Femdom and Romance

I had a wonderful evening with my hubby the other night. He made me a special dinner and later on that night he bathed me in what turned out to be a long, romantic bubble bath. That was followed by him performing body worship on me, pleasuring me with his gifted mouth and tongue. That brings me to the subject of femdom and romance.

A couple needs balance in their lives so I believe for a successful femdom relationship, the more hardcore D&S needs to be balanced with plenty of soft and romantic femdom activities. Perhaps my favorite is the romantic bubble bath. For men who have never done this with their Queen, here are some tips based on how I like it.

Before your Queen enters the bathroom, you need to set the mood. First of all, make sure the bathroom is spotless. Nothing ruins the mood for romance like a dirty bathroom. Next, draw her bath water and add the bubble bath. A bubble bath comes in so many varieties it can be difficult to choose the right one. If you know your Queen has a special favorite, use that one. If you don’t know where to start, head out to your local “Bed, Bath and Beyond” store and ask the saleslady.

Also, while you’re there check into getting some bath soaks. These are usually a blend of ingredients you add to your bath water to create a desired effect, such as a sore muscle soak, stress-easing soak or relaxation soak. Most bath and body and drug stores carry bath soak products.

While the water is warm filling the tub, light candles around the tub. Tea lights are easy to use, they make very little mess and are easy to throw away once cooled. Don't place candles where you may splash water on them.

Have an I-Pod in the bathroom and play some romantic music. Again, plan ahead and have the I-Pod ready to go. Need a suggestion? How about “The Look of Love” by Diana Krall. You can’t go wrong with Diana Krall. She’s one of my favorites when it comes to relaxing in a bubble bath.

Also, you might want to have some chocolates or champagne or wine (or her favorite beverage) ready to go. You can feed her the chocolates while you are bathing her and she can sip the champagne.

And don’t forget to plan for the after-bath. Have some warm towels ready for her. Put some big, fluffy towels in the dryer and take them out just prior to giving her the bath. My hubby has been properly trained and the warm towels are a must for me.

Once your Queen’s bath is prepared, summon her, undress her, assist her in the tub and let the fun begin. Pour her a glass of champagne or wine and allow her to drink it as she soaks. Then bathe her with your soapy hands and a soft sponge. If she permits it (based on the rules of your femdom marriage) play with her breasts and caress her nipples as you bathe her. Finger her clit a little as you bathe that region of her body. Plant kisses on her shoulders, her neck, and her arms as you bathe her. Feed her the chocolates (or fruit or whatever she enjoys).

Perhaps she will want to soak alone. Some wives prefer that. In those cases, get her a servant’s bell, which she can ring when she wants you for something. You could be knelling outside the bathroom door awaiting her command, and as soon as you hear the bell, you rush to her side and do her bidding (putting more bubble bath in the tub, refilling her wine glass, feeding her more chocolates, etc.)

Once she is finished with her bath, you will assist her out of the tub and dry her with a warm, fluffy towel. Now it is time to retreat to the bedroom.

There, you will massage her skin with moisturizing lotion (another item to get at “Bed, Bath and Beyond”). Take your time and don’t rush but worship every inch of her body with your hands.

Finally, you will make love to her body using only your mouth and tongue. The perfect evening will be topped off by you orally pleasuring your Queen, bringing her to multiple orgasms.

One final note - A romantic moment is easily ruined with unwanted disruptions. Arrange your bath encounter at a time when you can be together alone. If that is not possible at your home, a great way to do this and create the perfect memorable night is staying at hotel with a spa or Jacuzzi tub in your room.

Getting in shape

I joined a local fitness center and signed-up for a personal trainer. I’ve been working out three evenings a week and holy cow am I ever sore. But that’s good, that’s what I wanted. I needed someone to push me and my trainer Joey is doing just that.

There is a plethora of cute guys walking around in their muscle shirts and tight gym shorts. Lots of eye candy to gaze at in between doing sets. However, there are just as many beautiful women for the guys to look at. Is it me or are people becoming more and more attractive these days? It can be intimidating for a woman my age to be surrounded by so many young, hard bodies. But that’s okay because I didn’t join the fitness center to meet men. I joined to get in better shape and to tone my body, as that was one of my resolutions for the new year.  

