Thursday, June 30, 2011

Female Supremacy

In addition to the D/s and sexual changes in my marriage, the dynamics outside the bedroom were just as profound. The first time I heard “female supremacy” was from Mistress Morgan (I found a few pictures of Morgan from when she had her site).



The following is more about our visit to see Morgan (from Elise Sutton’s book, “Female Domination”);

“We arrived at the restored Victorian residence which was located minutes from downtown Pittsburgh in a safe, upscale neighborhood. We made our way up the long staircase, rang the bell and Morgan's friendly face appeared around a half open door. She was stunningly beautiful with long black hair and big brown eyes. The inside of her place was clean, bright and spotless. Morgan wore a gorgeous one-piece black leather corset with buckles down the center. She also wore thigh-high black leather boots. This was the perfect outfit for my husband as he has an enormous leather fetish.
                   
Morgan had told me to bring along an outfit. I brought a short, sexy, black dress that exposed major cleavage. James had told me that I looked very dominant in this dress. Morgan showed me to her bathroom to change while she entertained James in her living room. Morgan had my husband strip totally naked and she placed some wrist and ankle cuffs on him. She made him sit on the floor of her living room awaiting my entrance. When I emerged in my tight dress, Morgan complimented me on how beautiful I looked. She invited me to sit on her couch and she asked me if I wanted James to sit next to me or did I prefer that he remain on the floor. This totally shocked me but I must say that the sight of my husband naked at the feet of two women did turn me on.

I made the decision that James had to remain on the floor. Morgan sat across from us and she took her time as she interviewed us about our past experiences and our future goals in the female domination lifestyle. After answering a series of her questions, I took another look at my husband. I loved seeing him in such a vulnerable state.”


It was during this conversation that Morgan told me that she was a female supremacist and that her boyfriend was not allowed to sit on the furniture without her permission. She got me to think in terms of me ‘owning’ James. She got me to think in terms of owning everything from James’ body to his time to his/our possessions. A simple act like sitting on the furniture was not to be taken for granted by my husband. This was a radical way of thinking to me but I liked it.

Morgan was the one who told me about Elise Sutton’s site. In those days Elise’s site was called “Elise Sutton’s Female Superiority Page”. Female Superiority? Female Supremacy? Did these women really believe they were superior to men?

Truth be told, I didn’t really believe I was superior to my husband or that women were superior to men. But the more I read Elise’s site, it made sense. She wasn’t advocating that women were inherently or genetically better than men. She was saying that women should be in authority over men because males needed female guidance in order to lead fulfilling lives.  She was saying it was her observation that men are happier when they are under female control. ‘Authority’ is a synonym of the word ‘superiority’ and ‘control’ is a synonym of the word ‘supremacy’. When you say ‘female authority’ and ‘female control’ that doesn’t sound as radical as ‘female superiority’ or ‘female supremacy’.

I began to institute this new way of thinking into my marriage. James was all for it because he had been fantasizing about being dominated by a woman since he was a boy. However, he soon found out that living this way was not all fun and games and orgasms. I never implemented the furniture restrictions but I began to require that he get my permission before he did almost anything. I also slowly required that he do more housework. He loved it at first but it became mundane. He found out that I could not dress up in fetish outfits every night and threaten him with a whip. That was totally unrealistic. James had to learn to do chores for me out of his devotion to me. He didn’t always respond to this way of thinking and that was a source of contention between us.

It’s like most things in life, on paper Elise’s philosophy was impeccable, but in practice it was not that easy. I equate it to learning a theory in college. Theory is just that. Realism is much different. That’s not a knock on Morgan or Elise or anyone else. I embraced most of what these women shared with me, and I will admit that the loving female authority philosophy improved my marriage and to a large extent improved my life, but there were pitfalls and I had to learn to adjust.

As much as I would have loved for my husband to do most of the household chores and the cooking, it was unrealistic to expect that out of a man who worked a job fifty to sixty hours a week. However, I was able to get him to help out more around the house, and that in itself was a major improvement, and I was able to get him programmed to ask my permission for what he used to take for granted. If he wanted to stop somewhere on his way home from work, he had to call and get my permission, and if I denied his request, he learned to obey me, even when he didn’t want to obey me. This was a major change in our marriage and I loved controlling my husband. I didn’t want to micromanage his life but I liked being in charge.

Did we have a female supremacy marriage? I think we did but only in that we viewed the wife as having the final say. I was never a dictator. I was more of an even-tempered boss of the marriage. In a future post I’ll talk about how I disciplined and punished my husband when he displeased me. We are slowly getting back to that place of female authority and female control within our marriage but we’re not there yet.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Live sessions

The first phone client who came to session with me in person was from Chicago. He was about my age, maybe a few years younger. He flew into Pittsburgh and drove to a resort about an hour from where I lived. I broke the news to my husband that I was going to be spending the entire day with this gentleman. All of my preparation and training were put to the test, and although I could tell he was hesitant, to his credit my husband submitted to my wishes.

I drove to the resort and met my client. We had exchanged photos and he was even better looking in person. He was very tall and handsome. I should also point out that he was single. We had lunch and established a comfort level. I had my husband call me every hour on my phone as an extra safety precaution. After lunch, my client and I went to his room where I changed into a leather outfit and he stripped naked.

My session with him mostly consisted of boot worship, ass worship/face sitting (with me being totally clothed), some c/b play and me spanking him. It lasted two hours, maybe a little longer. Afterwards, we hung out and went to dinner. I drove home that night and he flew home the next day. That one session cost him a pretty penny between airfare, renting a car, the hotel room, buying me lunch and dinner, and of course my financial tribute for the session.

