The Blue Angel

I love to dominate my husband and I sometimes lust for that wonderful feeling of having total power and control over him. I enjoy the occasional thrill of humiliating a man and bringing him down a peg or two. I confess that it makes me wet. However, I love my husband and it pains me to see him suffer any real emotional hurt. For at the end of the day, I participate in this lifestyle with him because it is beneficial to the both of us. My dominance over him and his submission to me work to bring harmony within our marriage. We complete each other.

Nonetheless, I am well aware of men who seek to be so thoroughly dominated that the woman completely strips them of all human dignity. When I did phone calls some of my clients shared this secret desire with me. They wanted a woman to take total control and humiliate them and degrade them until all dignity and self-worth was shattered. Why would a man want that? Why would a woman want to do that? This intrigues me and I know it exists and I know it happens out there.

To fantasize about it or to role-play intense humiliation games can be perfectly healthy and a heck of a lot of fun. However, to allow it to develop into a relationship where the woman strips the man of all dignity and all self-esteem as a human being, it develops into an extreme expression of female domination that is not healthy and can be very dangerous.

What is the breaking point? How far can a woman push a man into the depths of humiliation or into ruin or shame before he loses his mind and possibly goes insane? That brings me to the movie I’ve chosen to review for Predominant. I was unaware of the 1930 German film, “The Blue Angel” until a reader of my blog wrote me and suggested this movie. To quote him,

“Thanks for your priority for dramatic quality over fetish content. Did you consider ‘The Blue Angel’ made in 1930 in Germany with Marlene Dietrich? I saw this decades ago and not since, but recall it as a stunning, somewhat creepy tale of a man who gives up every shred of dignity and respect to grovel at the feet of the luscious Marlene's haughty and uncaring cabaret singer.”

Naturally this interested me so I looked it up and found it on Amazon. I downloaded the movie (I might have to buy the DVD later for my private movie collection) and I have to tell you that I was impressed with the acting, the feel, and the overall quality of the film. You have to keep in mind that this movie was made in 1930 and it was Joseph Sternberg and Emil Janning’s first entry into the uncertain realm of talking films.  So don’t expect “Citizen Kane” quality but nonetheless it is an excellent movie. I was leaning toward giving it 4 out of 5 stars but on reflection, I think I’m going to give it 5 stars.

Emil Jannings was very good in “The Blue Angel” but Dietrich stole the show. From the sultriness and dominance of Lola to the intensity with which she is played, Dietrich captivated the audience.  How much of this was Sternberg, his sense of the mechanics of a temptress and his skillfulness in surrounding such a creature with a steamy atmosphere, and how much of it was Dietrich has been debated.

Certainly it was the fantasies of a man, in this case Sternberg, who created the scenes where a dominant female could flourish. He created the scenes where Dietrich did obscene things (for a 1930 audience) such as the casual changing and tossing of her panties, having her grossly spitting into her mascara box, having her drop cigarettes under her dressing table and making Jannings get down and pick them up so that he will be within inches of her bare legs and her neighboring erogenous zone.  It was Sternberg who gave Dietrich the cruel lines, "You've come back; they always do", when the proud college professor returns to her dressing room.  And it was he who directed Lola's sudden and viciously switch from seductress to Humiliatrix on their wedding night.

But it is Dietrich's magnetism, her way of sinking her eyes behind a curtain, her way of teasing men as she flaunts her sexuality, and her ability to blend just the right tones of ‘Men cluster to me like moths around a flame. And if their wings burn, I know I'm not to blame’ as she sings "Falling in Love Again".

Evidently Emil Jannings chose the book “Professor Unrat” by Heinrich Mann because it followed the general line of the kind of stories in which he had made popular. These were stories of fallen idols, men of substance and authority who, for one reason or another (usually because of women), were reduced to ruin and shame.

"Professor Unrat” was a story of a renowned school teacher who lost his position and social standing when he married a demimonde singer (Rosa) and thereafter disgraced himself. Rosa seduces the professor, beginning a relationship with him that sees him catering to her every wish: expensive restaurants, new clothing, a furnished flat, even sorting her laundry.

Eventually he is fired from his position, marries Rosa, and after two years of this marriage, Raat is financially ruined. A friend of Rosa's suggests that Raat give ‘lectures’, which serve as a cover for Rosa to discreetly entertain male clientele in the professor's formerly respectable home. By the end of the book he is reduced to a man that runs through the streets of town where he is mocked and ridiculed.

With Mann's complete endorsement and the nominal collaborative help of three German writers, the director prepared a screenplay which departed considerably from Mann's original story.  His changes were mainly in the cutting of the latter part, updating it and reshaping the role of the woman. As a consequence, it was critical who they got for an actress to play the lead female role, whom they changed the name from Rosa to Lola.

Sternberg originally wanted prominent German actress, Greta Massine, to play the crucial role. When he couldn't get her, he fretted about finding an actress who could portray the right blend of sexuality, femininity, dominance, and cruelty. In 1929, Sternberg wandered into a Berlin cabaret and spotted a woman singing. He was so captivated by her performance that he arranged to give her a screen test for the part of Lola. Her name was Marlene Dietrich and the rest as they say is movie history. This role would launch Dietrich into stardom.

After the success of “The Blue Angel” there followed an amazing collaboration between Dietrich and Sternberg and they made six memorable films together for Paramount in Hollywood; “Morocco”, “Dishonored”, “Blonde Venus”, “Shanghai Express”, “The Scarlet Empress” and “The Devil is a Woman”.

