Sunday, August 18, 2013

Catch 22: D&S play vs. orgasm denial. Strap-on session causes unauthorized orgasm

I’ve got to make some changes to how I dominate James. Here’s the problem. I’m a dominant women married to a submissive man with lots of BDSM toys at my disposal. I have accumulated over the years an assortment of leather clothing, boots, gloves, corsets, etc. I have whips, crops, canes, paddles, restraints, gags, blindfolds, enema equipment, harnesses, dildos, etc.

All I usually have to do is open my toy chest and it doesn’t take long for me to get in the mood for a session. I mean we have all this stuff so it would be a waste not to take advantage of it. But on top of that, I have hubby in chastity with the goal of denying him for longer and longer periods. The two can be in conflict with each other.

Last night is a perfect example. James has been denied since July 6th and my goal was to keep him that way until September 8th. I could tell he has been very aroused lately, and that’s a good thing as it keeps him focused on me and my needs. James gave me a wonderful full-body massage Thursday night and Friday evening I allowed him to bathe me and dress me before I went out on a night on the town with a girlfriend. James was straining inside his chastity device as his hands touched and fondled my body as he bathed and dressed me.

So last night I decided to have a session with him. I wore a pair of leather thigh-high boots and allowed James to perform boot worship. Then I gave him an over the lap spanking with my hairbrush and the wooden Spencer paddle.

James was leaking pre-cum from inside his CB6000 but he was also flinching and twisting in discomfort as his bottom had not yet fully recovered from the caning he endured last Saturday night. I took it rather easy on him but I paddled him hard enough so that he went totally limp.

Then I decided to take him with a strap-on. Big mistake! I should have known better but James rarely climaxes from strap-on play and he knows to inform me if he thinks he can’t hold back. I bent him over the massage table and made sure his caged cock was not rubbing against the table. I was feeling extra dominant by this time so after I did the latex glove warm-up and penetrated him with the dildo that was snuggly attached to my strap-on harness, I was a little animated and I was slamming him hard, fast and forceful.

I was just starting to really get into it when he warned me that he thought he might climax if I didn’t stop. I was having too much fun so I ordered him to hold back a little longer. Well, no dice. He climaxed which really pissed me off. I kept slamming him and I spanked his ass with my hands very hard at the same time to let him know my displeasure.

James was no good to me the rest of the night. Once he cums like that, he loses his passion. I ordered him to orally pleasure me but it was no good. He was going through the motions and I had lost my edge. He licked me for about five minutes and then I just pushed him away. As a punishment I locked him away in the confinement room for the rest of the night as I watched television all by myself.

He apologized today and begged for forgiveness. Of course I forgive him but I told him that I was going to have to rethink how we do some things. I might have to keep our weekly sessions to discipline and humiliation and eliminate the more intimate acts such as strap-on play. I suppose I could do strap-on in the early weeks of his denial but once he gets to the one month mark, I need to be more careful. Maybe allowing him to give me massages and bathe me is too much for him, yet if I take that away I am denying myself pleasure. Maybe it’s time for a better chastity device, something more permanent. Or maybe I need to break out the Kali’s teeth when he gives me massages and baths. I’m just thinking out loud here.


  1. Dear Ms Kathleen,

    i have had the same problem as James. Owner normally always has me in chastity (Jailbird) but we have found that on occasion, and though firmly locked up, i have leaked substantially both through strapon play and also through testicle slapping/caning. On both occasions it felt different from an orgasm although i was aware that something was about to happen seconds before hand. Both times led to a lot of cum being spilt even though i was also firmly locked up. For me it didn't feel like a proper orgasm but Owner was as disappointed in me as you rightly were with James. i too was embarrassed and ashamed. Owners conclusion is that i am over exciteable and that She needs me to communicate more to Her my state of excitement and arousal. Unfortunately, though on one of the occasions even Her stopping for a prolonged break didn't prevent me from making a mess just after She re-started.