But the best part of the session was this new power I had over my husband. I teased him for days, making him wonder whether or not I had sex with this guy (which I didn’t). When he asked, my answer was ‘what if I did, what business is it of yours?’ This was all part of getting my husband to become less jealous and to accept that I can do whatever I want, within limits naturally, and that he could trust me to always keep his best interests in mind while I was exploring my dominance. After a few days of teasing him I finally told my husband the truth.

The next client I met for an in-person session flew into Baltimore and got a hotel next to the airport. I had my husband drive me to this appointment and he had to wait in the car outside the hotel while I dommed this older gentleman. I don’t recall the exact details of that session but I remember that he was a little bit too frisky at first so I handcuffed his hands behind his back. But other than his initial enthusiasm when he first caught sight of me dressed in my fetish outfit, he was very sweet and we had a good session.


The next phone client that I agreed to meet in person was ten years younger and very good looking. He claimed he was well-endowed and had been used by a DC professional Mistress to cuckold her husband (while he watched). This client gave me the woman’s website address and I contacted her to verify if whether or not this was true. She told me it was.

Prior to meeting him, I got a lot of mileage out of this by teasing my husband during our personal FemDom sessions. I had my husband to the place where he was ready to accept being my cuckold, and I played it up for all it was worth, but the truth was I wasn’t ready yet. I loved playing the cuckolding mind games with my hubby and I loved how he was no longer jealous when I interacted with other men, be they submissive men over the phone, or be they live FemDom sessions, or be they men I met out at clubs when I went dancing with my sisters. I had even kissed a few men I had met at the clubs but I wasn’t yet comfortable doing anything beyond that. However, I knew agreeing to meet this particular phone client was going to be tempting.

This client wanted to be dominated and he wanted me to whip and punish his cock because, according to him, he had slept with too many women in his past. We talked about it during our phone calls and this is what he wanted. We met for dinner and there was instant and mutual attraction. Then he got a hotel room. I brought the outfit he wanted me to wear; my leather corset, a pair of tight leather shorts and my knee length leather boots. I also brought my light deerskin flogger.

I got dressed in my outfit and he stripped naked for me. I tied him face up on the bed and when he gained his full erection I saw that he was being truthful when he said he was well-endowed. I did some teasing and denial with him, getting him very excited, than I took my soft flogger and began to whip his cock. The session was so freaking hot. I whipped his cock with a rhythm that had him on the edge of orgasm. A few times I accidently got his balls squarely which hurt him enough that it broke the mood, but he bounced back immediately. He asked me to whip him faster and harder, which I did and he couldn’t hold back so he finally climaxed, shooting his ‘load’ way up in the air and it landed all over his chest. I was very, very aroused from this session.

I didn’t want to have sex with him but I needed sexual relief. I took off my leather shorts and I climbed on his face and had him orally pleasure me. He was very good at it and I came quickly.

The next time I dominated my husband, I was taking him with my strap-on when I broke the news to him that another man had eaten his wife’s pussy. He climaxed almost instantly. I knew then and there that I had my hubby trained to accept whatever I wanted to do with whomever I wanted to do it with, and deep down I knew he was enjoying this dynamic of our marriage.

So did I ever take a lover and make my hubby into a cuckold? I’ll let you know the answer to that question in a future post.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Cuckolding

When you become involved in a FemDom marriage, it’s almost inevitable that the topic of cuckolding will come up. The majority of the women I encountered in this lifestyle did not practice cuckolding, nor did they seem all that interested in doing so. But the men were a different story. A lot of my clients wanted to discuss it and a lot of the women in my chapter of ClubFEM said their husbands had brought up the subject with them.

I could relate because my husband was the first person I ever heard use the word cuckolding. The idea of cuckolding excited my husband and we would joke around about me dating other men. He had this fetish for cuckoldry but it was only a fantasy, so I would play along and tease him about it. The phone calls allowed me an opportunity to explore this fetish more as I increased the level of teasing.  Although I wasn’t dating my clients, I figured this would be appealing to my hubby because I was talking with other men about very intimate issues.

But to my surprise my husband became jealous of me doing phone calls, especially if I liked a particular client. That just goes to show that men sometimes just don’t know what they want. Some clients would send me gifts and cards. It was a real challenge for my husband to go to the mailbox and see cards and packages addressed to me with the words “For Kathleen’s eyes only!” He wanted to read the cards, but I wouldn’t let him. I suppose the possibility of dating another man was there, should I happen to find a client in whom I was interested, but I wasn’t looking. There were arguments over this and he received disciplinarian measures to deal with his jealousy. But all of that soon became a thing of the past. 

The next time cuckolding seriously entered into our conversation was when I was starting ClubFEM. I had to communicate with the Head Mistress of the national ClubFEM, Mistress Dee, and one night I called her on the phone to ask her a question and her husband answered and told me she was getting ready for her date. He put Dee on the phone and I said something like “I won’t keep you since you and your husband are getting ready to go out on a date.” Her reply to me was, “Gene can better answer your questions about ClubFEM because he handles the administration stuff. He’ll be here all night. I’m getting ready for a date with my boyfriend, not my husband.”

That proclamation made Dee late for her date because we spent the next 30 minutes on the phone talking about cuckolding and how it worked within her marriage. I was totally captivated. Naturally I told my husband and teased him mercilessly about it. For the first time I was interested in cuckolding. I thought to myself, “to kiss another man, to be intimate with another man while still being married to a faithful spouse, I could see me enjoying that kind of arrangement.”

I still kept it as fantasy talk between me and my husband, but the topic seemed to become more prevalent during our playtime. And my husband could tell there was a change in me when we discussed it. I was actually serious about it (if a perfect situation would present itself).

