The importance of legally protecting yourself in this lifestyle

I received an e-mail from a woman who asked a most important question. “Do you ever fear that your husband might have a change of heart about being a cuckold and in the process suing you for divorce on the grounds of adultery?”

I probably should have covered this before now but thanks to the wise advice of my mentors many years ago, James and I took some steps in order to provide me with legal protection should an unforeseen or unfortunate accident occur during a D&S session, or should my hubby choose to divorce me (which he would tell you will never happen because he is madly in love with me).

I have in my possession (and my attorney has copies in sealed envelopes) three signed handwritten letters from James. In the first letter, he confesses that our D&S lifestyle is a mutually agreed upon lifestyle. James makes it perfectly clear that he introduced this lifestyle to me, that I was a reluctant partner at first, but he persuaded me that he needed this in order to obtain sexual and emotional fulfillment. He says that in his eyes, I do this for him.

In the letter he admits that he encourages me to spank him, whip him, engage in sadomasochistic practices and adhere to a dominance and submission lifestyle where he willfully submits to me. The letter makes it perfectly clear that James not only consents to all that we do, but he emboldens me. The letter also mentions how we have tried our best to become educated about all health and safety issues but we both understand that some of these activities are physical by nature with some risks, yet James still consents to these activities and encourages me to practice them on him.

We did this letter prior to us embracing cuckolding. Once James became my cuckold, I had him write a second letter where he made it clear that he consents to and encourages my sexual affairs with others as a part of our D&S lifestyle. James confesses that he gains sexual arousal from me being with other partners, and as a result he encourages me to be with other partners. Once again, it is all consensual and in his eyes, I do this for him.

The third letter involves our finances. Right now, James’ paychecks are direct-deposited into an account that only I have access. I keep James on an allowance and he must gain my permission if he needs any extra funds. There are other financial dynamics to our marriage that I do not wish to share on this blog but they involve our other possessions, our house, bank accounts and investments. In the letter James consents to our financial arrangement and what he is entitled to should we ever separate or get divorced. All I will say is that our financial arrangement heavily favors me, and at the same time affords him some protection. We also have a Will. James has consented to all of this.

With all three letters, I had a witness present when James signed them. And as an added layer of protection, it was a different witness each time. In other words, the person who witnessed James sign the cuckolding confession was different than the person who witnessed him signing the first letter, who was different than the person who witnessed him signing the financial letter. So nobody could ever accuse me of colluding with another person. The financial letter was accompanied with a legal document drawn up by our attorney involving our finances. My attorney is a woman that knows we practice an alternative lifestyle but as far as I know, she is not involved with the lifestyle. She does not know all the details of our lifestyle but she has enough knowledge to provide legal counsel and she has in her possession copies of James’ letters of consent.

Is this all necessary? Definitely for the finances. The other letters are not so much legal documents but are there to protect me should something unfortunate happen. Say, God forbid, James had a heart attack during an intense D&S session, or say something went wrong and he ended up in an emergency room. Another e-mail I received was a man who warned me against spanking James’ balls too hard because I might severely injure one of his testicles. He said the hospital might inform law enforcement. That’s why I have the letters. Even in 2014, where there are all kinds of alternative lifestyles, some people might not understand. I have a friend who works at a hospital in San Francisco and you should hear about some of the patients who come in.

One guy came in with a wine bottle stuck up his ass. Another guy came in with nails that were hammered into his cock and balls and when the Mistress tried to pull them out, one of them caused a bad injury. You can just imagine what goes on out there.

We try our best to practice safe, sane and consensual but accidents do happen. So if you practice this lifestyle, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have your sub handwrite a consent letter. Even if you don’t want to have someone witness him signing the letter or even if you don’t want to involve an attorney, it’s not a bad idea to have a letter from your submissive in your possession so you can prove that this lifestyle is consensual. And if you are married and practice cuckolding, I would definitely recommend a letter where your husband admits that he has consented to you having sex with others.

Most submissive husbands will find the exercise of writing the letter and signing the letter in your presence to be very exciting. James had a noticeable hard-on when he wrote the first letter. It is in a way an exercise in humiliation, to confess to society, if need be, about his willful submission to his wife. Slave contracts have always been popular within the worlds of BDSM and D&S. Consent letters are kind of like a slave contract only more official.

Memories of my first BDSM event

In 2000, I attended my first public BDSM event. I attended the annual Black Rose weekend (BR-2000) that was held in Washington DC. I didn’t know a soul but I wanted to network myself since all my contacts up to that point had mainly been over the internet.

The BR-2000 was held at two hotels, a Ramada and a Best Western. They took over both places and they ran shuttle buses back and forth. The Ramada was the main hotel but they had classes and play parties at both locations. The dungeon area they set up at the Ramada was huge, something like 22,000 square feet. They had a smaller dungeon at the Best Western, which is where we stayed.

Elise Sutton arranged it so I got an invitation to a Mistress meet-and-greet on the opening Friday night of the BR-2000. The meet-and-greet was held in the backroom of a Chesapeake Bay Seafood House, which was across the street from the Ramada. I sat next to a woman from Baltimore, the beautiful Mistress Fawn.

Later that weekend I ran into her at one of the play parties and she introduced me to the two men she had brought with her to the BR-2000, her cuckold and her boyfriend. Her cuckold was an older, very distinguished looking gentleman. Her boyfriend was young. He looked like he could have been in college. I was very impressed with Mistress Fawn.

Saturday and Sunday I signed up for a few classes convincing myself that some BDSM education would be good. And it was. The classes were very informative and the people were friendly. At night they had play parties and the dungeons were full of sights and sounds that up until that time, I had only imagined.

For the entire event I remained but a spectator as I was in too much shock to even think of participating. I had my share of submissive men who came up to me, wanting me to play with them, but other than allowing a man with a foot fetish to worship my feet, I remained a spectator.

After each outing that weekend when I went back to my hotel room, I tried to gather my thoughts about what I had seen, but to no avail. In fact, when the weekend was over and my husband and I were traveling in the car back home, we remained in stunned silence practically the whole way. I guess the only way to describe it was a total culture shock. Funny because a lot of things that I had seen during the weekend, I was participating in some of those activities behind closed doors at my home. But to see strangers doing it so openly and blatantly was the shocker for a beginner.

I made a few acquaintances at the BR-2000. Mistress Brianna of Washington DC was especially nice and helpful to me.

We even discussed meeting for dinner the next time she drove through my town on her way to the ski slopes. I exchanged numbers and e-mail addresses with both Brianna and Fawn. I communicated with them via e-mail but we never set up anything in concrete.  

Probably the biggest happening for me at the BR-2000 was a woman I met at the leather market, which was the retail and vendor area where you could buy fetish clothing and toys. One of the vendors sold corsets and as I was browsing through the gorgeous inventory of corsets, the woman running the booth struck up a conversation with me.

I confessed to her that the weekend was a little overwhelming and she communicated to me how she prefers smaller, more intimate groups over the larger fetish and BDSM conventions. This woman ensued to tell me about small FemDom groups that were starting to form around the country. The groups were called ClubFEM (Females Enslaving Males). I initiated contact with the main headquarters of this group and since there were no groups in my area, the FemDom couple who started ClubFEM (Dee and Gene) talked me into starting my own chapter.

I was the Head Mistress of the Maryland/DC Chapter of ClubFEM for two years. Those were exciting times and we had a wonderful group of FemDom couples. I will share some of my favorite ClubFEM memories in future posts.