for a demonstration. I agreed but only if I could bring James and one other couple from ClubFem who lived near her.
It was a Saturday night, not on ClubFem night but a different week, and we met Melinda and the other couple at the parking lot of the Houston’s Restaurant. We and the other couple had dinner there but Melinda chose not to eat with us. She showed up afterwards and we followed her back to her place. We went down to her finished basement and she introduced her husband to the other couple and then it was show time.
Melinda excused herself and changed into a leather outfit. She explained that she did this because her husband was nervous being in front of an audience and she thought he might need the extra mental stimulation of seeing her in leather. Melinda wore a pair of very tight leather pants and knee high spiked heel boots pulled over the pants legs that hugged her calves. She had on a leather jacket and leather gloves, all black.  She ordered Brian to take off his clothes.  He was red in the face from being embarrassed. I also remember what I perfect body he had, muscular and tan, but he had a rather small penis for being such a tall man.
Melinda placed her hand next to Brian’s face, ordering him to smell the aroma of the leather but she ordered him to remain limp. Although he was limp, she pointed out to us how he was dripping pre-cum because he had been denied for two weeks and his mind and body knew what was coming.  
Melinda placed a small saucer under her husband’s penis to catch his emission. She teased how he would entertain us afterwards by lapping up his own emission. It started out slow and a bit awkward but then it was like they entered into their own little world. It was like we were not there and they became one. It was amazing to watch. You could tell they had done this hundreds of times, it not more. I don’t remember word for word what exactly she said to him during this demonstration but it went something like this,
 “That’s a good husband. Hold back until I give you permission. You know the words, don’t you? You want to release for me but you know you will be punished if you release before I say you can. I own you, Brian. I own your body, mind and soul. You will obey me. Remember the last time you failed me. Remember how bad it I hurt? Remember the pain? Now concentrate for me. Get hard for me.”
And with that, Brian achieved his first erection. Again, he had a rather small penis but it was a nice girth when it was erect. It was impressive that he did not once gain an erection until she gave him permission.
“It’s almost time, sweetheart. Not yet, hold back, not yet. Wait for me. Wait. Wait. Now! Discharge for me!”
And as soon as she said “Discharge for me”, Brian climaxed, but it wasn’t a normal climax. He did not shoot his load. It flowed out of him like a steady stream into the saucer. It was a sight to behold. Melinda gave Brian a kiss and we could tell that she was proud of him. I guess she would have been very embarrassed had he failed in front of an audience. And she was true to her word. She made Brian lick up the contents of the saucer in front of us. I could have done without watching that, it was kind of gross to tell you the truth, but she wanted him to do it to prove how much control she had over him.
Nothing else happened that night. Brian got dressed and we visited with them for maybe an hour as she explained to us in more detail how she trained her husband. I must admit that I was impressed. I even contemplated starting a similar training routine with James, but I never got beyond the prostate milkings by hand. It was too much work. I never invested in the electric butt plug and cock ring that Melinda recommended. She gave us the website that sold them.
I heard from her maybe once or twice shortly after our visit. She kept saying she wanted to join ClubFem but she never followed through. I never heard from her again until l received an e-mail from her last week. She came across my blog and wanted to say Hi. She’s still married to Brian. I wonder what the long term consequences to Brian’s training have been? I might call her to see what she’s been up to this past decade.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Finding that perfect balance