James had a hard time dealing with jealousy but there are ways of dealing with jealousy in the FemDom lifestyle that make it a moot point. I began to train him to accept whatever I wanted to do with whomever I wanted to do it with. I figured if we were going to truly have a FemDom marriage, jealousy could have no part in it.

The next training opportunity when it came to cuckolding was when a new couple joined my chapter of ClubFEM. They were a very attractive couple, she was tall and curvy and he was big and muscular. They both were really into fitness. I’ll call them Staci and Joe. Staci and I became friends and one night we were talking on the phone and she told me that her husband wanted her to cuckold him. She said it seemed as if that’s all he wanted to talk about during sex.

Staci didn’t want to do it because they had kids at home but one of their favorite things to do as a couple was to go out to a club and she would dance and flirt with men all night while her husband watched from a distance. Staci asked me if my husband and I wanted to join them the next time they did this. It sounded like fun so I agreed.

Since they had kids and couldn’t stay out real late, we agreed to meet them at a club in Baltimore, which was close to where they lived. Staci and I both dressed daringly and we acted like we were single gals on the prowl. Our husbands sat at a rear table and watched us all night.



According to James, Staci’s husband was really into it. Staci and I danced with a lot of guys. She was amazing as she bumped and grinded against her dance partners, giving her husband quite the show.

It took me a little time to warm up to the atmosphere of the club, but I think I did myself proud for a married woman who hadn’t done this in years. I even kissed this one guy on the dance floor which really tested my husband’s ability to suppress his jealousy. On the drive home he admitted to me that he became very aroused watching me flirt with other men. It was harmless fun although another important step in training my husband.

The next challenge was when a few of my phone clients wanted to “play with me” in person and were willing to travel to me and pay me for a live session. I originally became a phone Mistress as a potential training ground to becoming a professional Dominatrix. Therefore I decided to take that next step but only with a select few clients that I had been talking with for at least a year and in whom I was totally comfortable with.

I will discuss this in more detail and elaborate on my personal experience with cuckolding in future posts.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Mentors

Elise Sutton was my main mentor throughout my early years in FemDom but I also considered a woman by the name of Hillary to be a mentor as well because she offered a different twist on the lifestyle than Elise. Whenever I was struggling to understand something or needed to comprehend an idea in a different light, I could always turn to Hillary.

Another way that Hillary was helpful was just by sharing her wild and crazy stories with me. She gave me so many bright ideas and over the years I have incorporated numerous “Hillary originals” into my own playtime.

Hillary also has a strong women’s intuition. A couple years back I was struggling with some personal issues. I never mentioned them to her but somehow she picked up on them. The words she spoke into my life helped to turn the situation around and for that I will be eternally grateful.

One of my biggest thrills was when I got to meet my mentors face to face. When Elise began her e-zine, she asked me if I wanted to contribute. I declined at first but she persuaded me to be interviewed for one of the earliest issues. My interview ran in the February 2005 edition.

Hillary knew I was a big film buff and she came up with the idea for me to do a FemDom movie review for each issue. Elise loved the idea and that is how my movie review column came to be in “Predominant”.

There were four women that put together the early issues of the e-zine. In the autumn of 2005, Elise invited us all to Las Vegas to meet face to face and discuss the future of the e-zine. I had only met Elise on one other occasion. We met for dinner in 2003 at a restaurant in Georgetown. Meeting Hillary, Lilly, and Kay, along with their spouses, face to face in Las Vegas was a big thrill for me.


It was on this trip that we all went to see the kinky show “Fashionistas” at Krave nightclub, located on the side of the Aladdin Hotel and Casino (now Planet Hollywood) on Harmon Avenue. I reviewed the show for the December 2005 issue of “Predominant”.


I had other mentors in addition to Elise and Hillary. Mistress Dee of the Houston chapter of ClubFEM was very helpful to me on more than one occasion, and of course my good friend Mistress Alex of the DC chapter of ClubFEM always had nuggets of wisdom to pass along. But the sad thing is that I haven’t kept in contact with any of these women. That’s partly on me but I’ve noticed that this lifestyle is like that. You meet people, you become friends, you share many intimate details about your sex life with each other, but these relationships don’t seem to last.

The couples I met at ClubFEM came and went. You never knew who would show up again. There were so many people I met through this lifestyle. James and I even traveled and met other couples not associated with ClubFEM, and we would “play” with these people for one night, and it would be enjoyable, and we’d write back and forth in the days and weeks afterwards, or we’d talk on the phone, but then nothing. They’d just dropped out of sight, never to be heard from again.

I guess that’s to be expected when you’re dealing with such a private area of people’s lives. Some people were really weird about it but others, like Alex and Steve, were very open about it. I’m a very open person and I have no problem sharing my innermost being with others, but my husband is the opposite. I call him ‘secret agent man’ because he doesn’t want anyone to know our business, and I’m not just talking about our sex life. He doesn’t want others to know anything about his personal life.

Nonetheless, we all need mentors. We all need knowledge. We all need someone we can go to when we have questions. The Internet is a great source but you never really know who is on the other end of that website, blog, or e-mail. It’s nice to have relationships with people you trust, even if they are cyber relationships. And it’s nice to have mentors.


Saturday, June 25, 2011

ClubFEM (Females Enslaving Males)

By 2002, I was seeking to make friends within the lifestyle for support, education, friendship, etc. Try as I might to find a group that was a good fit for me, I kept turning up empty-handed. Then I remembered the woman I had met at the BR-2000. She was the one who mentioned ClubFEM.

Females Enslaving males (ClubFEM) was started in late 1992 in Houston, Texas by a FemDom couple, Mistress Dee and her husband/slave Gene. I contacted ClubFEM and they convinced me to start my own chapter as they lacked a branch in the Mid-Atlantic.

