Saturday, May 3, 2014

The importance of legally protecting yourself in this lifestyle

I received an e-mail from a woman who asked a most important question. “Do you ever fear that your husband might have a change of heart about being a cuckold and in the process suing you for divorce on the grounds of adultery?”
I probably should have covered this before now but thanks to the wise advice of my mentors many years ago, James and I took some steps in order to provide me with legal protection should an unforeseen or unfortunate accident occur during a D&S session, or should my hubby choose to divorce me (which he would tell you will never happen because he is madly in love with me).
I have in my possession (and my attorney has copies in sealed envelopes) three signed handwritten letters from James. In the first letter, he confesses that our D&S lifestyle is a mutually agreed upon lifestyle. James makes it perfectly clear that he introduced this lifestyle to me, that I was a reluctant partner at first, but he persuaded me that he needed this in order to obtain sexual and emotional fulfillment. He says that in his eyes, I do this for him.
In the letter he admits that he encourages me to spank him, whip him, engage in sadomasochistic practices and adhere to a dominance and submission lifestyle where he willfully submits to me. The letter makes it perfectly clear that James not only consents to all that we do, but he emboldens me. The letter also mentions how we have tried our best to become educated about all health and safety issues but we both understand that some of these activities are physical by nature with some risks, yet James still consents to these activities and encourages me to practice them on him.
We did this letter prior to us embracing cuckolding. Once James became my cuckold, I had him write a second letter where he made it clear that he consents to and encourages my sexual affairs with others as a part of our D&S lifestyle. James confesses that he gains sexual arousal from me being with other partners, and as a result he encourages me to be with other partners. Once again, it is all consensual and in his eyes, I do this for him.
The third letter involves our finances. Right now, James’ paychecks are direct-deposited into an account that only I have access. I keep James on an allowance and he must gain my permission if he needs any extra funds. There are other financial dynamics to our marriage that I do not wish to share on this blog but they involve our other possessions, our house, bank accounts and investments. In the letter James consents to our financial arrangement and what he is entitled to should we ever separate or get divorced. All I will say is that our financial arrangement heavily favors me, and at the same time affords him some protection. We also have a Will. James has consented to all of this.
With all three letters, I had a witness present when James signed them. And as an added layer of protection, it was a different witness each time. In other words, the person who witnessed James sign the cuckolding confession was different than the person who witnessed him signing the first letter, who was different than the person who witnessed him signing the financial letter. So nobody could ever accuse me of colluding with another person. The financial letter was accompanied with a legal document drawn up by our attorney involving our finances. My attorney is a woman that knows we practice an alternative lifestyle but as far as I know, she is not involved with the lifestyle. She does not know all the details of our lifestyle but she has enough knowledge to provide legal counsel and she has in her possession copies of James’ letters of consent.
Is this all necessary? Definitely for the finances. The other letters are not so much legal documents but are there to protect me should something unfortunate happen. Say, God forbid, James had a heart attack during an intense D&S session, or say something went wrong and he ended up in an emergency room. Another e-mail I received was a man who warned me against spanking James’ balls too hard because I might severely injure one of his testicles. He said the hospital might inform law enforcement. That’s why I have the letters. Even in 2014, where there are all kinds of alternative lifestyles, some people might not understand. I have a friend who works at a hospital in San Francisco and you should hear about some of the patients who come in.
One guy came in with a wine bottle stuck up his ass. Another guy came in with nails that were hammered into his cock and balls and when the Mistress tried to pull them out, one of them caused a bad injury. You can just imagine what goes on out there.
We try our best to practice safe, sane and consensual but accidents do happen. So if you practice this lifestyle, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have your sub handwrite a consent letter. Even if you don’t want to have someone witness him signing the letter or even if you don’t want to involve an attorney, it’s not a bad idea to have a letter from your submissive in your possession so you can prove that this lifestyle is consensual. And if you are married and practice cuckolding, I would definitely recommend a letter where your husband admits that he has consented to you having sex with others.
Most submissive husbands will find the exercise of writing the letter and signing the letter in your presence to be very exciting. James had a noticeable hard-on when he wrote the first letter. It is in a way an exercise in humiliation, to confess to society, if need be, about his willful submission to his wife. Slave contracts have always been popular within the worlds of BDSM and D&S. Consent letters are kind of like a slave contract only more official.


  1. Ms Kathleen,
    Your insight is amazing.
    Have you considered recording a video where your husband can express his need for your dominating and cuckolding him, and his wish for you to treat him even more harshly?

    1. I considered putting his consent on video, and from what I understand others have chosen that method, but one of my mentors recommended against it and for good reason. The same reason we never video tape any of our play sessions. What if that video were to fall into the wrong hands?

      I'm all for humiliation play but within reason. My hubby has a career and vanilla family and friends. You have to be smart.