I had a talk with James the other night where we discussed what each of us needs out of this femdom marriage. I am in charge and I make the decisions but in order for this lifestyle to work, both parties have to find fulfillment. Therefore open and honest communication is vitally important. In many ways, James was my first mentor when it came to this lifestyle as he introduced it to me and helped me to understand the needs and motivation of a submissive male.
During our most recent discussion, I explained to James how I was enjoying a more domesticated lifestyle where he does additional household chores and tends to my personal needs. I also reiterated how I want to utilize the confinement room more this Spring and Summer as I feel we have not fully explored its potential. James confessed to me that he is a little disappointed that I have pulled back on treating him “crueler” because he enjoys the intense stuff, such as when I make him suffer physically like when we experimented with harsher whippings, the spiked mats and strappado. I reminded James that I don’t like hurting him and when I do these things he doesn’t seem to enjoy it all that much while it is occurring (although I had to admit he does seem to drift into a much more submissive and peaceful frame of mind afterwards).
So we talked about it, I took his comments under consideration and I made the decision to add a little more intense discipline if that is what he needs to be motivated as he serves me domestically and personally. However, I reminded him that all of this is up to me and I will decide the when, what, where and how based on my mood and my sexual desires. James has to understand that I can’t fake it. I have to be excited by what we do and how we do it.
I think we’ve achieved that perfect balance thus far this weekend. Friday night James prepared a lovely dinner. After we ate, I relaxed on the couch and talked with Thomas on the phone while James kneeled on the floor and gave me a delightful foot massage. Around 9:00pm, I took James down to the confinement room where using ankle and wrist cuffs, I bound him naked (other than his chastity device) against the leftmost rubber wall and administered a whipping using my long handle riding crop. I left him bound against the wall as I locked the door and headed back upstairs. I went through my e-mail and surfed the web for about an hour, than I decided to go through my toy box to see if anything in there would spark an idea or motivate me to as to what to do next with my hubby.
Nothing really jumped out at me but my strap-on harness was hanging on a hook on the inside of the lid, along with my spiked leather bra and panties. So I changed into the fetish attire and added my pair of knee high leather boots to the outfit, strapped on the harness, attached a moderate sized dildo, grabbed some lube and a latex glove and headed back down to the confinement room.
I opened the door, pressed my body against his, tilted his head back and gave my hubby a long, passionate kiss. He could feel the spikes pushing into his skin and the dildo pressing against his backside so he knew what was coming. I lubed up his anus and the dildo, grabbed him around the waist, pulled him toward me (his hands and ankles still bound to the wall) and eased the dildo inside of him. I then gave him a rather hard fucking for 5 to 10 minutes, the spikes on my panties hitting against his buttocks every time I pushed my hips forward.
“Is this what you wanted, baby?” I teased. “Is this how you want me to treat you?”
After I was done with the dildo (I would have liked to have gone longer but I got tired after 5 to 10 minutes) I grabbed the riding crop again and administered another whipping, harder this time as we both were in that zone by now. One I was done disciplining him, I took off the strap-on, unlocked him from the wall, pushed him to the floor (face up), slid off my panties and sat on his face. He knew what to do. He licked and tongued me until I climaxed. Shortly thereafter, we both retired to bed.
On Saturday, James attended to his long list of indoor chores while I fiddled outside in my flower garden. I had a dinner date with Thomas so around 5pm, I had James draw me a bath and he tended to my personal needs by bathing me, washing my hair, drying me off, and brushing and drying my hair. As I was applying my cosmetics, James ironed the clothes I picked out to wear for my date. Then he helped dress me. Afterward, I locked James into the confinement room (with his cell phone). Thomas picked me up at 7pm.
We got home at around 9:15, where I let James out of his prison for a bathroom break. I inserted a butt plug and locked him back into the confinement room. Thomas and I watched a little television but what we mostly did was make out on the couch. Then we retired to my bedroom. I turned on the intercom so James could listen in. Thomas stayed the night and I let James out of the confinement room around midnight.
Today, Thomas is taking me to lunch and shopping whereas James has lots of yard work to do, including mowing the lawn. He is tending to it as I write this. Thomas is still sleeping so I have to get him up so we can get going.
Overall, I think we’ve had a well-balanced femdom weekend. I dominated James in a manner that he says he needs, and he tended to my domestic and personal needs. I’m not saying this is how it’s going to be every weekend (that is improbable) but it sure did work out nicely this weekend.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Bitter Moon

Directed by Roman Polanski 

Starring:  Peter Coyote,
Emmanuelle Seigner,
Hugh Grant,
Kristin Scott Thomas 

Released: 1992 

Length: 139 minutes

People that know me know that I am a genuine movie buff. My favorite date night is dinner and a movie and I’ve been known to go to the movies all by myself. I have a large collection of movies on DVD and VHS, I subscribe to all the movie channels on Direct-TV, and I am an avid watcher of Sundance, IFC, AMC and Turner Classic Movies. Given all that, I was not too surprised when back in 2005 I was asked by Elise Sutton to do a movie review column for her e-zine dedicated to female domination. I figured I would have to watch a lot of “Adult” films but I was pleasantly surprised with how many so-called mainstream movies that had Femdom themes or at least Femdom imagery.  

How on earth did I not know about “Bitter Moon”? It was released in 1992, it starred Hugh Grant and Kristen Scott Thomas, and it was directed by none other than Roman Polanski. Perhaps I missed this film because it was theatrically released back in 1992 in Europe but neglected here in the United States. “Bitter Moon” made it to VHS in 1994. I must have overlooked it at the local Video store. The film is also known as Lunes de fiel (The moons of Gall) in France. The script is inspired by a book with the same name, written by the French author Pascal Bruckner.  

Is "Bitter Moon" worthy of a Femdom movie review? Let’s see, it has sadomasochistic sex, D&S mind games both inside and outside the bedroom, a scene where a man describes the erotic quality of golden showers, fetish clothing worn by the shapely central female character, and cuckolding. I’d say the movie is Femdom worthy, wouldn’t you?  

Roman Polanski was criticized for casting his own wife, Emmanuelle Seigner, in the central role of an insatiable seductress with black widow tendencies, whose amusement is to use her sexuality to enslave men. But Seigner never seems miscast in the role. In fact, she is perfect for the part combining her youthful and girlish face with her tall and statuesque body. And when her character takes on a dominant and cruel persona, Seigner embodies the male ideal of the Femdom fantasy.