Dietrich’s sexuality, dominance and screen presence, combined with Sternberg’s photography and supreme lighting, mixed in with the sexy costumes created by Travis Banton, all became a recipe to create films that have never been equaled and have stood the test of time. “Morocco” was a particularly notable film as this was Marlene’s first appearance wearing a suit/trousers combo which would become her trademark, and the woman to woman kiss that appeared in the film also caused a stir at the time.

In the final evaluation, “The Blue Angel” has a moral. It is a tale of caution to the man that wants to be stripped of all his value and worth as a human by a woman. It was heart-wrenching watching the Professor's total humiliation at the end of this film. You could feel his shame and emotional pain as Lola orders him to publically debase himself on stage as a clown in front of people who once admired him (while Lola flirts with another man who would become her new lover).  

Humiliation can be fun and it can be a tool that a dominant woman uses to take the male ego down a peg or two, but there must be limits because every person has a breaking point. I’ve heard of the stories of women forcing their reluctant husbands into extreme humiliation, such as forced-bi with another man all for the wife’s entertainment. And there is extreme financial domination where a Mistress takes a man for all of his money, leaving him both broken and broke.

As Sergeant Phil Esterhaus used to say on “Hill Street Blues";

'Hey, let's be careful out there.’

A date with myself

It’s Saturday and I need a “me” day. Chase called me twice this week and he wants to see me again this weekend. James has been all lovey dovey since his strap-on session the other night. He wants to spend the day with me. And an old male “friend” contacted me this week. He’s going to be in the DC area and wanted to know if we could hook up. My, aren’t I the popular one?

Sorry boys. No can do. I am going to spend the afternoon and evening alone, shopping. There is a pleasant town an hour north of where I live and they have a nice shopping mall and some outlets. I called a girlfriend to see if she wanted to come with me but she had other plans. Just as well. I like shopping alone because I can take my time and browse without worrying about the other person. I thought about taking James and having him be my personal shopping servant but I need some things done around the house. So his day will consist of cleaning the house and doing laundry.

James looked like a lost puppy when I told him the news. I didn’t want to leave him like that so I had him lay across my lap and I gave him a sensual but still firm bare hand spanking while I instructed him on his list of chores for the weekend. Then I took off my panties and had him put them on. That will be a nice reminder to him that I am in charge even when I’m not here to supervise.

I’m not sure what I’ll get into tonight but it’s another hot one and usually after a day (and evening) of shopping I’m in the mood to just chill. I’m sure I’ll need my feet rubbed tonight and maybe a massage will be in order.

Kathleen meets Elise Sutton

I first communicated with Elise back in the late 90’s. She offered e-mail counseling and I paid her for the right to communicate with her. I know that sounds kind of crazy but I admired her and I was desperate for a mentor. We wrote back and forth weekly and her help to me was invaluable. After the agreed upon timeframe was over, Elise continued to communicate with me, free of charge. She encouraged me to do the phone counseling and to accept Dee and Gene’s offer to become the Head Mistress of ClubFEM when it became apparent that no one else was going to step forward. Elise helped me to expand my horizons when I lacked the confidence.

I’d estimate that 90% of my correspondence with Elise over the years has been by e-mail. But I have talked with her over the phone and I’ve met her in-person on several occasions. I corresponded with Elise for almost three years before talking with her over the phone. It never entered my mind that Elise was anything other than she claimed to be. Call it a gut feeling that proved to be correct. Maybe I was naïve in those days but I didn’t have to meet her in person. My husband pestered me about it, not because he doubted her but because he was like most other men, he was dying to know what she looked like. I refused to get caught up in this but inevitably the need to talk to her over the phone became a must when she asked me to do phone calls for her.

I finally got the chance to meet her in person in the summer of 2003. We met for dinner in the DC area, just she and I, no husbands. I felt like I was meeting my long lost sister, that’s how close I felt to her at the time. So there I was, having dinner with the legendary Elise Sutton, my FemDom mentor, and if you would have been a fly on the wall in that restaurant do you know what you would have heard us two dominant women talking about? Dogs! We mostly talked about our love for our pets. We didn’t talk about domming our husbands, we didn’t discuss female supremacy, and we didn’t talk about D/s or FemDom. We were just two friends having dinner.

I next saw Elise in person at a gathering in Las Vegas in 2005. When the e-zine “Predominant” first started back in 2005 I was one of four other women that assisted her. We all met in Las Vegas in the autumn of 2005, all expenses paid thanks to Elise. One night we all went out to dinner and Elise told us stories about how she was active in the BDSM community back in the late 80’s under a different scene name. She told us about the parties and S&M clubs she used to frequent “in the day”.

Elise threw out names of Mistresses she was once close to, none of whom meant a thing to me but my husband was familiar with some of the names because he used to buy FemDom magazines back in the 80’s before he ever met me. James said some of the names Elise mentioned were Mistresses he used to fantasize about from their pictures in the magazines. 

It was on this trip to Vegas that we all went to see the kinky show “Fashionistas” at Krave nightclub, located on the side of the Aladdin Hotel and Casino (now Planet Hollywood) on Harmon Avenue. I reviewed the show for the December 2005 issue of “Predominant”.

 

 

The last time I saw Elise was four years ago when James and I had dinner with Elise and her husband. I wish I could write of wild times and share how Elise and I dominated a bunch of men or all the fun we had domming our husbands, but the truth is I’ve never ‘played’ with Elise nor have I ever witnessed her within a D/s scene.

People still write me asking questions about Elise. To my knowledge most of the rumors that have circulated around the internet about Elise are false but I can’t answer most of the questions because quite frankly, although I’ve been an associate of hers for over a decade, I can’t say that I really know the woman outside of her FemDom persona. I can say that she is an attractive, mature woman with a very sweet personality. From all indications, based on my personal observations, Elise believes what she writes and she writes what she believes.

