Cold, Maternal and Cruel

Hubby has been a man obsessed as he goes about building his confinement room. He worked on it every evening this week and I granted him permission to take a vacation day on Friday. He spent all of Friday and most of today working on his little prison. So far he has put up the walls and he has covered the walls, floor and ceiling with rubber matting. It looks pretty wild in there. He has also secured various bolts and hooks into the walls, the floor and the ceiling should I want to tie him up or place him in advanced bondage. He still needs to create a door that I can lock and he has to install the intercom system.

I’ve been contemplating this sudden burst of creative energy within my hubby. He is truly like a man possessed. I love that he is this passionate but I am still trying to get my head around this latest development. I was going through my Femdom book collection and I came across a book Elise Sutton recommended I read way back when I was doing phone calls for her. It is titled “Coldness and Cruelty” by Gilles Deleuze and it is about masochism. I don’t believe I ever read it, although I remember seeing it referenced in Elise’s book “Searching for Wanda”.

I’m about half way through “Coldness and Cruelty” and the more I read, the more I am noticing definite masochistic traits within my husband, and not just recently but behaviors he’s shown for as long as I’ve known him.

“Coldness and Cruelty” is a study of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. In fact Sacher-Masoch’s novel “Venus in Furs” is included in the edition of “Coldness and Cruelty” I purchased all those years ago.

Deleuze talks about the three women of Masoch. I kind of see myself a little like the first woman, the free spirit who believes in the equality of the sexes but who also believes that the female principal will ultimately win out. The free-spirit and independent woman is owned by no man and she gains dominance over the men in her life because “man trembles as soon as woman becomes his equal”.

At the other extreme is the third woman, the sadistic woman. She enjoys hurting and torturing men but she only does so at the prodding and encouragement of the masochistic male. She is very cruel. That is definitely not me.

The woman in the middle between these other two women is the ideal female of the masochist. She is a good woman, with a tender heart but also with cruel instincts. She is gentle and care-free but she is also stern. She engulfs the other two women and is a lot like nature herself. She is cold, maternal and cruel.

Now that could be me. I am part the first woman with many traits of the second woman with just a pinch of the third woman. What I refuse to be is the embodiment of my husband’s fantasies. However, if I can understand his fantasies and use them to my benefit, than I have no problem being cold, maternal and cruel.

Reading Deleuze’s book also has given me some insight into my husband’s zeal for the confinement room.

“Waiting and suspense are essential characteristics of the masochistic experience. Hence the ritual scenes of hanging and other forms of physical suspension in Masoch’s novels. Masochism is a state of waiting; he masochist experiences waiting in its purest form. The masochist waits for pleasure as something that is bound to be late, and expects pain as the condition that will finally ensure the advent of pleasure. He therefore wants to postpone pleasure in expectation of the pain which will make gratification possible. Disavowal, suspension, waiting, fetishism, and fantasy together make up the specific constellation of masochism.”

This makes perfect sense. The confinement room will combine all of these elements. He will be suspended in there. It will be his place of waiting. He will be waiting on me to decide when and if he shall gain freedom, both physically and sexually. There is fetishism in the room with the rubber walls and floor. And the entire thing will be fantasy as only God knows what will be running through his mind when he is bound inside his little prison.

I doubt if my hubby fully understands what is driving him but this must be a place he feels he must go. My goal is to take him there and in the process gain more control over him and our relationship. I am hoping that we will bond in a new and special way.