The main premise of the film is the chance meeting of Oscar (Peter Coyote), a paraplegic, and Nigel (Hugh Grant) aboard a cruise ship. Oscar has a story to tell and he warns, and tempts, Nigel about his wife, Mimi (Emmanuelle Seigner). As Oscar describes how he met Mimi, we see their marriage in long flashbacks. Oscar is not a paraplegic when he meets Mimi. In fact, he is an inspiring American writer with big dreams and an enthusiasm for Paris.  
At first, Oscar and Mimi’s relationship is pure romance. Oscar is a struggling writer who meets Mimi on a bus. Oscar becomes obsessed with finding her again, looking all over the city, until he finally frequents the restaurant where she works as a waitress. The more mature Oscar asks Mimi out on a date and their romance commences. Then boredom begins to creep in, and with it the antidotes to boredom. Mimi enjoys sadomasochistic sex and D&S mind games, and naturally Oscar is fascinated. 
It begins one day when Oscar is shaving. Mimi asks him if she can do the honors. Oscar is hesitant but she insists, so he relents and turns the sharp razor over to her. Mimi accidentally cuts him and she literally licks his wound.  
Oscar continues to tell Nigel how the relationship unfolded and he recalls the event that launches them into the world of kinky sex; 
“The seasons came and went. Mimi’s face still held a thousand mysteries for me, her body a thousand sweet promises. But lurking in the back of my mind was an unspoken fear that we’d already scaled the heights of our relationship. It would all be down hill from here on. But then something happened, something that would put things on an entirely different plane. We were … on a skiing vacation, I rented a Chalet there…Mimi on the floor wearing just a T-shirt and nothing else, watching television, and me on the couch watching her.  
All at once, she got up, stalked over to the set, spread her legs and pissed on the screen, like she wanted to blot it out. Time stood still for an instant, then I rolled off the couch, I crawled over to her like a lunatic. I wormed my way between her legs and right away I was engulfed with this warm, golden cascade. It spattered my cheeks, it filled my nostrils, it stung my eyes, and something jolted my brain … there was this blinding flash in back of my eyeballs and I experienced the orgasm of a lifetime.” 
After Nigel expresses his disgust to this sordid tale, Oscar adds; 
“Have you ever felt unbridled passion? Have you truly idolized a woman? Nothing is obscene in that kind of love. Everything between you becomes a sacrament.”  
Oscar continues on by describing how the two of them retreated into their relationship, shutting out the outside world. They bought S&M toys at a fetish store and they go deeper and deeper, acting out all kinds of kinky fantasies. 
We see Oscar bound in a chair, with duct tape on his mouth.  
“I always had a suspicion that it might be extremely pleasurable to be humiliated by a beautiful woman. It was only now that I realized what this could entail.” 
We see Mimi in a leather trench coat. She pulls out his razor, filling him with fear as she rubs it across his face before using it to cut off his clothes, coming dangerously close to his genitals. She finally pushes the chair over, she takes off the coat, her naked ass shaped by her garters, her legs encased in stockings, she towers over him with hands on hips. Mimi squats over his face, making us wonder if she is about to administer another golden shower or is she going to make him go down on her. But we never find out as the scene fades to the fireplace as the camera pans over all their S&M toys, the whips, the paddles, the bondage devices.
Oscar continues the tale and explains that eventually the relationship lost that initial passion. Mimi loves the older Oscar, perhaps he is like a father-figure to her, and she doesn’t want to lose him. Conversely, the selfish Oscar wants out of the relationship. Once the thrill of the sex is gone, he has no further need for Mimi. In order to rid himself of the ever dependent Mimi, Oscar reverts to treating her like dirt. He is cruel to a fault, taking every opportunity to humiliate her and to tear her down.  
Mimi puts up with it, and we are not sure if she is indeed a victim or if she embraces his cruelty as another D&S game, with her being in the submissive role this time. I suspect it is the latter, with Mimi giving Oscar many opportunities to humiliate her both in public and in private. She gains weight, cuts her own hair in an unflattering style, and she purposely allows her beautiful looks to change into those of a woman with a low self-image. When Oscar verbally puts her down, Mimi never looks overly hurt but rather she seems to soak it in, absorbing the emotional pain, perhaps for sexual reasons, or perhaps to fuel her ultimate fantasy, the turning of the tables. 
The turning of the tables occurs when Oscar is injured. Prior to his accident, he finally rids himself of Mimi after he persuades her to have an abortion. Whilst recovering from the ordeal, Oscar visits her and promises her a holiday somewhere exotic. We next see them together on the plane and just before it takes off, Oscar fakes illness and abandons the flight with her on board. Oscar doesn’t see her again for two years.  
Oscar immerses himself in a world of parties and one-night stands for the next two years. The hedonistic lifestyle ends when he drunkenly steps in front of a vehicle. A much more confident-looking Mimi visits him in the hospital, where he is recovering from minor injuries and a broken leg. By manipulating Oscar's traction device, Mimi cripples Oscar in an extremely cruel display of violence. Oscar becomes a paraplegic.
Mimi informs Oscar that she will look after him and moves back into the apartment to be his full-time caretaker. She revels in dominating and humiliating him. The beautiful Dominatrix Mimi, the woman that fascinated Oscar in the beginning of their relationship with her desire for kinky sex and D&S mind games, was back. But this time Oscar was not a willing participant. This time Oscar was the helpless victim of her cruel whims.
