Saturday, November 8, 2014

My new corset

Hi everyone. First, let me thank you for all the kind e-mails I have received. I’m sorry I haven’t written any of you back but I thank you for understanding why I’ve taken a sabbatical from blogging. Overall, things have been rather mundane. But we try to still play on occasion and hubby has been obedient in doing his chores and tending to my needs, for the most part. 

My new corset arrived and as promised here are a few pictures.



James got very excited when he saw me in it. I added my thigh high boots and leather opera gloves to the outfit and needless to say, it led to a most erotic night.

Not sure when I will post again but wanted to share this with you. All the best!

Friday, October 3, 2014

Taking a break from regular blog updates

In June 2011, I was looking for something to motivate me with the femdom lifestyle. I was active in the lifestyle from 1998 to 2008 but had taken a hiatus from the lifestyle for a few years. When I decided to give it another go, I needed something to make it fresh and exciting again. That’s when I decided to write this blog. My purpose was two-fold.  

One, I wanted to share some of the experiences I had with femdom between 1998 and 2008. It was a wild ride where I went from nervous beginner to the Head Mistress of a femdom group. Along the way I was a phone Mistress, a pro Domme, and a movie reviewer for a popular femdom e-zine. I met some fascinating people on this journey and had some interesting experiences. I figured people would enjoy reading about them.   

The second purpose of this blog was to challenge me. I figured if I wrote about my femdom marriage, having a blog would push me to make certain I had something to write about. And it did. This blog was exactly what I needed to expand my horizons and try new things. It was also wonderful to be able to share my thoughts, struggles and challenges with others.  

But now I feel I need a break, not from the lifestyle, but from blogging about the lifestyle. Right now it is just hubby and I, no groups, no other people, just him and I practicing our lifestyle within our marriage. And that’s how I want it for now. No pressure to write about what we do or don’t do. I just want to reset things with him and, like I said in my previous post, focus on the fundamentals.  

In my opinion, where I see our focus over the next months would not make for a great blog and I’m afraid most of the entries would be redundant. How many times can I write about spanking hubby with my hairbrush? Or hubby giving me a massage? Or hubby doing his chores while wearing my panties? It’s fun for us but pretty tame. The thing is: I am ready for tame in my life. I want to work on my relationship with James without “would this make for a good blog entry” hanging over my head. I no longer want to be challenged or motivated. I want to just be, in a relaxed way, for now.  

Thanks again for all the great comments and feedback I’ve received over these past three years. And it was great to touch base with some old friends who found me through this blog, especially the people from my ClubFEM days. God Bless you all!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Hubby gets spanked in front of my girlfriend

I know I haven’t posted much lately but its summer time and I’ve been out having fun. I try not to neglect hubby but there really hasn’t been much time for D&S play. I’ve been going out with my friend Amanda and I’ve shared with her bits and pieces of my lifestyle with James. I even told her that I had a “male friend” who I was going away with on a vacation. I’ve humiliated James in front of her a couple of times but I’ve wanted to do more. It’s a fine line to walk. I know she is very curious and intrigued but she is like that timid animal that if not approached correctly, it would be easy to scare her off. Finally I got her to agree to watch me spank James, as long as it wasn’t anything sexual. No nudity.  

So last night after we got back from our night out, Amanda and I relaxed in my living room while James served us a late night snack. I prepared hubby the night before, telling him of my plans, not for his benefit but for Amanda’s. I wanted it to go smoothly. James was very excited, I could tell by the bulge of his swollen balls in the tight shorts he was wearing as he served us.  

Finally the time was right. I ordered James to fetch my leather paddle from my bedroom. He was wearing a white tee-shirt and tight navy shorts. I had him hand me the paddle, remove his shorts and lay across my lap. He was still wearing black underwear. I’m not sure if Amanda noticed his chastity device or not. The dark underwear covers it pretty good. I was totally clothed, wearing blue jeans. I spread my legs and pulled the CB6000 between my jeans covered thighs then closed them tightly.  

I started by spanking his underwear covered ass, just as a warmup and to keep things light for Amanda. I didn’t include her, didn’t talk to her while I spanked James but I kept looking over at her to make sure she was okay with the scene. She was watching very intently. Her body language told me she was a little uncomfortable but definitely fascinated by what she was witnessing. 

I decided to be a little bolder so I hiked hubby’s underwear into the crack of his ass, exposing his cute butt cheeks. I began to spank him harder while I scolded him. I added some humiliated by informing him that I had a long list of chores I expected him to do while I went away. I continued to spank him harder and harder and James began to become most penitent, agreeing to be a good hubby and doing what he was told. James seemed to be extra humiliated with Amanda there watching him in such a vulnerable state.  
I ended his spanking by having hubby count out the final 10. His ass was a nice bright shade of pink with some red. It wasn’t the hardest spanking he’s received, not even close, but it was more than I had planned. I ordered him to put his shorts on and go clean up the kitchen. 