James has been doing P90X each night at the house to tone his own body. The poor baby has been both sore and exhausted so I gave him the weekend off from doing his chores other than a few loads of laundry that I need him to do for me. With us both working out and having aching muscles, we haven’t done any D&S play this week. However, James has been a good submissive cooking me dinner each night and he gave me a much needed massage Wednesday night. In a way, that was kind of a D&S session because he was sore from doing the P90X yet I demanded that he sacrifice for me by giving me a total body massage to help ease my own soreness. And to make it fun, he was naked except for wearing a pair of my panties.

Ginger and the Dream Lover 2000

Yesterday I visited an old friend (I’ll refer to her as Ginger due to her resemblance to the actress Tina Louise who played Ginger on the old “Gilligan’s Island" sitcom). I know Ginger from our ClubFEM days. Readers of my blog may recall that I was supposed to attend a Halloween party in the DC area with Ginger but the weather prevented me. We’ve been communicating by e-mail and she’s wanted us to get together. Ginger desired to show off the current state of her femdom marriage to me so yesterday at 2:00pm I left here and drove to her house while James stayed home and attended to his chores.

Ginger was the epitome of a nervous beginner when she and her hubby joined my ClubFEM group back in 2003. She made it clear that first night that she was only there because this was her husband’s idea and she was doing it for him. But she was a lot of fun and although she was nervous, I could tell she was having a good time. They came back almost every month until the group had to change locations.

I hadn’t heard from Ginger for many years before she e-mailed me in October after her husband had discovered my blog. We talked on the phone and I couldn’t believe how their marriage had evolved. In many ways, they had surpassed what James and I were doing with this lifestyle.

I arrived around 5:30. Ginger greeted me in her driveway and escorted me into her house. We visited while her hubby attended to his chores. He was totally clothed but wearing an apron. He was cooking us dinner. Ginger summoned her hubby to the living room and she was anxious to show off her new training tool. She had bought the Dream Lover 2000 which she called a ‘male management device’. It’s a radio-signal electric gizmo that attaches to a CB-3000 or CB-6000 chastity device.

He was wearing a CB-3000 and Ginger had a remote control where she could transmit various levels of discomfort to her hubby’s encaged genitals with a push of a button. One of the settings was a pager and whenever we needed our glassed re-filled or snacks brought to us, Ginger would ‘summon’ her husband with a push of a button. The DL2000 works all over their house so he is never out of range.

Ginger described to me how she is using the device to further train her hubby. He is in chastity all the time when he is at home, and most times when they go out, and if he slacks in his chores or needs an attitude adjustment, she administers a moderate to severe jolt with her remote. But it’s not a shock. She had her hubby describe the sensation and he said it was more like a hard, quick slap to his genitals. He said it wasn’t painful like the old method they used but he still didn’t like the sensation and he feared it. Ginger just smiled.

After he left the room, Ginger told me that the old method was a small dog shock collar that her husband had modified to wear with his chastity device. She used that to train him in many areas until she found out about the Dream Lover 2000. What she likes about the DL2000 is she travels a lot for her job and she can get on the internet and control the device from wherever she is at. It also has a leash setting that works like an electric fence where she can confine her hubby to the house and if he passes the boundaries that she sets, he will get that most unpleasant sensation in his genitals and it will repeat ever couple of seconds until he returns to his boundaries. So basically she can make him a prisoner in his own home.

I had never heard of the DL2000 so I inquired about the price. When Ginger told me what it cost, I was about floored. She called it an add-on but it was five times more expensive than the CB-3000 chastity device. As intrigued as I was by this gizmo, I knew it would not be for us at this time as I have a lot more on my femdom wish list before I would spring for a DL2000. And really, I don’t know if it would be a good fit for our current lifestyle but it works perfectly for Ginger’s lifestyle with the amount of time she travels.