Oscar becomes filled with self-loathing and often talks about ending his own life. For a birthday present, the cruel Mimi buys him a gun, tempting him to either put up or shut up. 
As part of her D&S games, Mimi regularly cuckolds Oscar, constantly humiliating him that he is no longer capable of having sex, yet making him watch her with her lovers. At first, she leaves him alone while she is out all night. Later she brings home one of her dancing partners, a Black man that had made Oscar jealous one time prior to his accident, back when he was madly infatuated with Mimi. Oscar is forced to watch Mimi dance seductively with her well-built partner. They make their way to the bedroom and Mimi has sex with the man, keeping the door open, forcing Oscar to watch. 
Oscar is deeply humiliated and hurt but he soon accepts his lot. He marries Mimi and he comes to enjoy watching her seduce men. In fact, Oscar even plays the game, living his sex life, a life confined only to his mind since he is incapable of using his penis, by trying to secure lovers for Mimi. Oscar only has his memories and it is those memories that he enjoys sharing with Nigel.
The other story line of the film involves the prim and proper British couple, Fiona (Kristin Scott Thomas) and Nigel (Hugh Grant). Fiona and Nigel are on this Mediterranean cruise ship to Istanbul, en route to India, when they encounter the seductive French woman and her paraplegic American husband. The well-behaved and bashful Nigel desires Mimi and he gets swept into the mind games of the exhibitionist Mimi and her now voyeuristic husband.  
Nigel’s wife, Fiona, is a sophisticated woman, yet a cold, distant, and somewhat dry woman who on the surface would seem to offer little competition for the dangerously seductive Mimi. 
In classic Polanski style, the film is full of twists and turns, keeping the audience guessing wrong about what will occur next. Nigel finally gives into his temptations and surrenders to the advances of Mimi, only to be rejected. In total shock and disbelief, he watches as his wife dances with Mimi at the ship’s New Year’s Eve party.
The two ladies take to the dance floor and are encouraged by the crowd to dance passionately. Together the ladies leave and Nigel looks devastated. Oscar's attempts to philosophize only serve to enrage Nigel. He goes outside and screams his frustration into the wind and waves. 
Later, we see Nigel awake from a drunken stupor and he goes looking for Fiona. He finds her in Mimi's cabin, both women naked in bed. Oscar is sitting there in his wheelchair. He has clearly watched the ladies exhaust themselves sexually. In a moment of rage, Nigel grabs Oscar's throat only to have a gun pointed at him.  
In one final Polanski twist, Oscar becomes highly distressed and shoots the sleeping Mimi several times as Fiona cowers beside her. Oscar then turns the gun on himself and blows off the back of his head. Finally, we see the bodies being stretchered off the ship and Fiona and Nigel are left embracing one another.  
“Bitter Moon” was both praised and brutalized by the critics. The critics either loved the movie or despised it. Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs up with Ebert writing;  
“The word ‘lurid’ was coined to describe films like this. Well, of course "Bitter Moon" is wretched excess. But Polanski directs it without compromise or apology, and it's a funny thing how critics may condescend to it, but while they're watching it you could hear a pin drop.” 
Perhaps the critics thought it bad taste for Polanski to make such a controversial and sexually explicit movie since he, in 1977 at the age of 44, became embroiled in a scandal involving 13-year-old girl. It ultimately led to Polanski's guilty plea to the charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor and he became a US fugitive when before sentencing, Polanski was tipped off that the judge was going to disregard the plea bargain, in which case he would likely have faced a 50-year prison sentence. On February 1, 1978, Polanski fled to London before moving to France. As a consequence, Polanski has avoided visits to countries that are likely to extradite him and he mostly travels between France and Poland. 
So what do I think about this film? “Bitter Moon” is nowhere in the same league as Polanski’s better films, such as Rosemary's Baby (1968), Chinatown (1974) and The Pianist (2002). However, since I write reviews for an e-zine dedicated to Female Domination, I must give credit to this mainstream motion picture for its D&S scenes and its D&S references.  
I’m not quite sure if a movie like “Bitter Moon” is a positive or a negative for those of us who practice D&S. It’s definitely not the kind of film I would recommend to watch in order to begin a dialogue with a novice on the subjects of Femdom or D&S.  
People will draw their own conclusions about the moral of this movie. Some will find it to be about the dangers of sexual obsession (Oscar). Some will say it is about the dangers of sexual infidelity (Nigel). Some will say it is about the dangers of relationship dependency (Mimi). Some might think it is about the dangers of the proverbial seven year itch (Fiona and Nigel). And some might even think it is about the dangers of kinky sexual practices.  
The scene where Oscar and Mimi play hide and seek with barnyard sounds being played on a tape recorder and Oscar wearing a Pig mask while the whip-wielding Mimi searches for him, will make both D&Sers and Vanilla alike cringe. I’m sure this was the film’s attempt at humor, and hey, if that is what turned Mimi and Oscar on, so be it. But to a vanilla audience that scene just solidifies the misconception that people who engage in D&S are freaks.  
Then there are those who draw no moral conclusions but agree with Roger Ebert that the movie is a lurid drama and a black comedy. There were some wonderfully erotic scenes in this movie. I enjoyed the erotic dance between Mimi and her lover as she cuckolds Oscar, the scene where Oscar is bound to the chair with duct tape over his mouth, and the scene when Mimi dances for Oscar in a room full of candles.