I’m not sure how Amanda felt about it. She is a girl of few words anyways and she didn’t offer much feedback. The only thing she said was “does he like being spanked like that?” Which I assured her he does. Amanda seems to be intrigued with dominating a man but she definitely always comes back to making sure James is happy in this arrangement. That shows she has a good heart, yet I sense there is a budding Domme wanting to come out.   

She didn’t leave right away, so that’s a good sign. She stayed and we watched a little television. James refilled our drinks once but he spent the rest of the time in the kitchen. Amanda eventually left. It will be interesting to see what she says to me the next time we get together, after last night has a chance to sink in. Baby steps, but if nothing else, last night allowed me to have a much overdue D&S session with hubby.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

New Femdom movie coming soon: My Mistress

Sorry I haven’t posted anything new in a while but my social calendar has kept me busy. In fact, I am heading to B-more later today and will be spending a few days with my sisters. James has been a good boy, working hard, doing his chores and making sure my needs are met. We haven’t “played” in a couple of weeks but I hope to make time for that later this week.
I have been receiving a lot of e-mails lately from my readers and as always I appreciate your feedback and words of encouragement. Just yesterday I received an e-mail from Michelle and since I used to review FemDom movies, she informed me of a new movie coming out called “My Mistress”.

It looks most interesting, kind of the Femdom answer to “Fifty Shades of Grey”, which is also currently running its movie trailer in various places, only “My Mistress” has the extra taboo of the male sub being a teenager. Here is the premise of “My Mistress”:
It’s a long hot summer for Charlie Boyd. He’s sixteen and his hormones are racing.  When a tragic family event tumbles Charlie into a world of pain, a pain so intense he thinks no-one can help, he tries to escape. Desperate and alone, he meets Maggie, the mysterious woman who lives down the street. She’s a professional and she specialises in pain. Giving it, exploring it, and sharing it, all for money. 
So Charlie insinuates his way into her life and despite herself Maggie can’t stop from going along with his wishes. However dangerous their relationship may be, she knows he needs her.  She needs him too. As much as she tries to deny it, she needs his sort of love, because in the part of her life she keeps from Charlie, she has been judged and found wanting, and is paying the price. Maggie is drawn to this troubled boy who takes all the pain she can give and uses it to heal himself.  As Charlie heals, he turns that love back onto her, his Mistress. 

Here is the website so you can watch the trailer: 
I hope it plays in a city near here so I can go see it. That might make for a wonderful femdom night out, taking hubby with me, and maybe Ginger and her hubby could join us. It would be fun to see the kind of people in the audience. I’m sure a lot of femdom enthusiasts would be there.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Hubby’s denial period ends with game of discipline

Saturday night I decided to allow hubby sexual release since he had been denied since April 18 and was on the verge of going stark raving mad. This past week he has shown all the signs of reaching his body’s limit: irritable, moody, leaking pre-cum, severe case of blue balls, discomfort. So I knew it was time but I had a busy week therefore hubby had to wait until Saturday. He survived which just proves a man can go longer than he thinks he can.
I was searching for a clever way to give him his release but was coming up empty. I just wasn’t in a creative mode this past weekend. But as I was skimming through some of my past blog entries, I came across one from August 2011. It was when hubby and I played a discipline game that I had found on a video clip. The game goes like this: I lay out 5 implements of punishment and hubby has to choose the order in which I use the implements of discipline on him.

The first one he would receive 20, the next 16, the next 12, the next 8 and the last 4 very hard ones. We were just getting back into the swing of things in 2011 so those numbers seemed low to me. Therefore I decided to upgrade the game. The first one he would receive 30, the next 25, the next 20, the next 10 and the last 5 very hard ones. 

Back in 2011 when we played this game the 5 implements were a riding crop, a tawse, a leather strap, a Spencer paddle and a wooden cane. This time I chose: riding crop, leather paddle, Spencer paddle, Delrin cane (the black one with the wooden handle) and wooden cane.

As I mentioned last time, having him choose his order of punishment really plays with his mind. I dressed in leather bra and leather thong (too warm for boots or gloves) and to get him in the mood I allowed him to lick my leather thong for about 3 minutes and plant kisses on my ass. Then I removed his chastity device and had him lay face down across my bed. He chose to begin with the leather paddle. I ordered him to count them out. I must have been hitting him harder than he expected because he was squirming by the time I reached 30. In fact, he was squirming so much that I decide to restrain him for the rest of the game. I put wrist and ankle cuffs on him and tied him to the posts on my bed. I told him that he could stop the game at any time but if he did, he would not get an orgasm for two more weeks. 

Next he chose the riding crop and I dished out 25 moderate blows to his reddened ass and the meaty part of the back of his legs. Hubby twisted his body from the pain but after I was done with the riding crop he began to slip into subspace. I took my soft fur glove and soothed his ass for a couple of minutes before continuing with the game.

James was relaxed from my mini-massage with the soft glove but the game had to continue. He chose the Spencer paddle. I decided to go hard and fast with the Spencer paddle.

That pretty much snapped James out of subspace as he had difficulty counting them out. Now his ass had bruises. I teased him, 

“This is the price for an orgasm. I think it’s more than fair, don’t you?” 