She told me she got bored with the BDSM scene and in the 90’s a new career opportunity made her seek anonymity. She decided to promote FemDom by writing and sharing her philosophy and experiences using the internet. Obviously Elise Sutton is not her real name. I have no idea what her real name might be and I’ve never asked.

We rarely communicate these days and my only dealing with her is when I submit my column for “Predominant”. I’m not sure how much longer I will continue to do that. Every year I tell myself this is going to be my last but I guess I feel obligated for all that she did for me in those early years when I was a total novice.

I’ll close here by saying I have always found Elise to be honest and trustworthy when it came to my dealings with her. I will always have a high opinion of Elise and I will always be grateful to her for all the time she took mentoring me. 

Strap-on session

Last night I had a serious discussion with my hubby about what transpired Saturday night. He confessed to me that he found it to be an erotic experience as he listened to me “getting it on” with my date in the guest bedroom. However, he also admitted to me that he has struggled with it a little this week. It was a very constructive discussion and I saw his point about his fear of someone seeing Chase's car in our driveway and noticing me going out with him for breakfast the next day. I also see his point about my spontaneous actions of giving James the false impression that I was going to allow him the honor of orally pleasuring me but instead I left him hanging and went to be with my date. This caused James some anxiety about the situation.

Nevertheless, I pointed out to my husband that it was my decision and I enjoy having the freedom to be spontaneous when the mood strikes me. Negotiating limits is important within a FemDom marriage but in my mind those limits have long ago been established. James has consented to my right to be with other men so I don’t have to get his “blessing” each and every time a situation presents itself. If I were to do that, then he would be the dominant partner. He agreed with me as I explained this to him but I still felt he needed a reminder of his place in this marriage.

I was going through old e-mails and I recently came across one that Hillary had sent me many years ago about how she loved to change things up when she dominated her husband by using different rooms in the house, different furniture, different scenarios and so on and so forth. I felt like my husband needed a healthy dose of my strap-on but I didn’t want to do it on the bed. I wanted something different and something special.

I took him to the computer room and after he was naked, I had him bend over the desk. I tied his hands so they were spread out on top of the desk, running the rope under the desk and tying it to the legs of the desk. His ass was nice and accessible. The A/C was on full blast so it was cold in the room. I went and put on a pair of tight leather pants and strapped my harness around my waist. I selected a dildo a little bigger than the one I used on him the last time.

I carefully lubricated his anus using a latex glove and some KY jelly. Then I grabbed his shoulders and eased the dildo into him gently. Once it was in there, I began to take him forcefully, very forcefully, grabbing the sides of the desk to give me more leverage.

As I was “taking” my hubby I explained to him again, in no uncertain terms, how I make the decisions on what happens when I’m on a date. I reminded James that he can trust me to keep his interests in the forefront of my mind and that I have never abused that trust. I was then able to get him to surrender his insecurities and male ego over to me by verbally consenting that I’m allowed to be intimate with other men, even if that means doing it across the hall from his bedroom and making him listen in. I reminded James that he should be happy for me when I am with someone who is giving me pleasure.

The strap-on got my points across and James became very docile and compliant to all that I was saying. I even told him he could climax if he could do it from the stimulation of my strap-on. He tried, and he said he was close, but he couldn’t do it. I gave him more than an ample chance but he couldn’t do it, so I withdrew the dildo and untied him. “Lesson learned”, I told him and I ordered him to get dress.

I changed and retired to the living room to watch television. James prepared a snack and a drink for me. I could tell he was in a happy place. We both were. 

The mysterious Dr. Jane Foxx

In a previous post I talked about the challenges in finding like-minded FemDom couples. One of the lessons I learned through these experiences was that quite often it was the submissive husband who made the initial contact with me, pretending to be his wife. That kind of clued me in on what was going on out there. I wasted too much time corresponding with men who pretended they were women. I hope they got something out of it because I didn’t.

In another post I shared how I used to interview some of the women featured in “Predominant”. I wish I could say that every woman that contacted us was legit but that wasn’t the case. During the verification process we uncovered our share of ‘pretenders’ (to put it nicely). When it came time to get a phone number or schedule a meeting, all of a sudden the e-mails stopped and we knew we had been communicating with a man. Some of these guys went to great lengths to deceive us.

That brings me to the strange experience of the mysterious Dr. Jane Foxx. It was 2005 and we were putting together the March issue of Predominant. Hillary was interviewed in January and I was interviewed in February. Lilly was planning on being interviewed in March but Elise had been communicating with a woman who was anxious to be interviewed so she could plug her books at the same time. Her name was Dr. Jane Foxx (she claimed to have a Ph. D. in Educational Philosophy) and she donated her latest novel “Females in Control” to Predominant. We were still new so having an erotic and well written piece of FemDom fiction to add to the e-zine was a big plus.

Jane Foxx said she lived in the Columbus, Ohio area so Elise asked me if I would handle the interview and the verification process. Jane kept coming up with excuses as to why she couldn’t meet me but she said she was more than willing to be verified over the phone. We were running up against a deadline so I agreed. I talked with her and was satisfied so we ran her interview in Predominant along with a few chapters from her novel. All seemed kosher.