  2. Hope you've got James back on the 4 month plan plus a week or two as punishment!

  3. Ms Kathleen,
    Sorry to hear about your dilemma. So James’ clock is now reset to late october?
    The concept of full vs. ruined orgasms is intriguing. Nowadays my own orgasms are so few and far between that it’s hard to draw any conclusions, but my most recent orgasm was reduced by clamping hard on my penis base. This stopped all spurting but not the rhythmic contractions, and a fair amount of cum was leaking when the clamping was lifted. Although I went flaccid almost immediately, my way back to desperately wanting to experience my Wife´s orgasms instead of my own was considerably shorter than after previous full orgasms.
    How does James react to orgasms restricted by his cage? Are they as pleasurable to him as a full orgasm without the cage? Is his recovery time shorter?

  4. Dear Ms Kathleen,

    I love your writing and your perspectives, this is one of my all time favorite blogs. Just thought I would add some chastity insight from my perspective, as I have many years experience in this area.

    No chastity device will stop prostrate orgasms. No chastity device will stop hands free orgasms.

    It would make sense if you are going to keep pursuing chastity on a real level to purchase a real custom chastity belt. All of the ball trap devices are escapable (you can pull the penis out easily after a cold shower and even put it back in the device, there are many videos of this), can easily have orgasm while locked through vibration, and can cause permanent erection damage. It is possible to break the penis so it can no longer get erect, some extreme Hindi yogis do this on purpose. I have met a man this has happened to with the CB X000 devices and heard of others. A custom steel belt by someone like Neosteel makes sense if you are taking chastity seriously. Even more so if you want to do longer denial cycles.

    Your mileage may vary, but in my experience a monthly cycle is very healthy. I don't think getting obsessed with numbers should stop your fun. Are you moving towards permanent denial? Works for some, but for others creates a very deep sadness and insurmountable depression. Men have hormones too. And those hormones have a cycle, like women but not identical. And not all men have the same tolerances. Not everything can be trained. 17 days is about the natural male body rhythm tolerance. So by doing a month you are already doubling that. I have experienced an almost 6 month locking period, as well as a year at every 2 months and I can say personally however excited chastity and the concept of being denied and controlled makes me, in practice I have made some really bad decisions in extended chastity. Can kinda drive you crazy unless you are some Buddhist monk who knows how to channel this energy. But those monks still have sex, they just don't ejaculate physically, they shoot that energy up their spine. (I've successfully done that twice, and where my mind went was some of the best moments of my life.)

    In extended chastity I have made some of the worst decisions of my life, ruined business relationships, and also submitted where I shouldn't by having an overwhelming sexual focus. I recall a story that used to appear on Elise Sutton's site under extreme desires by Daryl F, where his chastity and fetishes were used in a way that led him to almost ruin his marriage (a kind of blackmailed scatological story that almost led to divorce). This melted mind - I don't think is what you are looking for in a valued submissive. Enraptured and bound to you, yes. But unable to think clearly and turning everything into a sexual thought?

    Full depth of thought was lost in the second month, sometimes concentration was hard, especially on non sexual things. By the end of the second month and into the third month it becomes somewhat dull and you don't even care that you have genitalia. This would be great for a sissy, but not for all men. I cannot imagine the thoughts of someone serving a life sentence in prison, but it must be similar as this overwhelming depression overtakes you.

    If you didn't love your sub, or wanted them to just experience real slavery and the hopelessness that would go with that, then I can see doing multi month denial.

    But if you want solid regular service, less mood swings, a sexually hot, attentive and devoted slave, then 17 days to one month of denial should be very healthy. Especially when accompanied by a physically comfortable inescapable steel device. Steel adds a lot to the psychology of the device, it actually being a belt adds to it as well. Permanent bondage. Less of a game. And you can add nice accessories like d rings for bondage on the belt, or a buttplug that locks in. This type of control is seemingly very intoxicating for the top in my experience, as well as thrilling as the submissive.

    In my experience chastity after a month is just macho.