James next chose the wooden cane. He dreads the cane, be it wooden or Delrin. I tormented him by taking the cane and swishing it through the air, letting him anticipate what was about to happen. I slowly drew back my hand and brought the cane across his ass. James winced and stiffened his body. He endured 10 of these, although they were moderate. I was waiting for the last implement to go hard. Still, he had a few welts from the wooden cane. I gave him a breather, allowing him about 5 minutes to recover. I took the soft glove and soothed his bottom some more.  

Now would come the hard part. Five final blows with the Delrin cane. I reminded hubby that he could stop the game but the cost would be no orgasm. He had come this far so I knew he would endure the final 5.  I tapped the cane on his buttocks, drew it back and let it fly. James gave out a yell before he composed himself enough to count out “One!” 

I teased him, “Four more if you want that precious orgasm!” 

I drew the cane back and went hard again. “Two”, he screamed. I repeated this three more times and hubby endured them all. His ass was all marked up with red marks, bruises and some nasty welts. That fine line between domination and abuse was a little blurred if you saw his ass. But hey, it was only a game.  

Hubby had earned his orgasm but I was probably more aroused than he was. His cock had gone completely limp whereas my pussy was very wet. Therefore, after I untied him from the bed, I had James go down on me before he would be permitted his orgasm. Licking my pussy brought James’s passion back to life in a hurry. I made him stay there until he gave me multiple orgasms. James was twisting again, only this time not from being whipped but he was trying to hold back his own orgasm as his cock was rubbing against the mattress. I noticed this so I decided that is how I should end his denial. 

“Go ahead, James, you have my permission. Climax while you’re eating my pussy.” 

My words were all it took. James came all over the edge of the mattress. But he continued to lick me until I had one final orgasm. When he was done, his cock was still rock hard. He stood before me, breathing heavy with an erect penis. I was all relaxed from my orgasms and I figured he had earned another one.  

“Go ahead, James, jerk off for me. Stroke it and cum again.” 

I watched and it took him longer than I expected but I could tell he was on the edge so after a couple of minutes I gave him assistance by barking out the command, “DO IT!” And with that, James had his second orgasm in the most primal of male ways, giving himself a hand job as I was being entertained by this spectacle.  

I ordered him to shower, reinstall the chastity device and to come back and strip the bed and wash the sheets. It will be another two months before hubby is allowed another orgasm.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Hubby gets verbally humiliated in front of my girlfriend