For me, the movie is broken into three acts. I enjoyed acts one and three, but I felt act two was slow, tedious and grueling to watch. The first act is the beginning of their relationship, where Mimi introduces Oscar to S&M and her kinky fantasies. Although Oscar is the dominant partner in the relationship, Mimi uses her sexuality to seduce him into her sexual desires. Mimi is dominant in the bedroom. I think the readers of my blog will enjoy this part of the film.  

The second act of Mimi and Oscar’s story was painful to watch, especially if you are into Femdom. Seeing Oscar humiliate and treat Mimi like dirt, and not in the bedroom but in their everyday life, was a real downer. I kept thinking, “just leave the bastard already!” 

However, the third act of their story, although shocking and at times pathetic, brought Femdom back to the forefront. This movie works best when Mimi is dominant and in command. I think the movie almost falters from act two. Can you imagine “Basic Instinct” with Sharon Stone being submissive to a man in the middle of the movie? Even if you interpret Mimi’s submission as calculated, abiding her time until she can turn the tables, you are still conflicted.  

The characters of Nigel and Fiona were necessary as a means to show that even prim and proper people have hidden sexual desires. Oscar was a pathetic and vile character but Nigel tolerated him because he wanted to hear his sordid sexual stories. Nigel was also obsessed with Mimi, thus in that regard, he and Oscar were alike. And in the end, Fiona joined them in being infatuated with the sexual Mimi.  

The shocking and violent ending left me unsatisfied but I couldn’t seem to get the film out of my mind, and the next day I found myself pondering some of its scenes. My personal experience with D&S and female domination allowed me to re-think the characters. I still find Oscar vile but I am more sympathetic of Mimi. After all, at various times most women display the many sides of Mimi: Innocent, daring, naïve, experienced, romantic, kinky, devoted, passionate, loving, sexual, nurturing, and cruel. Her ultimate downfall is that she fell in love with the wrong man, a man she could arouse with intense passion, both positively and negatively. She finally pushed him over the edge, past the point of no return.  

“Bitter Moon” is the kind of film you will not easily forget. It will titillate you, perhaps offend you, and most definitely shock you. The middle of the film not withstanding, I definitely recommend it.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Warmer weather means more time in confinement room for hubby

James is getting to the place where he views alone time in the confinement room as being more of a punishment than a place for D&S play. When he first approached me last summer about building his little prison, once I gave him the go ahead, he could hardly contain his excitement. He worked tirelessly over the next several weeks to construct the confinement room in our basement. And I must admit that the room has provided the backdrop for some wonderful D&S sessions in the months that followed. And the addition of an intercom where I can force him to listen to what goes on in my bedroom was the icing on the cake.
Make no mistake about it, in the beginning my hubby would get very excited about me locking him in the confinement room for long periods of time. He liked it when I would restrain him, insert a butt plug or dildo, and lock him in there all alone in the dark, alone with only his thoughts. But as time has marched on, the thrill and the newness of the confinement room has definitely worn off for James and he doesn’t always look forward to being placed in there. This is a good development in my opinion because now I can use the threat of placing him in there as a punishment or I can use the room as a timeout spot if I feel he needs to think about things.
We have settled into a more domestic oriented lifestyle as of late but I am not about to forego the use of the confinement room. After all, he took the time, the effort and the money to build it. I might as well utilize it. I love to punish him by locking him in his self-made prison because it involves modest effort on my part. I may or may not place a dildo up his butt, and I may or may not restrain him, and I may or may not utilize the intercom. It is totally at my discretion based on how I feel. If I want to make a production out of it, I will place him in some kind of bondage within the confinement room. I usually only do this if I am going to be at home. But there are occasions when I just order him in the confinement room and I lock the door and incarcerate him in there until I feel he has learned his lesson. No additional bondage, no dildo, no hood, no gag, just him inside that small, dark room until I decide to let him out. This is what I did this weekend. He spent a lot of time in there, more time than he wanted.  