However, a few months later Jane Foxx began writing me. She sent me copies of some of her books and she wanted to communicate. I was in the middle of a lot of stuff in 2005 so I didn’t really have the time but whenever she would write I would reply back out of common courtesy. Then she began to make strange requests. She wanted to exchange videotapes of us dominating men. She actually mailed me a video of her dominating one of her clients. It was very hardcore stuff and you could tell it was an amateur production. In return she wanted me to mail her a videotape of me dominating my husband. She said we could wear masks to hide our faces (on her videotape the woman and the man were wearing masks).

Naturally I declined. There was no way I was going to do this. Later that Fall all of us gals of Predominant met in Las Vegas. I told Elise about my dealings with Jane Foxx which made her suspicious. She told me not to communicate with her any more. Elise had her own doubts about Jane because she had made similar ‘strange’ requests of her. That is why Elise ended up running only the first two installments of Jane’s novel in Predominant. It was originally going to run the whole year but Jane’s unusual requests were a caution flag so Elise pulled the plug. In its place Elise began to run original fiction from well-known FemDom author Wayne C. Rogers. Elise and Wayne had been communicating with each other and he offered to contribute his work to the e-zine.

Then about a year later, Elise received an e-mail from a woman in Louisville, Kentucky. Elise knew her because she had interviewed her for her first book “Female Domination”. In 2002, when Elise was writing her book, this Mistress from Louisville was one of the few American women Elise found who had actually been to the Other World Kingdom. In 2006 the Louisville Mistress ordered the back issues of Predominant 2005 and came across our interview with Jane Foxx. The Louisville Mistress immediately contacted Elise. She said Jane was not what she appeared to be. Or, to be more exact, Jane was not what ‘he’ appeared to be.

She claimed that Jane Foxx was one of her former clients and he was a submissive male (she would not give his name). She said he was an intelligent man who was a college professor and he liked to write FemDom novels from the Mistress’ point of view. He created the character Jane Foxx in one of his earliest novels and he identified with her so much that he made her the author of the novel (and the many novels that were to follow). To market the books he posted on message boards, he advertised on websites where other reputable Dommes advertised, and he wrote more fiction that was heavy on lesbian FemDom encounters. His ads were accompanied by pictures of a petite redheaded Mistress holding a whip or wearing an outrageously long strap-on.

In doing research, we discovered that the Mistress on Jane’s book covers was a professional Dominatrix from Toronto, named Lady Domina.

I was flabbergasted. ‘How can that be?’ I said, ‘I talked to Jane Foxx over the phone.’

According to the Louisville Mistress, her former male client regularly paid professional Mistresses to pretend to be the fictitious Jane Foxx whenever someone requested to talk with her over the phone. He asked her to do this but she refused. But she said there were plenty of professional Mistresses in Columbus who would be more than willing if the money was right.

(After we came into this revelation, unless it was a high-profile Mistress with an impeccable reputation, we conducted all Predominant interviews in person.)

 ‘But who was the woman and the man on the video Jane sent me?’ That we don’t know for sure. The Louisville Mistress believed (without seeing the video) that he may have paid a professional Mistress to do an amateur video with one of her clients, and he then used that video to swap it for other videos with lifestyle couples.

Mystery solved, right? Probably, but I still can’t say with 100% accuracy. Jane Foxx resurfaced claiming that the Mistress from Louisville and other Dommes were trying to discredit her because a wealthy former client of the Louisville Mistress became one of Jane Foxx’s personal slaves. Jane admitted to using another Mistress’ pictures (Lady Domina from Toronto) but she said she did that because she didn’t want to jeopardize her job at the college where she taught. But now she is retired so she is free to use her ‘real picture’ on her books.

Who’s telling the truth? At this juncture in my life it doesn’t really matter to me but I’m inclined to believe the Louisville Mistress. She proved to be a reliable source and Elise personally vouched for her. 

Jane Foxx is still around selling books and if you ‘google’ the name you will find her (his) books (most are now e-books). For the record, my husband read all of the books Jane sent me and he said they were excellent. I only read one of her (his) books, “Female Whips ‘n Kisses”, and I must admit that I liked it. Jane Foxx is a talented writer and if you’re into hardcore lesbian FemDom you’ll probably enjoy her (his) books. Just be mindful that the author may very well be a man pretending to be a dominant lesbian.

Men masquerading as dominant women is nothing new. From what I’ve been told, men used to place personal ads in S&M magazines pretending to be Mistresses back as far as the 1970’s and 1980’s. They must have gotten a thrill receiving inquiries from fellow submissive men all over the world. I guess it fed their personal fantasies.

The internet makes this more common place and with all the role-playing, Sims games, avatars and anonymity of the internet, the gender lines easily get blurred. I guess it doesn’t really hurt anyone if on a blog or website someone pretends to be something other than they really are. I’m not condemning anybody who chooses to do this as long as their intent isn’t to defraud anyone. However, I feel the effect of this is a fantasy laden existence that actual dominant women can never live up to. It’s obvious that men do this because, in their minds, there aren’t enough authentic dominant women out there, hence they invent their own.

The Mormon sex in chains case

In seeking a movie to review for the next issue of “Predominant” I came across the trailer for a documentary that is being released this weekend. It’s called “Tabloid” and here is the synopsis:

“Cupid drew a sharply aimed arrow when he spied a South Carolina-born beauty queen and future tabloid superstar named Joyce McKinney, the subject of Errol Morris' latest quirky documentary. In 1975, 25-year-old McKinney was driving around Provo, Utah, behind the wheel of her Corvette when she saw the man of her dreams behind the wheel of his own 'Vette: 19-year-old Kirk Anderson. He relocated to England to do missionary work and to steer clear of the obsessed Southern belle.