The first step was to build a website. I was fortunate in that I was able to pattern my website after the ClubFEM website from the national branch in Houston. They had already established club rules and club protocol and I was able to copy their model for my chapter. I simply posted the ClubFEM rules and protocol on my site, along with a little biographical data about myself. Elise Sutton was kind enough to post a link to my site and in a matter of weeks I began to receive e-mails from couples in southern Pennsylvania, Maryland, Washington DC and Northern Virginia who were interested in joining a group like ClubFEM. It was heartening to see that so many other people were interested in the female domination lifestyle.

I began to set up meetings with each couple that were interested in joining ClubFEM. Initially, my husband and I met each couple separately for dinner at an agreed upon restaurant so we could verify that they were compatible with my vision for a female domination support group. This proved to be slow going as it was difficult to work all of these interview meetings into my schedule. The other major challenge that I faced was finding a place to host the ClubFEM socials.


I had contacted a few Pro Dommes in the Baltimore and DC metro areas and I inquired about using their dungeons to hold a monthly social. Unfortunately most Pro Dommes need their place on the weekend so that did not materialize. Next, I contacted a couple of commercial dungeon/play spaces about renting a place for our ClubFEM socials. This did not pan out either because of the cost and we didn’t have enough couples to make it affordable. I didn’t want ClubFEM to be a financial strain on our members.

In the course of trying to locate a suitable play space, some of the couples we had met with and who were gung-ho about joining, dropped out of sight. One couple moved away, another couple became active in the Black Rose and another couple simply developed cold feet. I began to realize why there were no female domination groups in the Maryland/DC area. But just about the time I was ready to give up I received more e-mails from couples who were interested in joining. I talked with some of the ladies on the phone and I could see that there was a real enthusiasm and a real need for a female domination group.

This time I decided that instead of meeting each couple one on one, I would hold a ‘Meet and Greet’ in the backroom of a centrally located restaurant. Anyone who wanted to join ClubFEM would have to attend this Meet and Greet.

I booked the room, set the date and crossed my fingers. To my delight, we had a packed house and every couple exceeded my expectations. I knew right away that this was going to be a great group. The women were intelligent, sharp and attractive and the men were dedicated to their women. I had never expected such an upwardly mobile group of people at a gathering for an alternative lifestyle.

The Meet and Greet went splendidly as we all shared with each other how we got involved in the female domination lifestyle and we tossed back and forth some ideas about where we could host our ClubFEM gatherings. I explained the costs involved with renting a commercial dungeon/play space or a hotel suite. The group agreed that neither setting was what they desired. Finally, toward the end of the Meet and Greet, a couple offered their home. They lived in Northern Virginia, close to Dulles Airport. It would be a lengthy drive for some of the couples but it was unanimous that everyone was willing to cover the distance once a month in order to be a part of ClubFEM.


The couple that so kindly offered to host the monthly socials was Mistress Alex and her submissive hubby, Steve. My husband and I would soon become close friends with these wonderful people. Not only did they open their home to host ClubFEM, but they also offered for my husband and I to spend the night, since we had the longest drive. It was during these times of staying over after ClubFEM, and having breakfast the following morning, that we developed a special relationship with Alex and Steve.

ClubFEM was a hit from the start as every couple that attended the Meet and Greet showed up for the first social at Alex and Steve’s home. The women socialized in the living room while the men cooked and prepared dinner. The men served the women by filling our drink glasses and once dinner was ready, the men served the women first before they were able to partake. What a wonderful social reversal this was. How many times I had attended church and community functions where the women congregated to the kitchen to prepare food while the men socialized. But at the ClubFEM socials the women did the socializing and the men were the servers.

Each week the socials followed a similar format. The first half of the social was about socializing, building relationships, sharing ideas and stories, and having the more experienced among us answer any questions that were asked by the newcomers to the female domination lifestyle. It was truly a support group. After we ate, following the tradition of the other ClubFEM chapters, I would call ‘Protocol’ and the real fun began.

During the first couple of socials, some people struggled with the second half of our ClubFEM socials because they had never been around a room full of women dressed in fetish attire while the men were practically naked with the exceptions of their slave collars, wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and only a thong or chastity device or a pair of panties. It was perfectly understandable that a few of the women were uneasy. After all, for ninety minutes you are sitting with a group of people dressed in street clothes; chatting, laughing, and behaving like any other group of friends or associates would in a domestic setting. Then in a matter of minutes, this same group of people are now sitting in the same room but the entire setting has been transformed as the women are wearing leather and the men are collared and on leashes.


For some people, it took a few socials before they totally overcame their anxiety, and sadly two couples never did return. But on the whole, the group was a smashing success. Most people came month in and month out and our membership continued to grow as new couples were joining.

For each social a theme is agreed upon ahead of time by the members such as Show and Tell, Medical Exam, Contests, Special Guest Speaker, etc. These plays times can last for a couple hours before people begin filtering out and heading home. Again, the idea was to have fun but to also learn from each other, be accountable to each other, be available for those experiencing problems or who have questions about the lifestyle, etc.

When it was possible, some people would hang around afterwards and engage in chit chat, getting to know one another better. Relationships were what my chapter of ClubFEM was all about.

I always enjoyed our Show and Tell nights the best because everyone got to participate. It was great to watch the Dommes getting excited about their toys as they described how they used them on their submissives when they were at home.

Another fantastic social was the night all the Dommes wore strap-ons around their waists and the subs took turns being used by all the women at once. One of the ladies (usually the wife or girlfriend) took the sub from behind while another Mistress made him suck her dildo and still another Mistress was verbally abusing the poor soul while striking him with whatever tool of discipline she had in her hand at the time. I think every man that night went into subspace.