Ginger never did enjoy whipping or spanking her husband so chastity training and a hands-free discipline device like the DL2000 is perfect for her. And seeing how much money I have in my current whip and paddle collection, I guess we’ve spent just as much on tools of discipline when you add it all up. Of course I accumulated mine over many years whereas the DL2000 is a one-time purchase. Plus I enjoy the physical hands on approach whereas Ginger likes to discipline her hubby with technology. To each her own!

As we visited and shared what we had been up to these past years, the topic eventually got around to cuckolding. Ginger said that she used her original hands-free discipline tool (the dog shock collar modified to be used with her husband’s chastity device) to train him not to be jealous when she ‘fools around’ with other men. She told me how her hubby had been unfaithful to her back in 2002 and one of the reasons they joined ClubFEM was her attempt to save her marriage.

She was adamant that he wear a chastity device so she could control him. Later as she became more educated about female domination and she learned about cuckolding, she decided that she would turn the tables on him. It has become a regular part of their marriage for the past five years. She mostly sleeps with other men when she is away on business trips, all with the knowledge that her hubby is at home, in chastity, doing his long list of chores. Now she can use the DL2000 to discipline him while she is on the road by using the internet.

It was a very interesting visit. I could only stay for a couple of hours and I left right after dinner because I wanted to hit the outlet mall on my way home to return a few items. Ginger wants me and her to go out some night for a ‘Cougar night’ in the DC area where we are on the prowl for younger men. I mentioned that it would be fun to bring our hubbies with us and make them watch us from a distance. I don’t own a DL2000 but I have an electric cock ring with a remote control and I could make James wear it. Ginger liked that idea so maybe come spring when the weather warms up we’ll arrange it.

When I got home last night, I got on the internet and looked up the Dream Lover 2000.

It is an impressive website and an impressive product. Maybe I’ll add it to my femdom wish list but it will have to go way down on the list due to the hefty price. A new strap-on harness, another whip or two and some newer leather outfits will take priority.

Her Majesty’s Treasury

I’m loving controlling all the finances within my marriage. Last week was the first time my hubby’s paycheck was direct deposited into an account that is only accessible by me. I have him on a strict allowance and when he needs extra funds, he must come to me and make his request to “Her Majesty’s Treasury’. Last night was the first time.

My hubby had two requests, one for a one-time only purchase, and the other a request for an increase in his allowance. He had to strip naked and approach me while I sat on my throne (right now it’s just a chair in my bedroom but a real throne like the one Mistress Jaleen had is on my future wish list). I was wearing a bathrobe and only bra and panties underneath. James humbled himself and kissed my feet as he made his first request to his Queen.

I granted his request as it was a practical purchase. As part of our ritual, whenever I grant a request, my hubby must show his adoration and appreciation by planting kisses on my body to whichever part I point to with my finger. I made him kiss my feet, legs, thighs and both ass cheeks. He was commanded to kiss my body with fast, deep and hard kisses, moving from spot to spot as I kept directing him to different areas of my body. He was out of breath by the time I ordered him to stop.

Then he made his second request to his Queen. He gave me a pitiful verbal presentation about how his allowance wasn’t sufficient for him to eat out with his co-workers for lunch each day. He has eaten out with the same group of male co-workers for years and he looks forward to this as it breaks up his day. I listened to his request, and then I denied his request. I told him that he needs to learn to sacrifice more for his Queen and if he would pack his lunch two days a week and eat out three days a week he could make his allowance work. I then told him that I was going to be taking the money that he would have spent on those extra lunches and I would be treating myself each month to a spa day. Thus his sacrifice would be to my benefit. You should have seen his face.

As part of our new ritual, since I declined his request, he was punished for wasting my time. I had him lay across the bed and I administered a dozen strokes across his buttocks with my long handle riding crop. Then he had to kiss my feet one last time and thank his Queen for allowing him to make his petitions.

Kathleen meets the wedding-night whipping Bride

One of the more interesting couples James and I met back when we were seeking like-minded couples to meet and perhaps ‘play’ with was a young couple from New York. It was late 2005 between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We took a trip to New York City on a chartered bus with a tour group. It was one of those packaged deals where for a single price you get transportation to and from the city, a hotel room and show tickets. The rest of the time is yours to do with as you please.

