Saturday, June 18, 2011
Hello, this is my first entry into the blogosphere. I initially became involved in the FemDom lifestyle back in 1998, but I knew about the lifestyle in a roundabout way since 1991. I’m currently in my mid 40's. I am married and have been married for nineteen years with no children. My husband told me about D/s even before we were married. It was a fascinating subject and I had lots of questions for him. But I truly thought it was just a passing phase. However, he brought up the subject again after we were married. By then I realized he was serious about having this be a part of our sex life.
I thought “what kind of man have I married?” I wondered why he needed this to be happy. It was all very perplexing to me. But in spite of my reservations, I had the desire to make my marriage work. That’s what initially motivated me to keep an open mind about his ‘kinks’.
FemDom was contrary to how I was raised. I had this set family model in mind when I got married and when my husband wanted to alter that, it was confusing to me. It took some time for me to work through the religious, morality and social issues because of what I was taught by society. FemDom definitely appealed to me as a woman but I had to settle these other issues in my heart in order to embrace it. I guess that is why I kept telling myself that I was doing this for my husband, when in fact a part of me wanted this for myself.
By nature, I have a very selfish streak. I really like getting things my way. This lifestyle lends itself to that personality trait like nothing else I know. In fact, my husband was always encouraging me to become more selfish (as if that was possible). FemDom definitely appealed to that part of my personality that likes to have its way.
I soon discovered that the more selfish I was with my husband the more “selfless” I actually was because my selfishness was a huge turn-on for my husband and that drove him deeper to the place that he just loves to go to. I lived my whole life trying not to be so selfish (even when I wanted to be) and all of a sudden I found myself married to a man who loved it when I was selfish. He wanted me to be the center of his Universe. He wanted to pamper me and give himself to me but in order for it to be enjoyable for him, I needed to be demanding and selfish. I needed to be a Bitch. He would even encourage me to “be the Bitch”. I could tell this excited him in an odd way.
FemDom probably saved my marriage. I know that sounds corny but it’s true. Not that I believe I would be divorced today if it weren’t for FemDom. But I don’t think my marriage would be in as great a shape. Like a lot of couples we were growing apart. The passion had gone out of our marriage and we were becoming just good friends. But FemDom restored the passion, it restored the trust, it gave us something to look forward to.
Female Domination began as a way to spice up our sex life. Or at least that’s what I thought, but as time wore on, my husband began mentioning things like wanting to be my slave. It wasn’t long before I realized there was more to this kink than met the eye.
After about seven years of playing on and off, I decided if I was to give this lifestyle a serious chance I needed to a) Be good at it and, b) Get something out of it for myself.
The first thing I did was take my husband to a Pro Domme so that she could teach me how to do things right. I found her on line. She said she was a Female Supremacist and that was the first time I had ever heard that term. This woman was beautiful and sophisticated. She was intelligent and was actually a Lawyer who was a Pro Domme on the side. Practicing law was her career, dominating men professionally was her hobby.
Meeting her and equating such an intelligent and beautiful woman with the term Female Supremacist really got my juices flowing and I thirsted to know more. It was the Pro Domme that told me about Elise Sutton’s website. She recommended I read that it over because she felt a lot of my questions were addressed on the site.
I corresponded with Elise Sutton via e-mail for a few years and later we exchanged phone numbers and eventully we met in person. Elise taught me things like taking pride in being a female. This was meshed together with dominating my husband and doing my own social research. It was quickly evident to me that women had it “all over” men and not just sexually. Of course, that is usually how it starts out. In the beginning, it’s the woman’s sexual appeal that attracts the male but an intelligent woman knows how to use ALL her womanly wiles to get what she wants out of a man, even as he knows perfectly well what she is doing, yet allowing her to do it anyway.
That was the real beginning of my personal journey into the world of FemDom. My journey led me to becoming a phone Mistress for a few years and I even tried my hand at professional Domination. I later became the Head Mistress for the Maryland/DC chapter of ClubFem.
It’s been an interesting ride, these past two decades, with many ups and downs. This blog will be my way of sharing what I have learned about this lifestyle. I hope my experiences (past and present) will benefit others.