Saturday, June 25, 2011

ClubFEM (Females Enslaving Males)

By 2002, I was seeking to make friends within the lifestyle for support, education, friendship, etc. Try as I might to find a group that was a good fit for me, I kept turning up empty-handed. Then I remembered the woman I had met at the BR-2000. She was the one who mentioned ClubFEM.

Females Enslaving males (ClubFEM) was started in late 1992 in Houston, Texas by a FemDom couple, Mistress Dee and her husband/slave Gene. I contacted ClubFEM and they convinced me to start my own chapter as they lacked a branch in the Mid-Atlantic.

The first step was to build a website. I was fortunate in that I was able to pattern my website after the ClubFEM website from the national branch in Houston. They had already established club rules and club protocol and I was able to copy their model for my chapter. I simply posted the ClubFEM rules and protocol on my site, along with a little biographical data about myself. Elise Sutton was kind enough to post a link to my site and in a matter of weeks I began to receive e-mails from couples in southern Pennsylvania, Maryland, Washington DC and Northern Virginia who were interested in joining a group like ClubFEM. It was heartening to see that so many other people were interested in the female domination lifestyle.

I began to set up meetings with each couple that were interested in joining ClubFEM. Initially, my husband and I met each couple separately for dinner at an agreed upon restaurant so we could verify that they were compatible with my vision for a female domination support group. This proved to be slow going as it was difficult to work all of these interview meetings into my schedule. The other major challenge that I faced was finding a place to host the ClubFEM socials.

I had contacted a few Pro Dommes in the Baltimore and DC metro areas and I inquired about using their dungeons to hold a monthly social. Unfortunately most Pro Dommes need their place on the weekend so that did not materialize. Next, I contacted a couple of commercial dungeon/play spaces about renting a place for our ClubFEM socials. This did not pan out either because of the cost and we didn’t have enough couples to make it affordable. I didn’t want ClubFEM to be a financial strain on our members.

In the course of trying to locate a suitable play space, some of the couples we had met with and who were gung-ho about joining, dropped out of sight. One couple moved away, another couple became active in the Black Rose and another couple simply developed cold feet. I began to realize why there were no female domination groups in the Maryland/DC area. But just about the time I was ready to give up I received more e-mails from couples who were interested in joining. I talked with some of the ladies on the phone and I could see that there was a real enthusiasm and a real need for a female domination group.

This time I decided that instead of meeting each couple one on one, I would hold a ‘Meet and Greet’ in the backroom of a centrally located restaurant. Anyone who wanted to join ClubFEM would have to attend this Meet and Greet.

I booked the room, set the date and crossed my fingers. To my delight, we had a packed house and every couple exceeded my expectations. I knew right away that this was going to be a great group. The women were intelligent, sharp and attractive and the men were dedicated to their women. I had never expected such an upwardly mobile group of people at a gathering for an alternative lifestyle.

The Meet and Greet went splendidly as we all shared with each other how we got involved in the female domination lifestyle and we tossed back and forth some ideas about where we could host our ClubFEM gatherings. I explained the costs involved with renting a commercial dungeon/play space or a hotel suite. The group agreed that neither setting was what they desired. Finally, toward the end of the Meet and Greet, a couple offered their home. They lived in Northern Virginia, close to Dulles Airport. It would be a lengthy drive for some of the couples but it was unanimous that everyone was willing to cover the distance once a month in order to be a part of ClubFEM.

The couple that so kindly offered to host the monthly socials was Mistress Alex and her submissive hubby, Steve. My husband and I would soon become close friends with these wonderful people. Not only did they open their home to host ClubFEM, but they also offered for my husband and I to spend the night, since we had the longest drive. It was during these times of staying over after ClubFEM, and having breakfast the following morning, that we developed a special relationship with Alex and Steve.

ClubFEM was a hit from the start as every couple that attended the Meet and Greet showed up for the first social at Alex and Steve’s home. The women socialized in the living room while the men cooked and prepared dinner. The men served the women by filling our drink glasses and once dinner was ready, the men served the women first before they were able to partake. What a wonderful social reversal this was. How many times I had attended church and community functions where the women congregated to the kitchen to prepare food while the men socialized. But at the ClubFEM socials the women did the socializing and the men were the servers.