It was freezing cold in New York that weekend with wind-chills around zero but that didn’t stop us from walking around and looking at the decorated storefront windows on Fifth Avenue, visiting Rockefeller Center, Central Park, Times Square and other tourist spots.

We had booked this trip in the early summer and I wasn’t planning on any kind of D&S or Femdom encounters. However, I was contacted by a couple who lived in New York, not in the city but somewhere in the state. They were seeking to meet like-minded couples and saw my ad on Elise Sutton’s site. After exchanging a few e-mails, I talked to the young lady, Suzanne, over the phone and told her about our upcoming trip to New York City. I offered to meet her and her husband for lunch or dinner if they were willing to come to Manhattan. She agreed but only if I would let her husband pay for dinner.

We met them at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. I was surprised by how young Suzanne looked. She was actually 30 but she looked like she was barely 20. She was short and petite with red hair. People probably thought she was my daughter seeing we had the same hair color. I wasn’t old enough to be her mother but because she looked so young I felt as if I were a generation older.

We didn’t have a reservation and the place was packed so we had to wait at the bar for over an hour for a table. It worked out because that gave us more time to talk with them. She was carded and that’s how I found out she was 30. Because the restaurant was crowded, we mostly talked about vanilla things. We learned that her husband, his name was either Sean or Don (James and I still disagree on that), was in his mid 30’s and was some kind of a computer guru. Suzanne said she worked in telecommunications or something like that. They were cat people. We were dog people (although we also have cats). They had been married for only three years and had just celebrated a wedding anniversary the previous weekend. James ordered a bottle of wine so we could toast the couple. That was the least we could do seeing they were paying for dinner.

After we ate, they asked us if we had plans. We didn’t so they asked us if we wanted to go somewhere where we could talk some more. They said they knew of a lounge that wasn’t too far and it was dark and intimate where we could talk more freely. We hailed a cab to the lounge which was in the basement of another restaurant.

There was live music which was nice, a male guitar player and a female keyboard player. Sean (or Don) tipped someone to secure us a booth in a back corner, away from most people. It was a nice spot to sit. We could still hear the music but it wasn’t too loud to where we couldn’t talk.

We shared with them about our femdom marriage, our exploits with ClubFEM, and my association with Elise Sutton and Predominant. They shared with us how they had met at TES (The Eulenspiegel Society), which is a BDSM group that meets in New York City. Suzanne said she had been involved with the lifestyle since she was eighteen. She was much more experienced than her husband when they met. He was new to TES but she had been attending leather and BDSM functions for many years. Suzanne said she was a switch prior to meeting Sean but he was 100% submissive so she embraced the role of 100% Domme in their relationship.

We talked about many things that night but the one story she told us that left a lasting impression was about their wedding night. She wanted to have a Femdom ceremony with all kinds of wild symbolism such as her riding the groom down the aisle, having him on a leash and collar and having their vows being all about Sean promising to submit to her and obey her.

But the more they planned the wedding, they realized in order to invite family and vanilla friends, they couldn’t do a femdom ceremony. So they were married in a Catholic Church in a traditional ceremony.

However, on their wedding night, instead of going to a hotel, they went back to their apartment. Suzanne had been practicing using a single tail and a bullwhip at TES events on other submissive men. Sean had been spanked by Suzanne and mildly disciplined but he had never been whipped. He wanted to experience it but was a little afraid. The closer they got to their wedding day, Suzanne decided that to set the proper mood for the marriage, on their wedding night, she would administer a very harsh whipping to her new husband.

She said she trained him leading up to the big day, using floggers and other lighter implements on him, but she was holding back to make sure the wedding night was memorable. When they got to their apartment after the wedding reception (Sean was not allowed to drink at the reception  other than one glass of champagne to make sure his blood wasn’t thinned from the alcohol – a wise course of action and evidence that Suzanne was well educated about such things), she tied Sean to the bedposts at the bottom of their bed in a standing and upright position. He was totally naked.