But, in McKinney's eyes her man had disappeared and needed finding. She traveled to England where she abducted Anderson outside a Mormon church 25 miles southeast of London. She then whisked him to a cottage in Devon, chained him to a bed and embarked on a three-day period where she used Anderson as her sex slave (according to Anderson) in an attempt to rescue him from the Mormon religion. Two years later, McKinney jumped bail prior to her kidnapping trial. And that's only part of the story told by Morris' "Tabloid."

Morris follows the salacious adventures of this beauty queen with an IQ of 168 whose single-minded devotion to the man of her dreams leads her across the globe, into jail, and onto the front page. A vivid portrayal of a phenomenally driven woman whose romantic obsessions and delusions catapult her over the edge into scandal sheet notoriety and an unimaginable life.”

I had never heard of Joyce McKinney so I looked her up. I found this on Wikipedia under the title ‘The Mormon sex in chains case’.

"A young Mormon missionary named Kirk Anderson went missing in 1977, after he was allegedly abducted from the steps of a meetinghouse of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. A few days later a freed Anderson made a report to the police that he had been abducted, driven to Devon, and imprisoned against his will, chained to a bed in a cottage, where he alleged that Joyce Bernann McKinney, a former Miss Wyoming World, had abducted, attempted to seduce, and then raped him. The case became known by sobriquets, including "The Mormon sex in chains case" and "The Case of the Manacled Mormon."

I realize that kidnapping a man against his will and then using him as a sex slave is not FemDom (Okay, it is FemDom but it’s not a nice thing to do). In reading some of the articles about this case it is clear that McKinney has a different version. She says that Anderson liked kinky sex and could only do it if he was tied up (now that’s definitely FemDom).

Either way I think this film is "Predominant” worthy but I’ll have to wait before I can review it because it’s not playing where I live. I’ll have to wait until it comes out on DVD but if it’s in your area, you might want to check it out.

Here is the trailer for “Tabloid”. It looks like an entertaining film.

Finding like-minded FemDom couples

Between 2001 and 2007, I advertised looking for like-minded FemDom couples. Elise had a section on her site where like-minded couples could communicate with each other. I began this search prior to starting my chapter of ClubFEM and I probably received three or four dozen replies from FemDom couples looking for like-minded people in the Mid-Atlantic area of the United States. The problem was none of the couples were close to where I lived. It seemed that everyone was spread out and it took a four, five, six hour drive (and sometimes even longer) to meet.

I guess it makes sense if you think about it. If you live in a large metropolitan area there are already avenues you can take to meet like-minded couples because most cities have BDSM and D/s groups. And there are sites like collarme.com and alt.com that provide personal ads for the D&S lifestyle.

The couples who lived in more rural and secluded areas were the most likely to contact me because they were not looking for hardcore BDSM players but were seeking a discreet FemDom couple to share ideas with and perhaps “play” with from time to time. That’s what I was looking for.

We probably met two dozen couples in a seven year period. Sometimes we drove to meet them, sometimes they traveled to meet us, and there were a few instances where we met a couple halfway. The initial meeting was always at a restaurant or a nice bar. About half the time we never saw the couple again after that initial meeting. This was due to a variety of reasons. Either the distance was just too darn far or there just wasn’t enough chemistry to pursue future relations. Sometimes a couple kept in touch through e-mail to share ideas and ask questions but they had no interested in “playing” with us.

Then there were the couples that we did “play” with. They were definitely a mixed bag. Not every experience was fulfilling and some were downright frustrating. My husband and I met people from all economic, political and social backgrounds.

One of the lessons I learned through these experiences was that very often it was the submissive husband who made the initial contact with me, pretending to be his wife. There were men who couldn’t wait to meet another FemDom couple but their wives were not as enthused. I picked up on this almost immediately when I talked to the wife over the phone. Some of these women were literally dragged kicking and screaming by their husbands into this lifestyle.

One of the more pleasant surprises I had was when I met Lady Jane and her husband, Steve. They were from North Carolina. I suspected Steve was the one who initially corresponded with me, pretending to be his wife. And when I talked with Jane over the phone, she was a woman of few words. I figured this was going to be another situation where the wife’s heart was not into meeting another FemDom couple but she was going along to appease her husband. 

Jane and Steve drove five hours to meet us at a local restaurant. They originally said they were going to be passing through our town and wanted to know if we could meet them. We agreed but they later admitted (after dinner) they had driven the five hours for the sole purpose of meeting us. It’s astonishing what some people will do to meet like-minded FemDom couples.

What became apparent during dinner was that Jane was indeed dominant and in charge of her marriage. Jane and Steve were about ten to fifteen years older than James and I. Jane was a school teacher and Steve ran his own business (or at least that is what they told us). Jane was a full-figured lady with a very pretty and youthful face for a woman in her early fifties. Steve was tall with a slender albeit athletic build. Jane was the opposite than she was over the phone. She was very talkative at the restaurant and she conveyed a serious and strict demeanor toward Steve.

After dinner, we went to the parking lot and sat in their SUV so we could all talk more freely. That is when Jane told us that Steve was a sissy and she referred to him as Stephanie. I felt very comfortable around this couple but my husband was a little uneasy as the conversation was almost entirely about Steve’s life as Jane’s sissy. I have always enjoyed the occasional forced feminization session with James because I could tell he felt humiliated by the process.

James has never been comfortable around men dressed as sissies, for whatever reason, but I have always loved being around sissies. The first time I attended a BDSM event I thought the sissies were adorable. I wanted one. I didn’t necessarily want my husband to be one but I have always wanted a sissy to serve me domestically. It isn’t feasible right now with the location of our house, our family situation and our overall lifestyle but in the future I still wouldn’t mind adding a sissy to my household, even if it’s on a part-time basis.