Sometimes D&S happens completely spare of the moment, without any planning or preparation. Take last night for example. I was going out to dinner with a girlfriend. She’s the same friend I went out with this past Halloween and we had a wild time but my relationship with her is totally within the vanilla world. She knows very little about the details of my femdom marriage with James. She just thinks I am lucky to be married to such a devoted husband. She also thinks I am a little too flirtatious with other men, seeing how I am happily married.
I don’t get to do much with her these days, mostly due to her busy schedule and the fact that she relocated about 40 miles to the west. We were supposed to go to dinner around 7:00pm last night. I was running late so I had James assist me as I got ready. First, I had him rub tanning lotion on my shoulders and back. Next, I had him assist me with my sundress. I had just bought this dress and was anxious to wear it. The big mistake I made was not turning on the air conditioning. I had ceiling fans on and was comfortable when I showered but as I was struggling to get my dress adjusted properly, I began to get very warm. James turned on the AC but it was too late, once I get hot I do not easily cool down. The problem I was having with the dress was the straps. They did not cover the straps of my bra as they kept sliding to the left. I needed James to pull my dress to the right but it was sticking to my body. I was getting very frustrated and I began to take it out on James. It didn’t help that he had mentioned that my new dress showed off too much cleavage. Reflecting on it now, he said it in a respectful way but since I was frustrated and hot, I didn’t receive it that way. He meant that perhaps it wasn’t the best choice for having dinner with my girlfriend. But I took it as him being worried that it looked too much like a “fuck me” dress and he was jealous and worried because we would be eating out locally. If I were in Vegas, he wouldn’t care, but locally he is still afraid that friends and coworkers will find out what we do behind closed doors.
To make matters worse, just as I was getting frustrated, my girlfriend arrived. James showed her in and offered her a drink. She declined and waited in the living room as James rejoined me in the bedroom. I’m sure she could hear how I was talking to my husband in a not so flattering tone of voice, but I didn’t care. I was being a bit of a bitch, I can admit it now, but I was hot and frustrated and the dress was sticking to my skin and those stupid straps were not right and my husband was not being as helpful as I would have liked. It is times like this that I wish I had a real sissy maid, a man who is an expert at dressing and assisting a woman. James does his best but he is not a natural. He’s too masculine.
So by now I am running late and I am not in the best of moods. James suggested I change dresses but that just made me angrier. I wanted to wear my new dress and I was determined. Finally, I said “screw it, who cares if my bra straps are showing and my boobs are hanging out too much? I’m still wearing it.”
I walk out into the living room and give my girlfriend a hug. She comments on how nice I looked but I could tell by the way she was looking at me that she agreed with James when it came to the dress showing off too much cleavage. I didn’t care. Then she told me that a band she liked was playing at a bar and perhaps we could stop in after dinner. I was all for it and I asked my friend if she would drive since I was in the mood to get drunk. I could tell James wasn’t thrilled. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t have to, I could feel the vibe. He was worried someone he knew might be there and would see me in this provocative dress and knowing how I am after a few drinks, he could see me being very flirtatious.
So all of this is happening in my mind at the same time. I’m still hot, I’m flustered from my fight with the dress, I’m mad that we’re running late and I’m ticked at my hubby. I am a powder keg, using all of my willpower so I don’t explode in front of my friend. Then James goes and lights the fuse. He asks me “what time will you be home?” Now in hindsight, he said this innocently but given the mood I was in, I took it the wrong way. So without using judgment or proper discretion, right in front of my girlfriend, I began to verbally humiliate James. I don’t remember exactly what I said but it was along the lines of,
“What difference does it make what time I get home? I’ll be home when I get home. And if I decide to get drunk and flirt with other men, that’s my fucking business. Yes, James, your wife is going out in this sexy dress and I’m sure men will be gawking at my tits. So what? And if I decide to stay out all night, you’re perfectly okay with that, aren’t you?”
James’ eyes got real big and he looked at Amanda and he looked back at me and his face was soooo red. He was deeply embarrassed. But I didn’t care.
“Answer me, James. Are you okay if I want to stay out all night? And if I meet someone I’m attracted to and decide to spent the night with him, you’re okay with that, aren’t you?”
James looked down at the floor but then he looked at me and he consented to what I had just said. I could tell that he was now aroused. His embarrassment was giving way to submission. He wanted more humiliation, I could feel it, but I knew I had already gone too far in front of my friend.
For her part, my girlfriend must have felt sorry for James because she invited him to join us for dinner. That opened the door for me to humiliate James one more time. I spoke up and answered for him.
“He can’t come with us. He has chores to do. James, I want you to clean up the kitchen and do the laundry in the blue hamper in my bedroom. Is that clear?”
James had slipped into submission. He nodded and his face was no longer red. He was excited and he wanted to be dominated. He liked being humiliated in front of my friend, it was obvious. It was kind of cute and pathetic at the same time.
We left and my friend was quiet at first as we drove to the restaurant. I could tell she did not approve of the way I talked to my husband. I had to do something so I apologized to her and then I told her that James likes to be bossed around, that it turns him on. I apologized again for doing that in front of her and I explained that I had lost all discretion because I was frustrated about the dress.
She was cool with it and we ended up having a great night. I didn’t get plastered but I had a few drinks and we went to hear the band and we danced with a few men but nothing to write home about. She asked me a few questions about James and I could tell she was curious. I told her a little, not too much, but enough to crack open the door. If she ever mentions it again, I’ll tell her a little more. I would love to see her embrace more of her dominant side. She needs the confidence and I am more than willing to teach her.
As for James, well hubby was waiting up for me and he was a good boy. He had cleaned the kitchen and done not only the laundry in the blue hamper but also in the other hamper. He had washed, dried and folded my clothes. He greeted me at the door, bowed before me and apologized for upsetting me. I sat down on the couch and I told him to worship my body, beginning by kissing my feet. I told him about the men I danced with (embellishing things a little) and how I loved humiliating him in front of Amanda. James was very excited and he worked his way up my body, kissing me all over. Finally I allowed him to remove my dress and we retired to the bedroom. He performed total body worship and licked me to several orgasms. Of course he was denied. You just never know the direction a night might take. A frustrating struggle with a sundress turned into a wonderful D&S session.  