But my lasting memory from that night was when Mistress Alex ‘took’ her slave husband Steve in every room in the house while the rest of us ladies followed them and watched. She ‘took’ him over the couch in the living room, she ‘took’ him over the dining room table, she ‘took’ him over the kitchen counter top, she ‘took’ him on her bed, and when they walked from room to room, the dildo never left her strap-on and it never left his rectum. They walked in perfect rhythm together.

Another great night was when we had the Pro Domme, Mistress Tyler from DC, as our guest speaker. She was awesome and spent nearly two hours speaking to us and demonstrating various techniques she uses on her clients. Each time she did a demo a different sub volunteered to be her victim, um, assistant.


Our group flourished for a couple of years but unfortunately, like all good things, nothing stays the same. Alex and Steve had to move abroad for Steve’s career so we had to find a new place to host our socials. I organized another Meet and Greet at a downtown Baltimore restaurant and during the changeover we lost some couples but we gained many new people, including a dynamic single woman named Lisa.

One of the new couples that attended the Meet and Greet offered their home for the next ClubFEM social. It was exciting to have a new venue with so many new people in attendance. That social was another great time as we did Show and Tell and some of the demonstrations included rope bondage, Queening (with the help of the host couple’s personal Queening chair), feminization and male chastity. I think everyone had a great time.

It was during this period of time that I decided to hand the reigns of the group over to someone else. I chose Lisa and she has done some wonderful new things with the group. The group became known as the DC Metro chapter of ClubFEM. There was also a Baltimore chapter, so what was once one group in the MD/DC/VA area became two groups.

We stayed members of Lisa’s group for the first year but we rarely attended because of the distance. Eventually we stopped going all together. Today there are nineteen chapters of ClubFEM in existence in the US and Canada.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Phone Mistress

In 2001, I had become very excited about FemDom and at the same time I was a bit burned out in my career, therefore I was thinking of alternatives. Meeting women like Morgan, Fawn and Brianna (all of whom were professional Dommes) made me contemplate this potential career choice. I was counseling with Elise Sutton so I sought her guidance as to how to go about doing that.

Elise suggested that I first try my hand at being a Phone Mistress. She put me in touch with a national organization, PEP (People Exchanging Power), and its founder Nancy Ava Miller. I talked to Nancy over the phone and she sent me two books to read. One was titled “Some Women” by Laura Antoniou and the other was a book on how to engage in erotic sex talk (I can’t remember the exact title of this book).


After I read the books, I talked with Nancy again about becoming one of her phone counselors. I liked Nancy a lot and she was primarily about helping people who were trying to understand their D/s urges. But she made one statement that bothered me. She told me in order to be a really successful phone Dominatrix I had to learn to get the male aroused during the call so he would extend the conversation which would allow me to charge him more. I understood where she was coming from as a business woman but this didn’t quite sit well with me. Another problem was Nancy wanted a full-time commitment from me. I was too busy with my career to give her that kind of commitment.

It just so happened that shortly after that, Elise started her own telephone service. She was looking for women who had the right blend of dominance but who also possessed a morality whereby the phone counselor truly cared about the well-being of her clients. Elise started with me and two other women. We didn’t do phone domination. We felt there were enough services out there that provided that. Our emphasis was more on pointing a client in the right direction as it relates to this lifestyle.


Most of my clients were married men or men who were seeking to be in a committed relationship with a dominant woman. Their number one question was usually “How can I get my wife/girlfriend to embrace FemDom?” And a close runner up second question was “Am I really submissive and can you help me figure that out?”

I was all about happy marriages and because of what FemDom had done for my marriage, I could relate to these clients. I knew what these people were going through and I could offer practical advice for their situations because I had been there.

The psychoanalysis Elise Sutton offers on her website was such a turning point in my marriage. That is what I used as a starting tool for my phone calls. I performed the analysis on my clients as it gave me a lot of information in a short period of time. From there I was able to access where this person was at in his life and in his submission and after I was done with the questions and answers I was able to give him advice on where to go from there.

The other two women quit doing the calls after the first year but I did phone calls for close to five years, and what I learned was invaluable. I can’t speak for submissive men everywhere but those who were drawn to Elise Sutton’s site (all of my clients found me through her site) seemed to be of a certain breed. These were men who were desperate for Loving Female Authority and most of them would go to the ends of the earth to attain it.

This revelation astounded me because I had always thought of men as the more intellectual of the two genders. But now here I was speaking to men on the phone, total strangers, whom I could wrap around my finger at just the suggestion of Female Dominance.

As you can imagine, I was quite surprised and taken aback by this. It made me feel more desirable than I had ever felt in my life. I also felt powerful and energized like nothing could stop me. And it also made me wonder if there were men in my circle of friends, co-workers, community who might feel the same way and perhaps might even secretly look at me like this. It was very empowering.

I began doing little tests during the course of my everyday life and I was very pleased with the results. I became more aggressive and demanding with all men I came in contact with. I no longer took any guff off any man, even those who had authority over me. The results were surprisingly optimistic. It was true. Most men do not know how to handle or react to a woman who stands up for herself and demands to have things her way.

This was also true in my personal life with my husband. Although he was submissive to me, I had thought there was a line I should not cross. But my phone calls changed all that. I became bolder with my husband. I started to push his limits like never before. And to my amazement, he liked it.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My initial claim to FemDom fame

As I mentioned in my last post, I broke out my old FemDom book collection that was stored away in a trunk in my closet. Two books I found in there were Elise Sutton’s “Female Domination” and “The FemDom Experience”. Did you know I was in both books? In “Female Domination” my husband and I are in chapter four. We are Kathy and James and if you have that book you can read about how I got started in FemDom and all about our session with Mistress Morgan.