A few days after our dinner with Jane and Steve, Jane wrote me and invited James and I down to spend a weekend at their place. James was against it but I overruled him. I wanted to witness this couple in the comfort of their own home setting.

We eventually made the drive down south. Jane and Steve had a lovely home in the country and they put us up in a beautifully decorated guest room. We arrived late Friday night so all we did that night was talk, and not about FemDom. We talked about their house and the place they lived and their plans to retire within the next few years. It was all very pleasant. We were weary from the drive so we went to bed a couple hours after our arrival. But the next day was a different story.

I got up first and I found out that Steve was no more.  He was Stephanie and he was wearing a sissy maid outfit and a blonde wig as he prepared our breakfast. Stephanie was adorable with smooth, shaven legs, wearing white stockings and a black and white PVC maid outfit. Stephanie was actually a prettier woman than Steve was a handsome man. I never would have thought that night at the restaurant that such a tall, athletic looking man could be so cute as a woman. But he was.

Stephanie waited on and pampered me and Jane all weekend long. He was a real Susie homemaker. We had a tea party where he served me and Jane cookies and tea. He cooked all three meals each day and they were fantastic. He gave us foot rubs, foot baths and foot massages.

The biggest challenge I had was James. What was I going to do with my husband? Jane wanted me to feminize him so he could join Stephanie in serving us. She even showed me Stephanie’s sissy wardrobe and said I could pick out an outfit for my hubby. I was tempted but I knew James would embarrass himself because he was nowhere close to being the homemaker that Stephanie was. James is a great submissive, very loyal and obedient, and I’ve domesticated him but I’ve never trained him to be on par with a sissy like Stephanie. That’s why I want my own sissy. They are different than a submissive husband. Sissies thrive at serving their Mistress in a domestic setting. A submissive husband can be trained to be a good cook, to do chores and to be a wonderful obedient servant around the house. But there is something special in a genuine sissy’s sexual DNA when it comes to domestic servitude. 

Instead of feminizing my husband that afternoon at Jane’s house, I ordered him to strip naked and I had him wear a pair of my panties. I brought along a slave collar and wrist and ankle cuffs so I made him put those on and I attached a leash to his collar. I made James knell on the floor beside me and watch as I was pampered by Stephanie. I also did some objectification by using James as my footstool or drink holder. When Stephanie gave me a foot massage, my feet were resting comfortably on my husband’s back.

Saturday night Jane showed me how she disciplines her sissy. Jane and I changed into leather. We both put on leather pants and Jane added a leather halter top and leather gloves to her outfit. I had brought a leather corset but I didn’t feel like going through the ordeal of having James lace it up. Besides, it was humid, even with the AC on. So I settled on wearing a leather bra with no top.

Jane took us down to a room in their basement which had some discipline and bondage furniture such as a spanking bench and a sling. Jane had a nice collection of whips, paddles and canes. Stephanie changed into a pink sissy outfit with a frilly skirt.

Jane strapped him across the bench and began to cane her sissy while we watched. She had him crying and screaming in no time, and he did it in his most feminine sissy voice, a voice that Jane had trained him to use during his discipline sessions. I swear he sounded like a little girl with the way he squealed with each stroke of Jane’s cane. Jane handed me the cane and she watched as I continued his discipline.

Jane’s husband was the main focus of our discipline but we had a great time dominating both men and we broke out the strap-ons and did some double Domming on both husbands. After we were done dominating our husbands, Jane and I retired to the living room where our men served us snacks and drinks. It was a lovely evening.

Stephanie pampered me and Jane all day on Sunday afternoon. We left Sunday evening and James admitted to me on the ride home that he had enjoyed himself. Not that it mattered because I really had a great time with this couple. Jane and her sissy husband were wonderful hosts and I thought that weekend would be the beginning of many future trips to visit our new friends.

Unfortunately, we never made it back. We kept in touch and we were scheduled to visit them again the following summer but the plans fell through. Jane really wanted to meet another couple where the husband was also a sissy. They eventually met another couple where the husband was a sissy and they began to play with them. Jane and I stopped communicating but I will never forget that memorable weekend we spent at their place.

Maybe I will share some of my other favorite adventures with FemDom couples in future posts.

Date night

To follow up on my post from Thursday, the gentleman I talked with over the phone (while hubby was being punished with corner-time) wants to take me out next Saturday night. We have a history that goes back to 2005 and I’m excited about seeing him again. This brings me back to the topic of cuckolding.

I’m going on a date with a male friend. I have no intentions on sleeping with him. What’s most important to me is that my hubby accepts my right to go out with whomever I want, and that includes me having the right to be intimate with whomever I want. That doesn’t mean I’m a Cuckoldress.

If you’ve been reading my blog you know that in the past I slowly trained my hubby to overcome his jealousy and his sense of entitlement when it comes to my body and my social life. This is fun for me because I love having this freedom. What I do with this freedom is my choice. I like going out with men but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m jumping in the sack with them. Should the mood strike me I may become intimate with a date, but intimacy can be dancing, flirting and kissing. It can also mean sex but it doesn’t have to and that’s up to me. It is not up to my husband.

The majority of the women I’ve met in this lifestyle do not cuckold their husbands and most of them don’t seem all that interested in it. I know that may disappoint submissive men reading this but a lot of women like monogamy. A lot of dominant women like monogamy. That’s why we got married in the first place.