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Sissy-Maid for the day

On the lighter side of femdom, yesterday I decided to do something we do not do enough of, in my opinion. Lately I have had hubby doing lots of yard work and outdoor chores, taking advantage of the nicer weather. He still kept up with his indoor chores, like laundry, vacuuming and dusting. However, the house was in need of a thorough cleaning. The kitchen and bathroom floors needed mopped, tubs needed cleaned, counter-tops and sinks scrubbed, etc. So yesterday I decided he was going to be my maid for the entire day.  
We rarely engage in forced feminization, as that is just not James’ thing. But we had a very exciting forced feminization session back in January, although it was more gender role reversal than plan feminization. I felt the need to spice up James’ housework some so yesterday I decided to feminize him and make him into my sissy-maid for the day.
You may or may not recall that I once had a phone client who was into sissification and he sent me one of his sissy dresses and wigs for me to try on James. It was a cute pink dress with a blonde wig. We played with it a little but in recent years I rarely use this outfit, in fact I had it dry-cleaned and it was hanging in an upstairs closet. I broke it out yesterday and called James into my bedroom. When he walked in, he saw the pink sissy dress and blonde wig lying on the bed. I ordered him to undress and I dressed him in white panties, white stockings, and garter belt and then I assisted him as he put on the pink dress. James’ balls were noticeably full as his erection swelled inside the CB6000. He will not admit it without a little coercion but he likes to be feminized more than he wants to let on. After he was dressed, he sat in my vanity chair and I applied just a small amount of make-up to his face. Then I put on his wig and handed him his list of household chores for the day.
James was a good sport and didn’t complain too much, other than commenting a few times on how hot the dress made him and how he was sweating in it while doing his chores. I cranked up the AC to help him out but I was not about to allow him to take off the dress until all of his chores were done.
While he was doing his chores like a good little maid, I sat on the deck and talked with friends on the phone and I was on the computer some, including writing my blog entry yesterday on my thoughts about the fine line between domination and abuse. Every now and then I summoned James using the remote of the DL 2000 (we still use this device although not as much and we still can’t get it working using the internet or the iphone). The DL2000 gives off intense “love pulses” (an electric slap) to his genitals at the push of a button on the DL2000 remote.
When I summoned my sissy, he had to refill my drink or make me a snack. It was a lovely day. All was going well when a most unexpected event occurred. One of my girlfriends stopped by, unannounced. It was around 5:00pm and James made a beeline to the upstairs so she wouldn’t see him in his pretty pink dress and blonde wig. I called for her to come around back and sit on the deck with me. We visited for a while and then I excused myself briefly to check in on James.
To his credit, he did not take off the dress because I had not given him permission. He was dusting and straightening up upstairs, staying out of sight. I told James that he could take off the dress and wig and wash the make-up off his face. However, I wanted him to keep the panties, stockings and garter-on (they were sticking to his sweaty body) but he was to cover them up with tee-shirt, jeans and shoes. And he was to cook dinner for me and my friend and serve us out on our deck.
I kept the remote to the DL2000 in my pocket and used it a few times, without my friend knowing it. It kept James on his toes as he finished his chores and prepared us dinner, consisting of broiled steak, carrots, corn on the cob and wild rice. He served us dinner and I made him eat with us and visit with my friend over dinner. James was man of few words and I could tell he was a little uneasy, afraid that somehow my friend would figure out what he was wearing under his clothes. She didn’t have a clue and she left shortly after dinner, while James was doing the dishes. She marveled at what a good hubby I have and told me so several times during her visit.
To top the night off right, I had my sissy-maid give me a massage on the massage table, still dressed in lingerie although I had him remove the street clothes, he was in panties, stockings and garter only, still wearing his chastity device and the DL2000 as he gave me a great massage. The poor dear was completely exhausted. I wanted to play with him, perhaps give him a spanking or take with my strap-on, but after the massage I simply wanted to relax on the couch and watch a little television. James hit the shower and retired to bed. A job well done by my sissy maid for the day.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

The fine line between domination and abuse

One area that a Domme has to be very careful about is keeping all D&S play and femdom lifestyle interactions with her subby properly grounded. This isn’t always easy, especially if your sub encourages you to be cruel. For him it is all a part of his fantasy, it is some kind of dark hidden desire within him that wants to be treated harshly by a woman. I don’t mind playing the “Cruel Bitch” from time to time but the key word there is “playing”. That’s not who I am as a person, although a part of me enjoys being a little sadistic with my hubby occasionally. But I am not by nature an abusive person. I love my husband and even when I treat him harshly, I mostly do it for him. It satisfies some unusual need. It brings him pleasure in a perverse way. I’d be lying if I said I understood it all. I do not but that is who he is and what he needs to achieve sexual arousal. And the flip side to this is it provides the woman numerous benefits and perks. It can be a wonderfully satisfying lifestyle for all involved but there must be give and take.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I look at my marriage. I have lots of vanilla friends and family members who have rotten marriages and relationships. Some have ended in divorce and others are headed there. These women call me up and tell me of their problems and how lucky I am to have such a good marriage. If only they knew the half of it. After all, I not only have a husband who worships and adores me but he does the majority of the household chores, he submits to me making the decisions, he surrenders his paychecks to me, and he allows me to see other men socially, including having sexual relations with them if I so choose. It really is almost too good to be true.
But as with anything in life, nothing comes free or easy. A man like my husband has special needs. You don’t get the submission without the domination. If I have learned anything it’s that if I neglect dominating him, his enthusiasm for submission wanes. Some women say “Well then he is not a true submissive because a true submissive would submit to you no matter what.” Perhaps in theory but it doesn’t work that way, at least not for us. My husband is a great submissive, very obedient and eager to please. But he is not a robot. He has a soul, a very sweet soul, and he needs to be dominated in order for him to achieve fulfillment in being submissive. If I didn’t “play” with him, meaning if I didn’t dominate him in ways that arouse him sexually, then it wouldn’t be give and take. And if it’s not give and take then what is it? It would be abuse, would it not?
I don’t mean to ramble on here but I think about this from time to time. I’ve met women in this lifestyle who were very abusive to their husbands. It’s not for me to judge because I am sure the husband probably encouraged his wife to be that way but over time the D&S play more or less ceased and it became an abusive lifestyle. I witnessed women treating their hubbies very harshly, slapping them around, kicking them, locking them up in small cramp spaces when they were not needed, and cuckolding them without including them in on the fun. I question whether these women had any feelings at all for their husbands. Perhaps at one time they did but the love seemed to wax cold and all that was left is pure contempt. This one couple we met I could tell the wife disdained her husband. And it wasn’t some public humiliation scene they were engaged in that I misread. It is how their marriage evolved. She talked to him like he was dirt. She had stripped him all of human dignity and he basically existed to make her money and clean her house. If that’s what he wanted, more power to them, but it’s uncomfortable to watch.
He was feminized but she didn’t even bother to make that fun for him. She never dressed him up. He had to do that on his own. The poor guy was trying to make his lot in life exciting, dressing like her maid, wearing a self-installed chastity device, calling his wife names of endearment like “Princess” and “Goddess”. He thought he was being a good submissive, and he was, he was an excellent submissive. However, the poor guy was abused and he had the unhealthy looking whip marks and cigarette burns on his skin to prove it. But more than the physical abuse, he was carrying around the emotional scars. He wasn’t even allowed to look at his wife in her face. She forbade him to even look upon her … ever. If she caught him, she would slap him hard across his face. He always had his head downward and he didn’t look happy. Yet he was the one who contacted us. They wanted to meet other couples so she could show others how she had emasculated and degraded her husband. She thought they had a great femdom marriage. She didn’t like me at all because I refused to treat James that way. She said I was too nice to be a Domme.
I think about this couple, and others like them that I’ve met over the past 16 years, when I am being “cruel” to my hubby and it helps me keep things in balance. James needs this (domination) but he doesn’t need that (abuse) and it takes a wise woman to know the difference. And like I said, that isn’t always easy. It comes with trial and error but above all it comes with maintaining the love within the relationship. If I ever felt disdain for my hubby, I would end the relationship out of fear that it could turn into abuse.
Take the other night for example. I had placed James in the confinement room, bound and all alone in the dark, being punished for neglecting something I had asked him to do for me. He had an excuse but I wanted to teach him (and that is the purpose of punishment, to teach a man) that when life throws up a barrier, the dedicated submissive will still find a way. He will seek to please his Mistress even if the task proves to be difficult. I felt James gave up too easily on the task.
Therefore, he was being punished. After his confinement for several hours in restrictive bondage in an uncomfortable position, I released him and took him to my bedroom. There I administered 90 strikes of corporal punishment with my cane collection, 10 each from each cane, 2 wooden canes and 7 Delrin canes.