I really believe it is good for James to spend alone time in the confinement room. I notice a difference in him when he emerges after spending long hours detained in there. Inside his little prison there are no distractions. There is no television or radio to occupy his mind. He must confront his thoughts. He must confront his fears. He must confront the truth about our marriage and my active social life that does not always include him.
It is precious to watch his facial expressions when I order him to be confined in his little room with the rubber floor, the rubber walls and the rubber ceiling. I swear the other day he acted like a little boy who had been grounded and ordered to his room by his mother. I guess in many ways I am his female guardian, his matriarchal authority figure, as I have charge over him. My word is law and he must obey. If I order him to the confinement room, that is that. He will not come out until I decide.  

Again, as with many things in this lifestyle, the confinement room was his idea. He was eager to build it. He was excited to build it. But now, I wonder, does he regret it? Does he regret giving me yet another option, another method to dominant him? Summer is coming and the warmer weather means more outside chores for hubby, a more active social calendar for me, and yes, more use of the confinement room.  

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Punished by proxy

Let me try this again seeing how some people misinterpreted what I wrote yesterday. I decided to delete that post because really the purpose of this post isn’t about me and Thomas, but it is about me and my husband and how we stumbled across a new and most interesting power dynamic to our femdom marriage. And I have to give my wonderful and adoring husband all the credit for it as it was his idea.

The other day I was venting to my hubby my frustration with several men in my life, a neighbor who was cutting down trees along our property line, a co-worker who has been a real prick lately, and Thomas, who has an annoying habit of calling me up on Thursday night and telling me he’s coming to town on Friday and wants to see me. This has been a source of contention between us. I am a spontaneous woman but I usually have plans set for the weekend and I cannot just drop things just because Thomas wants to get laid. So I’ve set down the law that he can see me only when I say, and we will have sex only when I want to have sex. Thomas and I are good friends who happen to also be lovers due to a mutual attraction but as the Shania Twain song goes, “any man of mine, better walk the line.”
Anywho, it doesn’t really matter which man in my life was causing me stress. I was venting to my hubby and, as submissive men do, he became excited by my feistiness and bitchy demeanor.  He was in the mood to be dominated so he suggested that perhaps I should take out my frustration on him. I thought, “What a wonderful and creative idea”. Hubby should stand in proxy for any man that gets under my skin. I can’t punish them but I sure can punish my willing husband.
I warned James that if we did this, he must accept that I would punish him as if he had been the one who had displeased me. The poor dear was too gone by now to back out. I could tell he was excited at the prospect of feeling my wrath. To him, it would be an occasion to be dominated. But to me, it was an exercise to release stress and frustration by punishing the male gender.
I tied James naked, face down on my bed. I went through my collections of whips to decide which implement would best represent how I felt at that moment. Oh yes, there it was … the cane. And not the thin one, but the thick one. The one that leaves nasty welts. After all, I was mad at three different men at the time so he would have to bear the punishment for all three. And I must say that the fact that one of the men was my lover added extra humiliation to my hubby. Thomas gets sex. James gets the whip. Such is the life of a submissive husband who encouraged his wife to date other men.
I didn’t put on leather or any fetish attire. This wasn’t about the man’s fetish or arousing his sexuality. This was pure, unadulterated punishment. I took off my top and my pants because I didn’t want to get too warm but I left bra and panties on. I circled James and lectured him how he was standing in proxy for all men that mistreat me. I tapped the cane on his buttocks before giving a light blow. Reality set in real fast for James Even a light blow with this particular cane will make a man jump. A few more light ones with just the tip left red marks. Now I was getting aroused. It was time to release my stress. I dished out ten solid blows with the cane, one at a time, waiting five seconds between each swat. James twisted on the bed from the pain after each one. When I was done, his butt cheeks had a few nice welts as a memento of his position as proxy.
I felt much better. All that stress and pent up frustration left me as I punished my hubby. I left him tied to the bed for a few minutes while I admired my handiwork. Then the kind and gentle Kathleen rubbed some soothing aloe on his very sore bottom. I untied him, gave him a kiss and a hug for being willing to take that for me. I also gave him a warning, now that he opened this door to me, he better beware because the next time some man pisses me off, my hubby just might have to stand in proxy again.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Walk All Over Me

Directed by: Robert Cuffley  

Starring:  Leelee Sobieski
Tricia Helfer
Lothaire Bluteau
Jacob Tierney
Ross McMillan
Michael Eklund 

Released: 2007 
Language: English 

Length: 99 minutes


Female Domination in advertising sells, be it a magazine ad trying to sell shoes or be it a movie poster trying to sell more tickets. Take the 2007 Canadian independent film "Walk All Over Me". The movie poster shows two attractive women dressed as Dominatrices. Under the movie title are the words “Love Latex Larceny”.  
Then there is the movie trailer which is full of Femdom and S&M images, showing the two female stars in a variety of Dominant wear. And there is the back of the DVD box which features a picture of Tricia Helfer in a Dominatrix outfit with the words “A dangerously Deviant Ride that will leave you begging for more.” Notice the words ‘Deviant’ and ‘begging’. It also mentions that the film stars Tricia Helfer as the “ultimate S&M Mistress”. 
So what is one to surmise when viewing the poster, watching the trailer and reading the back of the DVD box? Those of us interested in Female Domination will be tempted to watch this film. I know I was, and I did, and while I enjoyed portions of this movie, it still bothers me when movies use Female Domination to lure in an audience yet refuses to deliver on the promise of the movie’s eroticism that was portrayed in the slick marketing campaign.