I’ve also met my share of women who practice cuckolding in their marriage. Just look at the women who mentored me and it’s a split decision. As far as I know, Elise does not cuckold her husband. Mistress Alex from ClubFEM was against it. Elise’s friend Kay was way against it. On the other hand Mistress Dee, Hillary and Lilly cuckolded their husbands. I had many talks with Hillary about it.

What about me? Let me put it this way. I’ve been intimate with men other than my husband but how intimate is my secret. You know that I’ve dominated other men and I’ve allowed other men to perform oral sex on me. Intercourse is a major line and to some women it is a hard limit when it comes to cuckolding. I’m not comfortable saying if I’ve crossed this line or not because I don’t want other couples reading my blog and saying ‘Ms Kathleen does it so we should do it.’ That just doesn’t sit well with me.

I feel I'm responsible in how I conduct my social life. I feel liberated to be with other men but I am watchful about my actions. If the mood strikes me I don’t feel guilty about what I do and the best part is my husband is comfortable allowing me this freedom. What I do or don’t do on a date is not important. The fact that I’m on a date with another man gives me plenty opportunity to tease and humiliate my husband.

Next Saturday I will be on a date with a male friend and my hubby will be home in a chastity device working on his ‘hubby do’ list. I’ll probably have him help prepare me and dress me for my date. He loves doing this. And should I be intimate with my date (whatever that involves) I will share the details with him, which should make for a great D/s session between me and my husband.

Kathleen meets Whip Girl

I almost forgot about this little FemDom adventure from my past. I was going through my FemDom book and magazine collection and I came across some old copies of DDI magazine. In the one magazine I had marked an ad by a DC Mistress who went by the name ‘Whip Girl’. Her full name is Vendela Zane and in doing a quick search on the internet I see she’s still around cracking her whip. She now lives in the Scranton, PA area but back in the late 90’s she was in Washington DC and then she moved to Baltimore.

I can’t remember which year it was for sure, either 1999 or 2000, but I remember it was in the spring because it was around my husband’s birthday. My experience in 1998 with Mistress Morgan in Pittsburgh was so much fun I decided to take my hubby to visit another professional Mistress. This time it would be a surprise for his birthday. I chose to take him to DC and I must have searched this issue of DDI magazine to find one. I selected Ms Zane because I loved her scene name ‘Whip Girl’. I contacted her and set up the appointment.

Her dungeon was in a big house in a very nice, upper class neighborhood in a DC suburb located in Virginia. The neighborhood made for a perfect surprise because nobody would have suspected that inside this nice home would be room after room full of bondage furniture and equipment. I told James that we were going to see an old friend of mine. We rang the doorbell and you should have seen his face when the leather attired Whip Girl opened the door.

Ms Zane had a completely different look than Mistress Morgan. Both were beautiful women. I would classify Morgan as a sophisticated and eloquent Mistress. Whip Girl was a modern Mistress with the tattoos and the body piercings and a bit of a cocky attitude. I loved her immediately.

I gave her a tribute for a ninety minute session. She spent at least two and half hours with us. She had a ball with my subby hubby and I sat back and was immensely entertained. She placed him in bondage, she teased him, she performed c/b torture on him, she humiliated him and obviously she showed us why she was known as Whip Girl. She whipped my husband with a variety of crops, canes and whips and while she was whipping him she would ask me if he was an obedient husband or not? I told her he could improve in doing more of the housework, so Whip Girl made sure to drive (or should I say whip) that point home to him.

Ms Zane had a marvelous sense of humor and she and I laughed so hard that day as she came up with creative ways to humiliate my husband. My favorite memory from this day was when she made my hubby into a human birthday cake. Seeing it was his birthday, she decided since she didn’t have a cake, she’d make one, and he would be that cake. She placed candles all over his body and lit them so the wax dripped onto his flesh. We sang happy birthday to him (very slowly) while he suffered and then we blew out the candles. It was a fun day and I can’t believe I almost forgot about it. Then again I had my share of wild FemDom experiences over the next decade to occupy my mind.

Funny how one memory will jog another memory. When I met Mistress Alex and her husband Steve from ClubFEM, one night I was sharing the tale of Whip Girl with them and Steve spoke up and told me that he was familiar with that house where Whip Girl had entertained us. Before he met Alex, he served a woman by the scene name of Mistress Ariel. The house belonged to Ariel and her husband and they held FemDom parties there in the late 90’s. According to Steve, Ariel moved and allowed some local Dommes, like Whip Girl, to use the place. But then Ariel sold the house which is why Whip Girl had to search for a new location.

I hope to share more blasts from my past in future posts. 

Corner-time for Hubby

Funny that I just posted a few days ago about ways I punish my hubby. He’s downstairs as I write this with his nose inches from the corner after I just reddened his derriere with my wooden paddle. I know I said I usually use the cane when he’s been disobedient but we’re still getting back into the flow of things and I don’t think he’s ready yet for the dreaded cane.

Why is he being punished? He opened my mail. Technically it wasn’t mail but it was a sealed card that accompanied a lovely bouquet of flowers. He said he wanted to see who sent them because he thought they might have been from a relative (a likely story). The flowers and the lovely card were from a male friend. This friend and I have a history together that goes back to 2005. We’ve not been in touch since 2009. I ran into him this weekend when I was out with my sisters.

My husband knows better. It wasn’t just the opening of my card that got him in trouble. He had a bit of a ‘tude’. We have a ways to go to get back to where we need to be. I ordered him to get my paddle and after a hard, firm spanking he is being further punished with corner-time and he will stay there until I send him to bed. But first, after I finish on the computer, he will have to endure listening to me talking with my male friend as I told him to call me tonight around 10p.m. This should be good training and after I make him listen to my side of the conversation for 10 or 15 minutes, I will send him to bed so I can talk more freely. I’m excited.