When I was done, James’ buttocks were bright red and striped and he was most repentant. Was I being abusive? Perhaps, if you didn’t understand the dynamics of our marriage you would probably come to that conclusion. But I didn’t stop there. I could have put him back in the confinement room for the rest of the night for him to dwell further on his punishment. Instead, I allowed James to worship my body.
When I administered his corporal punishment I was wearing only a silk bathrobe, nothing underneath. I dressed like this because I knew punishing him would more than likely get me aroused (yes, I have come to enjoy dominating my hubby almost as much as he enjoys being dominated, a wonderful byproduct of this lifestyle). After his punishment, I soothed his sore bottom with cool aloe then I had him kneel before me. I disrobed and took his head and placed it against my wet pussy. I sat on the edge of the bed, reclined back on my elbows and allowed him to worship me to orgasm. I could tell James was very excited. I could tell James was in that special place, a place he goes after he has been dominated or humiliated. It is a place where he is at peace and all is right with his world. How could I ever deny him this place? How could I not take him there?
Yes, it is a fine line between domination and abuse. And I would be lying if I said I always stayed on the proper side of that line. I try but there have been times when I have crossed that line but I have recognized it and was quick to get things back in balance. I can play rough at times and he likes that, he needs that, but what matters most is the heart. My heart is in the right place and as long as there is love, a.k.a. loving female authority, I am free to explore the deep, dark caverns of his submissive heart. I am still learning of him, and learning about me. There is a spiritual component to this lifestyle that I do not understand but when we experience it, like the other night, it transcends sex.


Saturday, May 17, 2014

Psychopathia Sexualis

Directed by Bret Wood 

Starring:  Ted Manson,
Daniel May,
Jane Bass,
Daniel Pettrow,
Kristi Casey,
Lisa Paulsen,
Veronika Duerr,
Rachel Sorsa  

Release: 2006 

Length: 98 minutes 

Richard von Krafft-Ebing was a German psychiatrist who spent the first years of his career working in asylums. Eventually he became disillusioned with the institutional approach and switched his focus to education, becoming a professor of psychiatry at the Universities of Strasbourg, Graz and Vienna. 

Although he published numerous articles throughout his life, Krafft-Ebing is best known for the book, "Psychopathia Sexualis" (Psychopathy of Sex), which was first published in 1886 and eventually became an international best seller.  

“Psychopathia Sexualis” was actually Krafft-Ebing's second book.   His first, "A Textbook of Insanity", was published in 1879 and contained an elaborate system for categorizing mental diseases that earned him a reputation as a masterful classifier.   

Though Krafft-Ebing is best known for beginning the study of sexual behavior, his work in psychiatry, criminology, and forensic psychopathology also helped advance psychology as a clinical science. He was also a forensic psychologist who investigated the legal and genetic aspects of criminal behavior and was often consulted by the courts as an expert witness. 