Suzanne went and dressed in her wedding night outfit but it wasn’t white lace, it was black leather. The bride began to whip her groom with soft implements and finally graduated to the single tail and the bullwhip. She said she marked him up real bad (or real good depending on your point of view) and totally broke him physically and mentally and then and only then did she consummate their marriage by having sex with her new husband.

I asked her if such whippings had become a regular part of their marriage and surprisingly she said they had not because Sean fears being whipped that severely after that night. She said she mostly spanks him when she disciplines him. However, each year on their anniversary, she administers a severe whipping with the single tail and bullwhip to remind him of her absolute dominance over him in the marriage. It has become a once a year whipping ritual for them.

Now, it makes for a fascinating tale, I grant you that, but I still had my doubts. I kind of thought to myself she was telling us this story to impress us. I didn’t care either way but wouldn’t you know it, she wanted to prove to us that their story was true. She had her husband go into the restroom and remove his shirt and sweater and return to the booth only wearing his sports jacket around his back. He came back to our booth and although it was dark she had him slide the jacket down his shoulders to around his waist and we could see the marks. They were a week old as their anniversary was the previous weekend but the marks were still very noticeable. She then said something like “If you think his back is marked, you should see his ass.”

I was shocked and pretty much speechless. No wonder they only do it once a year. Suzanne was proud as if those marks on her husband were a badge of honor. You just never know who you might meet when you advertise looking for femdom couples.

They talked about us maybe coming up to their house in the spring or maybe they would come and visit us, but it never happened. Still, it was another interesting night and one I will never forget. I hope all is well with Suzanne and Sean these days.

Human seat cushion

After the hustle and bustle of the holidays, it’s nice to be enjoying a leisurely weekend with nowhere to go and no one to see. Last night James and I went to the movies and saw the new Sherlock Holmes film (liked it better than the first). Today I’ve been doing some reading.

The humiliation session I had with James the other night has had a definite effect on him. Actually it has had an effect on both of us. He was napping on the couch late Thursday night (yes, he is allowed to nap on the couch and/or veg in front of the television when he has completed his nightly chores) and seeing him lying there on his stomach, his cute ass sticking up in the air (he was wearing a tight pair of gray sweatpants), I had the urge to walk over and sit on him. I had just come home from being out and I was wearing a pair of jeans. James awoke and I bent over and kissed his head. He kind of squirmed and humped the couch a little, as if to relay to me how much he enjoyed having me sitting on his butt. I proceeded to bounce up and down on him, which made him even more excited. I sat on him for maybe 15 minutes but I had things to do, so I had to leave him.

Last night he was in such a submissive mood. He has been extra docile and obedient the past few days. I could tell he wanted me to ‘play’ with him but I wasn’t in the mood for a session. However, today when I had settled down to read my book, I called James into the room and told him to go fetch a pair of my panties, undress, put on the panties and then come and lay down on the couch, face up. I went and put on the same pair of jeans I was wearing the other night. He likes these jeans because they are dark around my seat and crotch but faded everywhere else. They really highlight a woman’s bottom.

I sat down on his pantied pelvis and proceeded to read my book. He was not in chastity so I could feel his cock growing hard. I warned him not to move and he’d better not thrust his pelvis against my bottom if he knew what was good for him. He was there to be my human seat cushion. I am not a small woman by any stretch so after a while, his breathing was laboring somewhat.

I sat on his pelvis for a good 30 minutes total when I decided to reposition myself. I slid down the couch and sat on his face, full weight. The softness and give of the couch made it so he could bare it and I made sure he had just enough room to breathe. I told him to signal me by touching my leg if he felt he needed a break. He lasted about ten minutes before he touched my leg. I then told him to turn over and I sat on his buttocks. That was my favorite position and I stayed there for another good 30 minutes or so.

Finally, I took a break and headed to the computer. I told my hubby to get dressed and start dinner. Tonight we are staying in and we will probably watch a movie on one of the premium channels. I’m not planning on any D&S sessions this weekend but I may use my human seat cushion again tonight.