My FemDom Movie Reviews

My movie review column is due by the end of July. I have yet to decide on a movie to review and I’m open to suggestions. To be perfectly honest, I believe I’ve already reviewed the all-time best FemDom movies (be they mainstream or cult classic films) for ‘Predominant’ since I began back in 2005. I have a long list of movies with FemDom themes but most are not going to score very high on my recommendation scale for one reason or another.

In finding movies to review for Predominant, I am often tempted to include movies that have but a brief FemDom scene, even if the plot itself has nothing to do with female domination per say. I’ve reviewed movies such as “The Choirboys” and “My Tutor” but I’ve avoided reviewing movies like “Revenge of the Pink Panther”, “Tomcats” and “One Night at McCools”. All of these films have notable FemDom scenes but the FemDom scene must be extraordinary enough (or involve a character whose FemDom persona is important enough) that the one scene (or single character) is what makes the movie memorable, and therefore reviewable.

There are plenty of movies out there with tiny snippets of FemDom and some of these scenes resonate with certain people in a powerful way. And these scenes can really sneak up on you when you least expect it. I’ve noticed that when there is hype for FemDom in a film, usually the movie disappoints. On the other hand, you can be watching a movie that on the surface has nothing to do with female domination, and you’re not expecting to witness a scene that involves female domination, when all of a sudden, there it is.

For example, a few weeks ago I was watching the film “Pirate Radio” which is about a rouge group of DJ’s living together and broadcasting Rock music 24/7 from a boat in the ocean back to England where the law dictates only 30 minutes of Rock or Pop can be played at stations in the country.  I watched this movie strictly for personal entertainment (and the wonderful soundtrack), with FemDom being the furthermost thing from my mind. Yet, to my surprise, out of nowhere arose a juicy little cuckolding scene.

In the movie, one of the DJ’s is a loveable and naïve male named Simon. He announces to his extended family of DJ’s that he is getting married and that she will be joining him on the boat to live with him. The boat is comprised of all males except one woman who is a lesbian. The owner of the pirate station performs the ceremony on the boat and they are all amazed when the young lady, Elenore (played by the beautiful January Jones), arrives because she is gorgeous, whereas Simon is very plain. In fact, the station owner refers to Elenore as a Goddess multiple times during the wedding ceremony.

The honeymoon night is nothing to write home about as Simon tells one of his close friends on the ship that Elenore was tired and he was overly excited, but they have the rest of their lives to make love so he’s not too disappointed. Well, seventeen hours into their marriage, Elenore wants to have a talk with Simon. It turns out that Simon met Elenore in a bar but two weeks before she met him, she met the lead DJ (and most popular Rock DJ in all of Great Britain), Gavin, at the same bar and she fell in love with him. Gavin told her that she couldn’t live with him on the boat because no girlfriends are allowed. The only way a woman could live on the boat was if she was married to one of the DJ’s, and Gavin wasn’t the marrying type. Therefore, Elenore came up with the idea that she would marry Simon so she could have regular sex with Gavin.

The scene where the attractive Elenore (dressed in a sexy negligée) informs her new husband that although she is his new wife, she plans on having sex with Gavin every night in the cabin next door (and Simon can listen in if he wants) is priceless for cuckold enthusiasts as the scene drips with FemDom and male humiliation. Simon is both emasculated and heart-broken upon hearing this from his bride.

In fact, he calls her “cruel” and she looks at him as if she can’t understand why he isn’t more excited about her great plan. It turns out that Elenore only sleeps with Gavin one night as the rest of the DJ’s remove her from the boat out of sympathy for Simon. Nonetheless it was a great cuckolding scene because of Elenore’s dominant and confident attitude. After all, in her mind, Simon should only care about what makes her happy, and having sex every night with Gavin is what will make her happy. You find great little FemDom scenes like this in movies from time to time.

Here is the list of movies I’ve reviewed so far:

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

The Graduate (1967)

Portrait of a Dominatrix (1999)

Ed Wood (1994)

Sunset Boulevard (1950)

Female (1933)

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Fetishes (1997)

Maitresse (1976)

The Choirboys (1977)

Red Shoe Diaries 6: How I Met My Husband (1995)

Preaching to the Perverted (1997)

Fashionistas (The Vegas Show)

Belle de Jour (1967)

The Notorious Bettie Page (2006)

Bitter Moon (1992)

Die Flambierte Frau (1983)

Holy Smoke (1999)

Love and Human Remains (1993)

Jess Franco's Venus in Furs (1969)

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Venus in Furs (1994)

Gorgeous Glamorous Goddesses

Myra Breckinridge (1970)

Zumanity (The Vegas Show)

Faster Pussy Cat! Kill! Kill! (1965)

The Book of Revelation (2006)

Satan in High Heels (1962)

Punish Me (2006)

New Love in Tokyo (1994)

My Tutor (1983)

The Million Eyes Of Su-Muru (1967)

The Balcony (1963)

Audition (1999)

Real Men (1987)

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Psychopathia Sexualis (2006)

The Dominant Stepmother (2008)

Walk All Over Me (2007)

Cuckold Husband (2010)

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Seduction: The Cruel Woman (1985)

Exit to Eden (1995)

Going Under (2004)

The Libertine (1968)

The Cool Surface (1993)

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

Didn’t Do It For Love (1997)

Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)

If you’re into movies with FemDom scenes or themes, you might want to check out some of these films. And if your favorite is not on this list, let me know what it is. I can always use more recommendations.