“Psychopathia Sexualis” is widely regarded as the first modern pornographic book and is particularly notable because it was written intentionally as medical science. Krafft-Ebing went to great lengths to describe the technical terms in Latin and was successful in transforming what many would consider an interest in sexual deviance into scientific inquiry and compassion. The extensive catalog of sexual positions and non-procreative sexual activities identified names and descriptions for acts that were considered unspeakable, sinful and criminal. His work re-named these behaviors as “sexual perversions” and influenced recognition of Sexology as a new branch in the study of psychiatry. Krafft-Ebing also coined the terms "heterosexual", "fetishism", "exhibitionism, "sadism" and "masochism".

Krafft-Ebing coined the word "masochist" from the sexual desires of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, a well-known novelist of the time who was said to enjoy being humiliated by women.  In 1869, Sacher-Masoch wrote "Venus in Furs", a novel about a man with strong masochistic desires, including the desire to be whipped by a woman while her body is adorned in fur.  

Many of Krafft-Ebing’s ideas were shadowed for years after Freud shifted the view of homosexuality to be defined as a psychological problem. The Catholic Church was also disturbed by Krafft’s attempts to draw a connection between sanctity and martyrdom with masochism and many found his research morally offensive at the time. Despite the controversial nature of his work, Krafft-Ebing pioneered an approach to exploring and classifying sexuality that was accepting and sympathetic.  

So what does all of this have to do with a movie review? Writer and Film Director Bret Wood attempted to bring to life Krafft-Ebing's notorious and groundbreaking taxonomy of sexual variation. In his 2006 movie “Psychopathia Sexualis” Wood depicts sadomasochistic rituals, vampirism, same-sex attraction, lust murder and fetishism through a series of dramatizations.  Krafft-Ebing is played by Ted Manson and we see him interviewing patients, dissecting corpses and attempting to diagnose what he believes are mental and sexual disorders.

The book “Psychopathia Sexualis” had 238 case histories. This left Brent Wood with the unenviable task of choosing a dozen or so for his movie version of the book. He chooses to include the sort of sexually deviant material that made Krafft-Ebing's book well-read and notorious. There’s the case of the French sex killer Emile Fourquet (Patrick Parker). There's the tale of Jonathan (Daniel May), a proper young man of some means who develops a blood fixation and abuses the family maid until his mother (Jane Bass) has him committed.  

There is the case of a famous episode of necrophilia (a sexual fetish characterized by a sexual attraction to corpses) from Krafft-Ebing's book. It is recalled by puppeteer Caglios (Rob Nixon) in a command performance staged for a rich baron (Greg Thompson).  

There's the story of a young gay man (Daniel Pettrow) whom Krafft-Ebing tries to “cure” of his homosexual desires with hypnosis.
And there is the long narrative thread where the Governess Lydia (Lisa Paulsen), a long-repressed lesbian tutor whose desires are awakened by young student Annabel (Veronika Duerr).  Krafft-Ebing believed that "woman is passive . . . if properly educated, she has very little sexual yearning". Lydia would rather spend her life alone than give in to her urges, even when her new charge, Annabel Lindstrom, reciprocates enthusiastically.   

What about Femdom? The movie depicts the Femdom tale of an aristocratic gentleman who likes to be trampled by scantily clad prostitutes. I call this a Femdom scene based on what we know today about the male desire for female domination. However, Krafft-Ebing classified this as male masochism and believed it was an abnormal sexual desire. Interesting enough, Krafft-Ebing saw women as basically sexually passive, and recorded no female sadists or fetishists in his case studies. Behavior that would be classified as masochism in men was categorized as "sexual bondage" in women. 

So what are we to think about a highly regarded psychiatrist who believed that women did not enjoy sex? Time, education and the advancements in the field of psychiatry has proven Krafft-Ebing wrong in many of his diagnosis, including homosexuality and the male desire for female domination.  

To his credit, Krafft-Ebing was sincere in his pursuit to understand the correlation between the human mind and the human sex drive. Perversion can exist if the human mind is not sane. However, Krafft-Ebing had tunnel vision and he saw through the glass darkly. His research was flawed by categorizing genuine expressions of sexuality (such as Femdom) along side actual acts of perversion (such as necrophilia).  

Be that as it may, Bret Wood was intrigued by the fact that many people read Krafft-Ebing's book "Psychopathia Sexualis" not because they wanted to learn about mental illness. People of his day read his book because it was full of actual cases of sexual deviance. The Science community believed it to be a groundbreaking and important book but the general population read it for its shock value. Wood thought perhaps a 2006 audience would view it the same way.  

Despite this film's low budget, Wood's images are evocative. Wood seems fascinated by Krafft-Ebing's efforts to scientifically dissect and categorize the vagaries of carnal desire, but his larger point is elusive. There is some titillating imagery among the Victorian corsets and knickers in this erratic film. However, this is not an erotic film.  

