Saturday, August 3, 2013

Words of wisdom from Henrietta the Humiliatrix

Back in February I posted the following observations;
“Based on the feedback I get, it is obvious how much some of you enjoy reading about my husband’s humiliation. Why is that? Does it turn you on because you fantasize about a woman humiliating you? I will probably never fully understand the mind of the submissive male but if humiliation is what you want, I am more than happy to share some of our experiences with you.”
People ask me about humiliation play and why my hubby likes to be humiliated by his wife. Unlike highly educated dominant women such as Nancy Ava Miller and Elise Sutton, I do not have a background in Psychology. I do not take the time to analyze these things. I just know that my hubby and I enjoy certain D&S play. Why does he like to be humiliated? Why do I like to humiliate him? When I’m asked deep questions like this I usually find my inspiration in music lyrics, and in this case the Rolling Stones; “It’s only Rock ‘n Roll (but I like it).”
I was being honest when I said that I will probably never fully understand the mind of the submissive male but I am open to learning, and I find that I learn best from other dominant women. In my previous post I told you that I was sent the e-book “Interview with a Dominatrix” which includes interviews with 20 different women (including yours truly). I was browsing through it last night and I realized that I had only read about half of these interviews when they originally ran in “Predominant”. I wrote movie reviews for the e-zine but I never read each issue. In fact, I only read about half of them, if that.
So last night I was browsing the e-book and I came across the interview with Henrietta the Humiliatrix. I had never read it before and I’m sorry that I hadn’t because there was some juicy words of wisdom about humiliation play in there. She really has a grasp on humiliation play. Here are a few snippets;
Predominant: You call yourself a Humiliatrix. What does that term mean to you? 

Henrietta: The first time I heard that word was from the ladies that produced WHAP magazine. I subscribed to WHAP and I saw that term in there. It was a perfect word to describe me based on how my husband and I utilize humiliation play within our marriage.  

Predominant: How long did it take you to come to terms with his need to be humiliated? 

Henrietta: You do it a few times and then you measure the cause and effect of humiliation play. It’s only natural to be concerned that the humiliation will have a negative effect. Once you witness positive results, you begin to feel more comfortable. In my case, once I was convinced that Nathan wanted it and needed it, I was able to focus more on myself. As is common with most D&S interactions, humiliation play has an effect not only on the submissive but also on the Humiliatrix.  

Predominant: That’s interesting. Can you eloborate on that? 

Henrietta: There is a tendency to view humiliation play only from what it does to the submissive male. In the beginning, that probably needs to be the focus because of the emotional tide that washes over the submissive but once the Humiliatrix can get past that and focus on herself, she will be able to understand the positive attributes humiliation play can have in her own life.  

I discovered that my personality needs to experience the thrill of humiliating a man every bit as much as my husband’s personality needs to experience humiliation. 

Predominant: So what you are saying is there’s nothing wrong with using humiliation as a tool to establish relationship boundaries and relationship hierarchy. Is that correct? 

Henrietta: As a society, we cannot condone the stronger taking advantage of the weaker. However, that does not remove human nature or the evolutionary process that resides in us. In fact, the more society enforces equality, and rightfully so, the more the dominant personality needs outlets to exert strength and aggression. I myself have channeled that dominant energy in my career, in sports and at the gym. But what about the submissive? How does the passive person channel that submissive energy? D&S and Female Domination is the perfect lifestyle for a dominant woman and a submissive male because they can explore and channel energy that other societal interactions forbid. 

Predominant: Are you saying that to you, dominating and humiliating your husband is similar to you exerting physical energy at the gym? 

Henrietta: It can be physical energy but more than likely FemDom is the exertion of sexual energy. That’s what I meant when I talked about focusing on my own needs. I was very hesitant to humiliate my husband but after I got over the initial shock, as it were, I began to focus on what humiliation play did to me, and it aroused me sexually. There was no escaping the truth that I enjoyed humiliating him.  

Predominant: To make sure our readers don’t misunderstand, your husband introduced this to you because he wanted to be humiliated. 

Henrietta: That’s absolutely the way it happened. I started out doing all this for him. 

Predominant: Do you still do it for him? 

Henrietta: Yes but I also do it because I like it. I look at it this way, humiliating my husband is no different than having my nipples stimulated. Both arouse me sexually. It is a means to an end. The motivation is sexual arousal. The byproduct is the establishing of the marital hierarchy, and that is probably the main factor but the evolutionary process has channeled it through the sex drive. To enforce marital dominance outside of sex would be cruel and combative but because the hierarchy is established through the sexual senses, it is pleasurable and agreeable for both partners.


Predominant: In talking to women who work in the field of professional domination, they substantiate the fact that a lot of their clients desire to be humiliated by a female. The humiliation triggers something within the male psyche and it is the mental stimulation that triggers the submissive and sexual desires within the male and this trigger can cause mental pleasure and sexual arousal. What to one person may seem as being mean spirited and abusive, to the submissive man, within the safe confines of a D&S scene, it is pleasurable and even therapeutic. Do you agree? 

Henrietta: Certainly, my Nathan goes into what can best be described as subspace when he experiences intense humiliation from a woman, and I’m not necessarily just talking about myself. However, the one area I might disagree with you is when you say ‘the safe confines of a D&S scene’. What is a D&S scene? If we are interacting in our regular lives and there is an opportunity for me to humiliate my husband, even if it is spontaneous and not pre-planned, if I decide to act on it, does it not become a D&S scene right then and there? 
Predominant: Good point. Yet, just to play devil’s advocate, if a wife would verbally humiliate her husband within their everyday lives, chances are he could become either angry or hurt. The woman who calls her husband stupid or worthless outside of their D&S playtime might risk driving her husband emotionally away from her. But the woman who verbally humiliates her husband within a sexual setting might touch a chord within him that drives him to subspace and thus will cause him to bond with his wife on an emotional level. What do you say? 
Henrietta: That’s good advice to the general masses but as you have stated on your site, each person is distinctive. I don’t call Nathan stupid or worthless as a person because he isn’t. He is a brilliant man and I value him dearly. Conversely, I would argue that I have the right to verbally dress him down whenever and however I want. If he were to go into some kind of cocoon then naturally I would desist with the humiliation, but he doesn’t go into a cocoon. He becomes aroused. As I previously stated, at first I struggled with how to embrace humiliation as a tool of dominating my husband while trying to maintain a healthy relationship with him. He needs this and he wants this, for reasons I am not exactly sure, but I do know that it sexually arouses him. 

I really believe his need to be humiliated stems from his desire to be dominated by women. He is not talkative or confrontational therefore he seems to be attracted to women who are the opposite of himself. A woman who verbally puts him in his place is exerting dominance and superiority over him. I don’t know this for sure but I would imagine that most men who seek out humiliation from professional Dommes do so because it places the woman in the superior position.
There is a lot more, including examples of how she humiliates her husband. She does it both publically and privately, verbally and sexually. I do not consider myself a full-fledged Humiliatrix but I can identify with Henrietta when she talks about how and why she enjoys humiliating her husband. Like her, my personality enjoys the thrill of putting a man in his place. It really is a thrill and that thrill seems to be getting stronger. I find myself wanting to push the envelope with longer denial periods for James and more intense humiliation play. Yet I love him more than ever.
Judging from feedback on my blog, there is a large audience out there who love to read about women who humiliate men, and especially wives who humiliate husbands. I don’t mind sharing some of our experiences but please keep in mind that the majority of our lives are no different than anyone else. The mundane things of life occupy most of our time and we are life partners together. It just happens that I am the dominant partner and he is submissive to me.

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