I’d forgotten about some of the details. Here’s an excerpt;

“Next, we moved to the larger of the two rooms.  Morgan tied James, bent over this padded horse. His behind was vulnerable, exposed and sticking up in the air.  Morgan began to teach me how to whip a man. We both disciplined him. I really enjoyed this as having someone else join in with you validates your own actions and desires in some way. We used various types of whips and paddles and she ended his discipline with her showing me her favorite activity, caning a man. My husband’s ass was all red from having two women go at it. My husband can be a wimp at times, like how he whined when she put the nipple clamps on him. But I must say that my husband can take a good paddling and whipping across his buttocks. When Morgan used the cane, however, he jerked and let out a scream. It was priceless. He would squirm to try to avoid each strike of her cane but to no avail.


Finally, it was my turn. Morgan showed me how to place the cane against his butt and then bring it back slowly before striking it with a flick of my wrist. I loved the sound of the cane swishing through the air and the stinging sound of it making contact with my husband’s flesh. I have never entertained any sort of sadistic desires in my entire life. I am a kind woman who loves to hug and kiss people and animals. However, something was definitely unleashed within me as I whipped and caned my husband that day. I found myself getting aroused as I caned him. My husband was relieved when we finally released him from his bonds. His cute butt was a nice shade of pink and red with a few stripes of dark red from the cane.

I had one more surprise for him before we left. Morgan asked me if there was anything else I wanted to try before our session ended. I knew that James had this fantasy of being humiliated by me in front of another woman. So I asked Morgan if I could dominate my husband in front of her.

I didn’t know that I had it in me but I ordered James to his knees in my most bitchy and demanding voice. I began to verbally humiliate him in front of Morgan as I told him what a worm he was and how our marriage relationship was going to change. I told him that I was taking over and I would call the shots from here on out because he wasn’t man enough to make decisions. As I was berating him, I grabbed one of Morgan’s whips and I struck his sore ass sharply. I then ordered James to lick and kiss my shoes and to grovel before Morgan and I. James snapped right to it and for the first time during our session with Morgan, he had a total erection. I was touching something within him and I knew I was on to something here. I made James confess his place in our marriage by confessing to Morgan how I was superior to him and how he was going to be my servant. I could tell that Morgan was impressed with my performance.”


That was all true. Morgan was wonderful. She gave me her phone number and said I could call her anytime. I regret not staying in touch with her. She recommended a great fetish store in Pittsburgh called the Outer Skin. We used to visit the place every time we made it to Pittsburgh so I could buy more outfits and toys. In the early part of the last decade I asked the owner about Morgan because her website had disappeared. He said he heard she had moved to Chicago. I remembered that Morgan told us that her submissive boyfriend lived in Chicago so she must have moved to be close to him. They were both lawyers. Morgan was so sweet. I hope all is well with her.

In Elise’s second book “The FemDom Experience” I shared my experiences with getting the Maryland/DC chapter of ClubFEM off the ground.



The other interesting nugget about “The FemDom Experience” was the chapter on a group called ‘The May/December Society’. I had never heard of this group prior to reading Elise’s book. They listed their contact information in the Appendix and on a crazy whim, I contacted them. The May/December society was part cougar (older women hooking up with younger men) and part cuckolding group. I actually attended one of their socials. I’ll share the details of that most interesting experience in a future post. I’ve heard that the May/December Society has since folded but I have to give those gals credit for attempting a very novel idea.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Memories of my first BDSM event

In 2000, I attended my first public BDSM event. I attended the annual Black Rose weekend (BR-2000) that was held in Washington DC. I didn’t know a soul but I wanted to network myself since all my contacts up to that point had mainly been over the internet.

The BR-2000 was held at two hotels, a Ramada and a Best Western. They took over both places and they ran shuttle buses back and forth. The Ramada was the main hotel but they had classes and play parties at both locations. The dungeon area they set up at the Ramada was huge, something like 22,000 square feet. They had a smaller dungeon at the Best Western, which is where we stayed.

Elise Sutton arranged it so I got an invitation to a Mistress meet-and-greet on the opening Friday night of the BR-2000. The meet-and-greet was held in the backroom of a Chesapeake Bay Seafood House, which was across the street from the Ramada. I sat next to a woman from Baltimore, the beautiful Mistress Fawn.



Later that weekend I ran into her at one of the play parties and she introduced me to the two men she had brought with her to the BR-2000, her cuckold and her boyfriend. Her cuckold was an older, very distinguished looking gentleman. Her boyfriend was young. He looked like he could have been in college. I was very impressed with Mistress Fawn.

Saturday and Sunday I signed up for a few classes convincing myself that some BDSM education would be good. And it was. The classes were very informative and the people were friendly. At night they had play parties and the dungeons were full of sights and sounds that up until that time, I had only imagined.

For the entire event I remained but a spectator as I was in too much shock to even think of participating. I had my share of submissive men who came up to me, wanting me to play with them, but other than allowing a man with a foot fetish to worship my feet, I remained a spectator.

After each outing that weekend when I went back to my hotel room, I tried to gather my thoughts about what I had seen, but to no avail. In fact, when the weekend was over and my husband and I were traveling in the car back home, we remained in stunned silence practically the whole way. I guess the only way to describe it was a total culture shock. Funny because a lot of things that I had seen during the weekend, I was participating in some of those activities behind closed doors at my home. But to see strangers doing it so openly and blatantly was the shocker for a beginner.