There are scenes that are not for the squeamish, and I don’t mean that in a good S&M way. Stories of serial killers, psychopaths, male sadists who want to injure women and fringe fetishes (such as the man who pays a prostitute to stomp a chicken to death in front of him) are not a good mix with tales of forbidden yet erotic desires (Femdom, Lesbianism, etc). And that is the problem with both Krafft-Ebing's research and with Wood's film. Perhaps one or more of these stories would make an interesting movie in and of itself, but as a series of dramatizations, as seen through the eyes and analysis of Krafft-Ebing, the movie comes up short.  

For the readers of my blog, the best chapter in the film (Chapter 6 on the DVD) is the section on Masochism. Here you will witness a very brief scene of a woman whipping a man, emasculating him through what we today would call pony play, and trampling him by standing on his humbled body (the prostitute looking disinterested the entire time, playing to Krafft-Ebing's analysis that all women are passive and have no interest in such activities but are merely doing it for money).

This leads to the dramatization where three prostitutes at a brothel play out a fantasy scenario for a paying male client who desires to be dominated. The experienced prostitute admonishes the novice prostitute, “Follow my lead and don’t look at him, don’t say a word. And for God’s sake, whatever you do, don’t laugh”. (Again playing to the theme that women could not possibly enjoy dominating and controlling a man.)  

Once the male client is lying on the floor, eyes closed, the two women circle him (wearing corsets, fishnet stockings and ankle high leather boots) then proceed to stand on him, one at time and then both together, until he rings a bell to signify his unspoken safe word.

Next enters the third prostitute, dressed like Marie Antoinette in a wig, white corset, white boots and wearing a mask. The other women leave the room while the Antoinette figure begins to whip the male client with a dozen long-stem roses until he uses his safe signal by ringing his bell.
You might find this scene to be erotic but I doubt it. The client is made out to be a weirdo (and I might add a wimp since he rings his bell before his session has the chance to get interesting). Perhaps this Krafft-Ebing case study was undeniably of a peculiar man but I wonder what would Krafft-Ebing think today were he to browse the internet, where thousands of women are making a living offering professional domination be it over the phone or in person. Would he view the innumerable male clients of these women as all being worthy of his book? Imagine that, an immeasurable number of men just like Leopold von Sacher-Masoch? 

And what would he say of all of us dominant women that achieve sexual arousal and wet pussies when we are sexually dominating the men in our lives? Would he still hold to the belief that women are passive and have little interest in sex? 

I know I should not be too hard on Richard von Krafft-Ebing because he was living in a different time and in a different society. He was sincere in his research and he did groundbreaking work in the area of forensic psychology. He attempted to diagnose some very difficult and in some cases quite disturbing sexual acts. Freud was wrong in many of his theories as well but his work was still highly influential. The same can be said for Krafft-Ebing.
So what is my overall opinion of Bret Wood's attempt to make “Psychopathia Sexualis” into a film? I must confess that I found it to be a fascinating film to watch. I would not classify it as erotic or entertaining but it kept my attention for the nearly 100 minutes.  

It really comes down to your motivation for watching this film. If you want to be entertained or if you want to have your D&S senses aroused, you will be disappointed. However, if you are seeking an educational experience, to view fetishes through the mind of the famous Richard von Krafft-Ebing, you will probably find this film worthy of your time. For me, it's a split decision.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars


Thursday, May 8, 2014

The reopening of the Confinement Room

This past weekend hubby prepped the confinement room, mopping the rubber floor, washing down the rubber walls and ceiling, and cleaning my fetish clothes, whips and toys that were stored in there.  



The weather has finally warmed up enough that we can start using the room again. So last night, I locked James in the room for almost four hours after dinner. As I wrote before about the room, I really believe it is good for James to spend alone time in the confinement room. I notice a difference in him when he emerges after spending hours detained in there. Inside his little prison there are no distractions. There is no television or radio to occupy his mind. He must confront his thoughts. He must mediate on me. He must confront the truth about our marriage and my active social life that does not always include him.
It is precious to watch his facial expressions when I order him to be confined in his little dark, soundproof room with the rubber floor, the rubber walls and the rubber ceiling.

Summer is coming and the warmer weather means more use of the confinement room. It is a place I can physically discipline him by paddle or whip while he is bound to a wall.  
Or do some deprivation-play as he is in bondage via his wrist and ankle cuffs, tied by rope to the various hooks on the walls, ceiling and floor.

Perhaps gagged, perhaps blindfolded, perhaps with earplugs to add to the sensory deprivation. Perhaps with a butt plug or dildo securely inserted into his body.

Or just locked in there like a prison cell, as he was last night, free to move around the small space but still totally enveloped in the darkness and lack of sound, with only the smell of rubber from the walls and floor, mixed with the smell of leather, latex and PVC from my clothes that hang in there.


Then there is the technology. The intercom that I can communicate with him, if I choose, or force him to listen to what takes place in my bedroom, should I ever decide to bring someone else home with me some night. And there is the surveillance camera attached to the ceiling where I can view him from my laptop, tablet or iPhone. He has no idea when I might “spy” on him. The camera is infrared so I can see him even in the darkness.

Yes, I welcome the reopening of the confinement room.