I watched the movie twice, the second viewing with the commentary of director Robert Cuffley and the two female stars. Cuffley basically admits that he used the Dominatrix theme for marketing because he knew it would gain him a larger audience. And both women commented on how most of their interviews about the film revolved around questions regarding S&M and how they prepared for their roles. Even the critics and journalists were lured in by the promise of a ‘Deviant Ride’. 
"Walk All Over Me" was a cute movie that had its moments but it was not a ‘Deviant Ride’ and it did not leave me ‘begging for more.’ In "Walk All Over Me", Leelee Sobieski plays Alberta, a clumsy young female who sorely lacks confidence. She escapes a boring job and an abusive relationship in a small town and flees to Vancouver where she looks up the only person she knows, her childhood babysitter, Celene (Tricia Helfer). 
Celene is a strong, confident woman who lives in a nice house decorated with expensive furnishings. Although Celene genuinely cares for Alberta, her arrival is greeted with muted enthusiasm because Celene knows that trouble usually follows Alberta wherever she goes. Alberta showing up at her door is not the best timing for Celene since she is focused on her career and her goals. And what are her goals? She wants to be an actress and she is only eighteen months away from having enough money where she can move to Hollywood and hire an agent. And what is her current career? Celene is a Dominatrix. 
"Walk All Over Me" is an independent film written and directed by Robert Cuffley. His idea for the script was to throw an innocent, less-than-worldly character, into the business of S&M. Cuffley thought there would be dramatic and comedic possibilities to this unique spin on the ‘small town girl goes to the big city’ plot. Cuffley wanted to see the reaction of this character to the kinky world of S&M. So there are quite a few lingering shots of Alberta's face, where the director dwells on her small town reaction to what she's witnessing.
Her first big reaction is when she spots Spencer (Ross McMillan) scrubbing Celene’s floor while wearing only a leather body harness. Celene comes out of her bedroom wearing a skin-tight latex outfit, complete with thigh-high boots, and she explains to Alberta that Spencer is her loyal slave and he cleans her house every Friday. Spencer bows down and kisses Celene’s boots as she throws on her coat in route to see a client.  
She later explains to Alberta, while Alberta assists her by lacing up the gorgeous corset Celene is wearing in preparation to see another client, that she makes $300 an hour and that dominating men is a form of acting. “If you act as if you’re in charge, men will submit to you.” 
Celene is goal oriented but Alberta is aimlessly floating through life. She has no plans beyond getting a job, which she finds at a local supermarket. She worked in a country grocery store in her home town so working in a supermarket is about as big as she can dream at this point in her life. 
Yet she views Celene as her mentor and she is fascinated by her line of work. When Celene is not home, Alberta tries on Celene’s sexy SS officer outfit and a pair of high-heel shoes. Alberta’s awkwardness tells us that she is not accustomed to walking in high-heel shoes. However, she feels sexy in the Dominatrix outfit and she playfully pretends she is dominating a man, barking out orders and practicing with a whip, accidentally hitting herself in the leg (naturally this scene made the trailer).
In walks Spencer and Alberta becomes startled. She spills the cup of coffee she is holding all over the expensive SS officer outfit. Spencer makes matters worse by wrongly advising her to clean the uniform with the contents of the orange bottle in the laundry room, which happens to contain bleach.  
Celene comes home and verbally chastises Alberta, telling her that the outfit cost $800. Celene takes out her frustration by slapping Spencer in the face. Spencer stands outside the laundry room and listens to the two women arguing much the way a child listens in on parents fighting. Alberta emerges and in her first dominant act, she too slaps Spencer.  
“Walk All Over Me” is meant to be a quirky comedy and there are some funny moments in the film. It also has some very sweet moments as we see Alberta blossoming into a confident woman. Alberta wants to earn some fast money so she can pay Celene back for the outfit. She gets the idea that perhaps she could dominate one of her clients and earn $300 per hour. Celene has an unusual method of screening clients. She makes them videotape themselves describing their D&S interests. Alberta watches the videos when she is alone, covering her face from embarrassment at some of the strange fetishes and requests from Celene’s would-be clients. Finally she sees the tape of Paul. He is a cute, young man who seems to be normal and well-grounded. Alberta pretends to be Celene and calls up Paul. His first assignment as her slave is to meet her at the food court in the mall. 
There is charming scene where the innocent and naïve Alberta meets Paul at the mall. She is very nervous but she grows in confidence as she orders Paul to get her a drink and later some ice crème. She even buckles a collar around Paul’s neck as he heads off to the ice crème counter. When he returns with her treat, Alberta scolds Paul for disobeying her by not getting double the chocolate as a topping. Whilst Paul tries to explain that they were going to double the cost for the extra topping, Alberta gets the hang of being a Dom as she doesn’t want to hear excuses and she orders Paul to go and rectify his mistake.  