I made a few acquaintances at the BR-2000. Mistress Brianna of Washington DC was especially nice and helpful to me.


We even discussed meeting for dinner the next time she drove through my town on her way to the ski slopes. I exchanged numbers and e-mail addresses with both Brianna and Fawn. I communicated with them via e-mail but we never set up anything in concrete.  

Probably the biggest happening for me at the BR-2000 was a woman I met at the leather market, which was the retail and vendor area where you could buy fetish clothing and toys. One of the vendors sold corsets and as I was browsing through the gorgeous inventory of corsets, the woman running the booth struck up a conversation with me.

I confessed to her that the weekend was a little overwhelming and she communicated to me how she prefers smaller, more intimate groups over the larger fetish and BDSM conventions. This woman ensued to tell me about small FemDom groups that were starting to form around the country. The groups were called ClubFEM (Females Enslaving Males). I initiated contact with the main headquarters of this group and since there were no groups in my area, the FemDom couple who started ClubFEM (Dee and Gene) talked me into starting my own chapter.

I was the Head Mistress of the Maryland/DC Chapter of ClubFEM for two years. Those were exciting times and we had a wonderful group of FemDom couples. I will share some of my favorite ClubFEM memories in future posts.  

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Back in the saddle again

Most of my play sessions with my husband have always involved some form of body worship. I love the idea of being put on a pedestal and worshipped by my man. I also enjoy hitting all of his trigger points which for my husband involves a lot of teasing and denial, some form of c/b play and face-sitting. Constantly reminding him of his place in our relationship and his place in general is also a big hit with him and drives him into subspace immediately.

Discipline sessions begin slowly and erotically. I usually start with my hand and then progress to a light flogger or two. After his bottom is warmed up and he is slowly going under my spell, I break out the heavy duty items such as my Spencer’s paddle, Tawse, Cat O’Nine and possibly a cane or two.

I have more of what you’d call an eclectic collection of pieces when it comes to my fetish wardrobe. I really like my leather corset which I enjoy wearing with a leather skirt or pair of leather shorts. And I have a pair of knee length boots that lace up the back which are my favorites.

My husband has a strong leather fetish and actually, all I have to do is put on a pair of leather pants and have him simulate oral servitude. The taste and smell of the leather takes him into subspace and once he is at that place, I will have him remove my pants and then real body worship will commence.



However, a few years back we hit some bumps and I went into my wilderness period where I didn’t feel like dominating him. Coming off of that has been difficult.

Recently, James and I had our first "real" D/s session in some time. It was awkward and frustrating. I thought “do I really want to start back into this?” My first problem was finding an outfit to wear. James is very visually oriented and he has a strong leather fetish. I got myself into the best shape of my life during our first go around with this lifestyle but I’ve gained a little weight and few of my old outfits were fitting me.

"Ugggh! Screw this!", I thought. My bedroom was a mess. I had thrown leather clothes all over the place looking for an outfit that fit comfortably. I finally settled on a leather bra, a leather thong, a pair of knee high leather boots and my favorite pair of elbow length leather gloves. I was exhausted from just getting dressed.

Do you guys have any idea how time-consuming it is for the woman to dress for sex? D/s is really the bizarro world (the opposite) from the vanilla world. In the vanilla world, people undress to have sex. I have to dress up to have sex. That can be a royal pain so keep that in mind the next time you want to be dominated by your Mistress. She goes through a lot of trouble preparing for a D/s session. You better appreciate her.

Once I was dressed, I called James into the room. He took off his clothes and he got an immediate erection. He worshipped my boots and I began to relax enough to enjoy it (a little). I allowed him to perform body worship. He must have really missed licking leather because he was more interested in licking my boots, my thong and my gloves than he was kissing my skin.

I had him lay across the bed and I administered my first hard discipline session to James in some time. I started with a flogger. He made the request that he wanted to be spanked over my lap. I agreed so I sat on the edge of the bed and James climbed across my lap. I spanked him with my gloved hand and a leather paddle. James squirmed almost immediately. It was obvious that he had not been spanked in a while. His buttocks were very sensitive so I took it easy on him.

After his spanking, I ordered him to resume with the body worship. I took off my bra and thong. To be honest, I wasn’t all that excited. My frustration from finding an outfit that fit me carried over into our D/s session. But as James began to worship my body, I gained enough arousal to enjoy it. It took him awhile but he was finally able to bring me to orgasm with his tongue.

Since it’s been awhile, I decided to be nice and give him some sexual relief. I asked him how he wanted his orgasm. He said against my breasts. He lied on the bed and I rubbed my breasts against his penis. When he told me he was ready, I gave him the order, “DO IT!” He climaxed on my command. I told him to savor it because his orgasms will remain rare.

Overall, it was just like old times. The session was not all that great and we’ve got a ways to go to recapture that old D/s magic, but at least I’m back in the saddle again.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Beginnings

Some who find this blog might recognize me from my past FemDom life. I was a phone Mistress for five years and I dabbled a bit in the world of professional Domination. I was also active in a FemDom group for the better part of three years. And I still actively write a column for a FemDom e-zine. But more on all of that a bit later.

Going back to 1998, I felt I needed to learn about Female Domination from an experienced dominant woman. Since I didn’t know of any, I decided that I needed to visit a professional Dominatrix. My husband had visited a couple of Pro Dommes prior to marrying me and he recommended a reputable Dominatrix with whom he once had a session but I didn’t want to be influenced by him. Therefore, I chose a Dominatrix based on my own research. I found a woman in Pittsburgh. Mistress Morgan advertised welcoming couples which was a major selling point for me. I sent her a polite e-mail introducing myself and informing her of what it was I was looking for out of someone in her line of work. She promptly replied to my letter and graciously gave me her telephone number along with the best times to call her. When we talked on the telephone, I knew she was the one. What sold me on her was when she informed me that she was a Lawyer who did Professional Domination on the side.