Each week the socials followed a similar format. The first half of the social was about socializing, building relationships, sharing ideas and stories, and having the more experienced among us answer any questions that were asked by the newcomers to the female domination lifestyle. It was truly a support group. After we ate, following the tradition of the other ClubFEM chapters, I would call ‘Protocol’ and the real fun began.

During the first couple of socials, some people struggled with the second half of our ClubFEM socials because they had never been around a room full of women dressed in fetish attire while the men were practically naked with the exceptions of their slave collars, wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and only a thong or chastity device or a pair of panties. It was perfectly understandable that a few of the women were uneasy. After all, for ninety minutes you are sitting with a group of people dressed in street clothes; chatting, laughing, and behaving like any other group of friends or associates would in a domestic setting. Then in a matter of minutes, this same group of people are now sitting in the same room but the entire setting has been transformed as the women are wearing leather and the men are collared and on leashes.

For some people, it took a few socials before they totally overcame their anxiety, and sadly two couples never did return. But on the whole, the group was a smashing success. Most people came month in and month out and our membership continued to grow as new couples were joining.

For each social a theme is agreed upon ahead of time by the members such as Show and Tell, Medical Exam, Contests, Special Guest Speaker, etc. These plays times can last for a couple hours before people begin filtering out and heading home. Again, the idea was to have fun but to also learn from each other, be accountable to each other, be available for those experiencing problems or who have questions about the lifestyle, etc.

When it was possible, some people would hang around afterwards and engage in chit chat, getting to know one another better. Relationships were what my chapter of ClubFEM was all about.

I always enjoyed our Show and Tell nights the best because everyone got to participate. It was great to watch the Dommes getting excited about their toys as they described how they used them on their submissives when they were at home.

Another fantastic social was the night all the Dommes wore strap-ons around their waists and the subs took turns being used by all the women at once. One of the ladies (usually the wife or girlfriend) took the sub from behind while another Mistress made him suck her dildo and still another Mistress was verbally abusing the poor soul while striking him with whatever tool of discipline she had in her hand at the time. I think every man that night went into subspace.

But my lasting memory from that night was when Mistress Alex ‘took’ her slave husband Steve in every room in the house while the rest of us ladies followed them and watched. She ‘took’ him over the couch in the living room, she ‘took’ him over the dining room table, she ‘took’ him over the kitchen counter top, she ‘took’ him on her bed, and when they walked from room to room, the dildo never left her strap-on and it never left his rectum. They walked in perfect rhythm together.

Another great night was when we had the Pro Domme, Mistress Tyler from DC, as our guest speaker. She was awesome and spent nearly two hours speaking to us and demonstrating various techniques she uses on her clients. Each time she did a demo a different sub volunteered to be her victim, um, assistant.

Our group flourished for a couple of years but unfortunately, like all good things, nothing stays the same. Alex and Steve had to move abroad for Steve’s career so we had to find a new place to host our socials. I organized another Meet and Greet at a downtown Baltimore restaurant and during the changeover we lost some couples but we gained many new people, including a dynamic single woman named Lisa.

One of the new couples that attended the Meet and Greet offered their home for the next ClubFEM social. It was exciting to have a new venue with so many new people in attendance. That social was another great time as we did Show and Tell and some of the demonstrations included rope bondage, Queening (with the help of the host couple’s personal Queening chair), feminization and male chastity. I think everyone had a great time.

It was during this period of time that I decided to hand the reigns of the group over to someone else. I chose Lisa and she has done some wonderful new things with the group. The group became known as the DC Metro chapter of ClubFEM. There was also a Baltimore chapter, so what was once one group in the MD/DC/VA area became two groups.

We stayed members of Lisa’s group for the first year but we rarely attended because of the distance. Eventually we stopped going all together. Today there are nineteen chapters of ClubFEM in existence in the US and Canada.

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