Paul offers to pay Alberta an additional $300 if she would accompany him home and dominate him at his house. Alberta agrees and once inside his home, Paul kneels and kisses Alberta’s shoes and works his way up her legs just above her knees. The clumsy Alberta accidentally stumbles and knees Paul, which he obviously doesn’t mind. As a side note, the only kissing in the entire movie is when Spencer kisses Celene’s boots and Paul kisses Alberta’s shoes. There is no kissing on the lips and no sex whatsoever in the film.  
Up to this point, I was enamored with “Walk All Over Me” but then Cuffley takes the script into another direction. I liked the ‘Love’ and ‘Latex’ parts but I could have done without the ‘Larceny’ and sadly the ‘Larceny’ dominates too much of the film.
While Alberta is dominating Paul by attaching a leash to his collar and walking him around the house like a dog, they are interrupted when three criminals break into the house. The first is Rene, the owner of a Montreal club. He claims that Paul stole $500,000 from him. When Paul refuses to disclose where he hid the money, Rene brings in Isaac and Aaron, two thugs. While they beat up Paul, Alberta grabs Paul’s duffle bad which contains $20,000 (money he claimed he won at a casino), she steals Paul’s car and heads back to Celene’s house. 
The rest of the movie is about the money. Rene tracks down Alberta and he assaults her in Celene’s house. Celene comes home from a session, dressed in a police outfit, and the tall, dominant female beats the crap out of the short and slightly built Rene. The girls handcuff him and tie him up with bondage tape. They take him to Spencer’s house, which of course has a room full of S&M equipment, and they keep Rene a prisoner there while the girls hatch a plot to rescue Paul from Isaac and Aaron, and get their hands on the rest of the $500,000.  
Celene needs the money because she admits to Alberta that she does not own the nice house with the beautiful furnishings. It belongs to one of her clients and she is living there rent free for a year while he is away. Celene needs to replace all the furnishings that were broken when she beat up Rene. 
Seeing that this is a quirky comedy, although the film was also advertised as a comedy/thriller, I’ll admit there were some humorous scenes that involved Isaac and Aaron in-fighting, Rene trying to escape his captivity, and Spencer joining the girls in their outrageous plan. However, what got lost was the initial charm of an innocent, small town girl being thrust into the worlds of professional domination and S&M. I feel that Cuffley made a big mistake when he introduced the money and the criminals into the plot. It kind of reminded me of the mistake the makers of “Exit to Eden” made when they meandered away from the original plot in the book and added a comedic plot to the movie that involved diamond thieves. The difference is that society has come a long ways since 1995 in its acceptance of Female Domination and S&M as alternative lifestyles.  
I will say that Cuffley succeeds in showing Alberta gaining in confidence as a woman, as she ultimately saves the day. In fact, we see some cracks in Celene’s confident persona as her plan to get the money and rescue Paul fails. Alberta, with the help of Spencer, must rescue both Paul and Celene, and she proves to be up to the task.  
Toward the end of the film there is a scene where Alberta is back at the food court in the mall, this time wearing Celene’s sexy SS uniform (the coffee stain covered with a patch) and a pair of thigh-high boots. She encounters the macho Isaac and there is a psychological exchange between the dominant male and the new dominant female, Alberta. The dominant female outsmarts the male and there is a satisfaction watching the statuesque Alberta walking confidently in her boots near the end of the film, securing a date with Paul and gaining the respect of her mentor Celene.  
All of this could have been achieved without the “larceny” plot. I believe writer and director Robert Cuffley steered the film in the wrong direction by introducing the plot of stolen money and the three criminals searching for the money. Had he kept to the initial premise of a naïve, small town girl becoming a confident woman through exploring the Femdom lifestyle via her friend the Dominatrix, the movie would have been a homerun. Instead, it is a lazy fly ball well short of the warning track.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Note: If you rent the DVD, you might want to watch the film twice, the second viewing with the commentary of Cuffley and the two female stars (not that the movie is worth over 3 hours of your life but if you have the time you might enjoy it).  

Sobieski mentions that she saw a news report that came to the conclusion that children who are spanked are more likely to seek out S&M encounters as adults. Her response to this was to remark that if she ever has children, she might be inclined to spank them knowing it could lead to them having a more interesting sex life. While I don’t agree with the analysis of the cause of S&M desires, I really liked Sobieski’s answer. Both women come across as intelligent, fun-loving females and there is no doubt in my mind that if they wanted to choose a different profession, they both could be successful Dominatrices.