We made the trip to Pittsburgh and I learned a lot from Morgan that day and it was she who recommended I read Elise Sutton’s website. After the session I was extremely motivated to get serious about this lifestyle. In fact, Morgan gave us the address to a fetish store in her area and we stopped on our way home to purchase some toys and some new fetish outfits for me.


Over the next several weeks and months, I didn’t just read Elise Sutton’s site, I devoured it. I decided to do Elise’s “Psychoanalysis of the submissive male” on my husband. It was an eye-opening experience. I wrote to Elise to inquire about her advertised “other procedures”. We did one per week for like thirty weeks and that was the main source of my early education into the world of FemDom. When I learned that what I did in the bedroom could change my husband’s behavior outside the bedroom, I was hooked.

During this time, I wrote to Elise with some of my questions. She offered personal counseling (for a fee). From those correspondences, a relationship formed between us. That relationship led to me becoming one of her associates. That started me on an incredible journey for the next ten years.

Then came a death in my family and I shelved the whole lifestyle for over two years (other than continuing to write my column). My marriage remained strong but it was hard on my husband, who still had his wife but he had lost his Mistress. I didn’t know when or if I could ever venture back into a FemDom lifestyle. In many ways, we’ve started over at square one, and I believe that’s a good thing.

In the weeks and months ahead, I plan on sharing some of my past experiences and the insights I gained from those experiences.

Introduction


Hello, this is my first entry into the blogosphere. I initially became involved in the FemDom lifestyle back in 1998, but I knew about the lifestyle in a roundabout way since 1991. I’m currently in my mid 40's. I am married and have been married for nineteen years with no children.  My husband told me about D/s even before we were married. It was a fascinating subject and I had lots of questions for him. But I truly thought it was just a passing phase. However, he brought up the subject again after we were married. By then I realized he was serious about having this be a part of our sex life. 

I thought “what kind of man have I married?” I wondered why he needed this to be happy. It was all very perplexing to me. But in spite of my reservations, I had the desire to make my marriage work. That’s what initially motivated me to keep an open mind about his ‘kinks’.

FemDom was contrary to how I was raised. I had this set family model in mind when I got married and when my husband wanted to alter that, it was confusing to me. It took some time for me to work through the religious, morality and social issues because of what I was taught by society. FemDom definitely appealed to me as a woman but I had to settle these other issues in my heart in order to embrace it. I guess that is why I kept telling myself that I was doing this for my husband, when in fact a part of me wanted this for myself.

By nature, I have a very selfish streak. I really like getting things my way.  This lifestyle lends itself to that personality trait like nothing else I know. In fact, my husband was always encouraging me to become more selfish (as if that was possible). FemDom definitely appealed to that part of my personality that likes to have its way.


I soon discovered that the more selfish I was with my husband the more “selfless” I actually was because my selfishness was a huge turn-on for my husband and that drove him deeper to the place that he just loves to go to. I lived my whole life trying not to be so selfish (even when I wanted to be) and all of a sudden I found myself married to a man who loved it when I was selfish. He wanted me to be the center of his Universe. He wanted to pamper me and give himself to me but in order for it to be enjoyable for him, I needed to be demanding and selfish. I needed to be a Bitch. He would even encourage me to “be the Bitch”. I could tell this excited him in an odd way.

FemDom probably saved my marriage. I know that sounds corny but it’s true. Not that I believe I would be divorced today if it weren’t for FemDom. But I don’t think my marriage would be in as great a shape. Like a lot of couples we were growing apart. The passion had gone out of our marriage and we were becoming just good friends. But FemDom restored the passion, it restored the trust, it gave us something to look forward to.

Female Domination began as a way to spice up our sex life. Or at least that’s what I thought, but as time wore on, my husband began mentioning things like wanting to be my slave. It wasn’t long before I realized there was more to this kink than met the eye.

After about seven years of playing on and off, I decided if I was to give this lifestyle a serious chance I needed to a) Be good at it and, b) Get something out of it for myself.

The first thing I did was take my husband to a Pro Domme so that she could teach me how to do things right. I found her on line. She said she was a Female Supremacist and that was the first time I had ever heard that term. This woman was beautiful and sophisticated. She was intelligent and was actually a Lawyer who was a Pro Domme on the side. Practicing law was her career, dominating men professionally was her hobby.

Meeting her and equating such an intelligent and beautiful woman with the term Female Supremacist really got my juices flowing and I thirsted to know more. It was the Pro Domme that told me about Elise Sutton’s website. She recommended I read that it over because she felt a lot of my questions were addressed on the site.

I corresponded with Elise Sutton via e-mail for a few years and later we exchanged phone numbers and eventully we met in person. Elise taught me things like taking pride in being a female. This was meshed together with dominating my husband and doing my own social research. It was quickly evident to me that women had it “all over” men and not just sexually. Of course, that is usually how it starts out. In the beginning, it’s the woman’s sexual appeal that attracts the male but an intelligent woman knows how to use ALL her womanly wiles to get what she wants out of a man, even as he knows perfectly well what she is doing, yet allowing her to do it anyway.

That was the real beginning of my personal journey into the world of FemDom. My journey led me to becoming a phone Mistress for a few years and I even tried my hand at professional Domination. I later became the Head Mistress for the Maryland/DC chapter of ClubFem.

It’s been an interesting ride, these past two decades, with many ups and downs. This blog will be my way of sharing what I have learned about this lifestyle. I hope my experiences (past and present) will benefit others.